Tag Archives: movies

Let’s play.

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Stop groaning, this one is easy.

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I’m sure I must have seen other movies before this one… we had a lovely old fashioned theater in my hometown complete with velvet covered balcony seating… and I’m sure my mother took me to all the Disney classics, but the first film I have full actual memories of seeing is The Poseidon Adventure.

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It was 1972 and Irwin Allen’s gigantic blockbuster disaster movies were all the rage.

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The premise was simple. Assemble a huge cast and blow them up. Or burn them down. Or in this case, sink them.

I’ve seen the film many times since then ( not by choice, because the husband is always tuned to the old turkey channel ) but my first time will always be special… because I was with my dad.

My late father was not a movie person. Hell, we didn’t even have a television in the house when I was young and when we finally did get one …. it was banished to a small rarely used room.

But on that day my mother was busy and my father offered to take me to the movies. I was an only child, a total daddy’s girl and the mere idea of it was heaven.

We picked the perfect seats and had the perfect snacks. (Hot buttered popcorn and Milk Duds in case you’re wondering) The lights dimmed, the music swelled and I settled in for a wonderful afternoon. I chattered like a magpie in the beginning and my father patiently and quietly answered all my inane questions.

Then it was happening. The actors were in place, the music changed to something ominous and then… the wave. The huge wave was about to sink the ship! It was loud! It was thrilling! People were screaming! Oh, the horror! I glanced over to gauge my father’s reaction to the cinematic magnificence before us….. and saw that he was sound asleep.

I didn’t have the heart to wake him… he worked long stress filled hours as the Vice President of a stock brokerage firm…. so I sat silently and watched the rest of the movie by myself.

He roused near the end, and pretended to have seen the whole thing. I pretended to believe him. And after all these years, it’s still one of the silly little memories of him that makes me cry.

So how about you?

What was the first movie you remember seeing.

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Let’s Play.

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Warning:

This might be a little off color for some. ( But damn, I laughed!)

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See?

Off color.

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Admit it. You pictured one too….

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And who can blame her?

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Wow, indeed.

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My male readers are cringing right now.

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I tend to agree. That was an award worthy entry.

And because you know I have to, here are my contributions:

The Wizard of Foreskin. ( Bet Dorothy didn’t see that coming )

The Best Years of Our Foreskin. ( Is there an expiration date? )

Star Wars Episode V – The Foreskin Strikes Back. ( When your light saber is on the fritz )

Snow White and the Seven Foreskins. ( Now there’s a mental image no one needs )

(With apologies to Jimmy Stewart) It’s a Wonderful Foreskin.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Foreskin. ( I’m doubting they see much sunshine )

No Country for Old Foreskin ( We are a youth based society )

All the President’s Foreskin ( I refuse to comment on that one! )

Night of the Living Foreskin ( Nice to see some zombie parts are still operational )

Rebel Without a Foreskin ( Sorry James )

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Foreskin ( Golden ticket my ass )

I’m afraid to say I could go on like that forever. It’s addicting.

But it’s your turn. Please add to the list.

😈

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The best one yet!

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So I walked in on my husband the other day, and this was what he was watching….

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I knew it was going to be good.

Or bad.

Or so bad, it’s good.

I wasn’t disappointed.

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A walking tree stump reincarnation?

I was in!

Having missed the first third of the movie I can’t give you the background story, but I knew something was going to go wrong when the visiting doctors dug up a tree with a face and a knife in it’s… chest?

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Back at the lab, the lady doctor/heroine whipped out her stethoscope to check its vitals.

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The diagnosis? None. They were stumped… (pun intended) and left the room to confer with colleagues.

Bad idea.

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Very bad.

The rampaging evil spirit tree, which we learned is named Tobanga, ran amok and captured a South Sea native girl.

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And hurled her in the quicksand.

She begged for her life…

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But Tobanga was merciless.

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Bye bye scantily clad native girl.

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Her death stirred up the villagers and they vowed to track the malevolent creature.

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But you know that didn’t go as planned.

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This fellow was tossed into a ravine and impaled….

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Which pissed off the guy in the stunning headband to no end.

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He gathered more natives to dig a pit… and used himself as bait to lure the creature.

