On an overcast and dreary day, my husband went out back to battle the trees.
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If you remember, we planted 6 trees in the north forty 2 years ago. Four maples and two cherries. The maples are thriving, the cherries are dead… thanks in no small part to the deer who apparently see cherry wood and think “snack time”!
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Dry and brittle, my husband thought it would be a simple thing to rip them out of the ground.
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He was mistaken.
Our miserable backyard clay was not letting go.
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He pulled, he tugged, he dug, and finally resorted to sawing them down.
It’s less embarrassing than an enema, but only just.
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I have a long list of bonehead moves but my most recent was a few years back. I’d pulled into a bank’s ATM machine… it was next to their drive thru window and on top of a short hill. For whatever reason, I wasn’t paying attention and when I realized I was too far away to reach the machine I opened my door, dropped my card and leaned out to retrieve it….
Without putting the car in park.
On a hill.
Not my brightest move.
Gravity is indeed a fickle b*tch… because the car went rolling, and so did I. Fell right out of the car on my knees and was dragged alongside it until I managed to reach in and push the brake. Unfortunately not before the left front fender slid along the concrete barrier and went crunch.
The drive thru teller saw the whole thing and half the bank emptied out in the parking lot to make sure I was okay. Other than a ripped knee on my jeans, the only thing hurt was my pride because I felt like a right royal idiot.
As soon as I got home the local police called and made me go downtown to fill out an accident report. When the officer asked what happened… I told him I had a blonde moment.
I love watching the Olympics and rooting for our athletes. The highs, the lows, the victories, the heartbreaks… I’m hooked. I’ve watched gymnastics, swimming, synchronized diving, beach volleyball and cycling and enjoyed them all. But apparently I should have been watching the pole vaulting competition because something happened there you don’t see every day.
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Yes, you read that correctly.
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He may have lost his chance at a medal, but something tells me Anthony’s Tinder profile is going to be breaking records of its own.
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Where there's only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.