Edge of your seat drama. Yessiree.

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Success! We shall stab the beast with our spears..

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Light him on fire and make charcoal briquettes!

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But alas, that didn’t turn out well either.

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Headband guy was doomed.

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And chucked off the side of a mountain.

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And as you know it had to..

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Tobanga then captured our heroine.

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Her fellow doctors armed themselves and were in hot pursuit, willing to lay down their lives for the fair haired damsel in distress.

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(Except for the guy on the right who knows that bitch Karen deserved it for digging up the cursed thing in the first place.)

Bam!

Our hero saved the day with an expertly placed shot to Tobanga’s … heart?

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And into the quicksand he went….

Bye bye Stumpy.

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The natives were so grateful they asked our hero if he would be their village witch doctor.

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And though flattered, he refused… and moved back to Burbank with Karen.

Yeah, you know he’s going to regret that.

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Another classic.

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Yes, the husband found another classic horror film while eating lunch the other day.

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The Green Slime, circa 1968. By the time I tuned in the slime had turned into tentacled creatures…

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And the perfectly coiffed nurses were desperately trying to save the injured.

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The creatures were relentless. Think Jehovah Witnesses…. they never give up.

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There was hand wringing and high pitched shrieking and numerous quivering lips.

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But never fear ladies, the hero has a high tech gizmo cart which will save the day.

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Only it didn’t…

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And the space station was soon in peril.

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Mission control had no answer.

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So an escape pod was launched.

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But no! There were creatures outside ready to block its path.

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Cue the hero and his handy dandy ray gun… he barbecued them.

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And then, just when you thought it was safe…. creatures were interfering with lift off on the bridge.

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Our hero battled bravely…

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Or maybe he experienced an interstellar orgasm, it’s hard to tell…. either way, he sacrificed himself for the greater good. The pod escaped.

And the station with all the burning creatures went down in flames.

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Yes sir.

A classic piece of cinema.

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What is it with men and old westerns?

 

They say there’s a little boy in every man….. and if that’s true?

Mine is playing cowboys and Indians.

Left to his own devices, my husband could easily watch the western channel 24 hours a day.  I know…. because True Grit, Fort Apache and Rio Bravo have been the background soundtrack to my life for the past 36 years.

He likes westerns, ergo he likes John Wayne.

Not as a real person, he neither knows nor cares who that was….. but rather as an idealized portrait of what a real man is supposed to be. At least on screen.

So when we went to Lowes the other day and were standing on the check out line? You know he had to grab this:

 

 

“Manly meals”.

I’m sure you can hear my eyes rolling from there.

 

 

Who knew my husband wanted to be a cookout legend?

The man who has never read a recipe in his life, but had to buy this book. And may I just say?

I was not impressed.

 

 

 

That is the saddest excuse for steak I’ve ever seen. And with pesto made from cilantro as an accompaniment? The Duke and his horse should be run out of town with their heads hanging down in shame.

 

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Now correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t Texas do everything up big?

If so, these are misnamed…. because those are the skimpiest, most pathetic tacos to ever grace a shell.

And I’m from Maine.

We fill our tacos with haddock and lobster… what do we know?

I’ll spare you the Gun Smokey Barbecue Chicken and the Ringo Kid’s Skirt Steak, but suffice it to say I doubt any of Wayne’s dishes will ever make it to our table.

And now, because this is my blog and you know I can’t help myself…. here’s one final picture of the quintessential manly man.

You can thank me later.

 

john-waynes-camel-toe

 

 

 

 

So wrong…. it’s right.

 

My husband watches television to relax.

And while he’s usually knee deep in the news or old westerns, occasionally there will be a bit of classic cinema thrown into the mix.

 

 

Last week?

It was The Giant Claw.

 

 

Alternate title? When Dr. Seuss goes horribly wrong.

 

 

I mean come on.

Only a mother could love that face.

 

Description

Engineer Mitch MacAfee (Jeff Morrow) spots a UFO while directing a study at the North Pole. But when the Air Force arrives they find nothing on radar, throwing Mitch’s reputation into doubt. But soon many airplanes are reporting attacks by a UFO, which turns out to be a giant speeding bird from outer space. Along with mathematician Sally Caldwell (Mara Corday), Mitch tries to determine a way to stop the bird, which has a force field that renders all weapons useless.

 

Yup. It was a classic.

Big Bird terrorizes New York.

 

 

Here he is attacking the United Nations.

 

 

1950’s people were running.

 

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Which seemed to please the bird to no end.

 

 

Airplanes?

 

 

Yeah, he liked those too.

 

 

But never fear, these scientists will save the day.

 

 

The world is counting on them.

 

 

Bird was not impressed.

 

 

But look at all those high tech tubes and toggle switches!

It was only a matter of time.

 

 

The Giant Claw was toast…

And slowly sunk into the Hudson River.

Classic!

Spam… glorious spam!

 

We all get it, but lately?

Mine has taken a turn for the worse.

 

after-years-i-finally-received-spam-at-my-professional-email-122648

 

Like this one:

2 days ago

Spam

Bird brains.

This post makes me remember a bad joke: Save your breath… you’ll need it to blow up your date.. we are making a flick about this. book for free here! -> https://surprise-me-playlists.herokuapp.com/

 

A movie about blow up dates?

Makes me glad all the theaters are closed.

 

a day ago

Spam

Gender reassignment.

This post makes me remember a bad joke: What do you give the blonde that has everything? penicillin.. we are making a tv series about this. book for free here! -> https://surprise-me-playlists.herokuapp.com/

 

Ditto the tv series about the slutty blonde.

Aren’t there enough of those already?

 

13 hours ago·

essayhelplab.com

Spam

Important update..

I am final, I am sorry, there is an offer to go the other way.

 

No apologies necessary.

Take the offer.

 

Haroldsealf

a day ago

Spam

Behold the majesty.

Adult sex dating: http://fhzuk.andenfilm.xyz/e63
Adult african american dating online: http://eyerdwg.deluxxeuniverse.com/2e31e4
Sex dating site, sex on a first date, sex immediately: http://paz.thegreasealliance.com/70cca484

Honestly, where does this stuff come from? And why does a post about the baby barn attract it?  A dark web group that gets off on crooked walls and uneven doors sounds extremely pathetic.

 

Zuluandzephyr

2 days ago

Spam

Pandemic humor.

Statutory rape is the unlawful sexual penetration of a victim by the defendant or the defendant by the victim when:
The X Story Player offers one of the most realistic, fully immersive adult virtual sex games on the market.
So, you’re not into casual sex? Fine, I’ll put on a tux and we can call it formal sex.

Yes, I can see how a tuxedo would make all the difference.

 

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Jacketqco

a day ago·

chinesewomenformarriage.tumblr.com

 Spam

Say it isn’t so Apple….

How a long way a Gemini chick attained a Gemini females, do you have?

Need to know the thin on why is your partner’s beat?

Wanting my tongue in oral cavity horoscope.

 

I don’t even know how to respond to this one.

But now I’m wondering if there’s a scope named after whores.

Because I have too much time on my hands this afternoon.

 

If you have predictive text on your cell phone, grab it and let’s play.

Remember The Princess Bride movie?

No, I don’t either. But apparently there’s a quotable line from the film that goes like this….

 

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So a Facebook friend of mine tagged me to play the 2020 version.

Start texting My name is…..

You killed my….

Prepare to….

And let predictive text do the rest.

 

My results:

My name is not the big barn.  ( seriously, that’s what I got! )

You killed my husband and he didn’t even know.  ( it’s true he’s not very observant, but still. )

Prepare to be a little more than the kale.  ( I seriously hope I’m a lot more than that foul weed. )

Not kidding, that’s what it said.

 

IMG_E4621

 

Apparently my iPhone is freakishly tuned in to my life.

Which if I stopped laughing, might make me a little worried.

 

download

 

 

 

Quality viewing.

 

I’m beginning to think Direct TV is screwing with me.

They know I’m stuck at home and subject to my husband’s absolute control over the remote during the quarantine.

The reason I know this?

 

 

All the quality programming they’re providing.

Last weekend?

 

 

It was Robbie the Robot in Forbidden Planet.

A classic the husband just had to watch.

Lucky me.

 

 

Have you hugged your robot today?