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I’ve always loved dinosaurs. As a child my favorite place in the whole world was under the skeleton of a T Rex at the Museum of Natural History in NYC. So imagine my delight when I discovered these…
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So what, you say? Gummy dinosaurs are no big deal… tis true.
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But winosaurs? That’s booze, candy and dinosaurs all in one place! A little slice of heaven right there.
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And booze filled Hallmarks?
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I’m also very down with those.
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I have stacks and stacks of free magazines I have yet to read. ( If you’re interested let me know, I’ll hook you up.)
Here are a few articles that got my attention.
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Online reviews of our National Parks. Proof positive people are idiots.
Although it’s hard to argue with ‘a very very large hole’ for the Grand Canyon.
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Thank you, no.
A month ago they were pushing mermaid shampoo and that was bad enough.
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Avocado pudding?
I’d rather eat kale stuffed meatless meatballs.
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I think I’ve mentioned my hatred of dolls and all things doll like. But a museum filled with uber creepy antique ones?
Now that’s a blog worth writing.
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Llamapalooza?
I am so down with that!
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Kind of underwhelming?
We visited Plymouth last fall and saw this oh so famous rock.
Kind of is the understatement of the year.
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But really, how can you not love these art re-creations?
Look at that woman!
Having her husband’s head on a platter has simply made her day worth living.
The nose is a little less spectacular, but okay.
Wow.
Im not sure which is more disturbing, the original or the remake.
Is it me…
Or does that guy look like George Harrison’s Indian guru from the 60’s?
Art imitating life, or life imitating art?
Either way…. that man is slaying it.
And now, the final picture.
Which couldn’t be any more relevant if it tried.
I can’t help myself, so bear with me.
Never thought I’d say this, but Girl with With Pearl Earring needs a shave.
That’s mildly disturbing.
This, even more so.
His master’s voice is definitely not as poignant in the 21rst Century.
But this?
Besides wine….
The best use of grapes, ever.
Continuing our stroll around the museum, we found abstract landscapes…
A necklace challenged woman…
And a large amount of love.
The husband still had that what the hell am I looking at puzzled look on his face… and read all the detailed descriptions in hopes of enlightenment.
And speaking of light….
While I’m generally not a fan of realism, the play of light and shadows in this piece were spectacular.
And now?
Behold….
I found a rock!
As well as a nude on a mushroom.
Bet you’ve never seen that before.
Upstairs we found the Maine gallery.
Which welcomed us with bloody fish guts.
I’d have preferred an apple martini, but whatever.
There were Maine scenes.
Including this melancholy piece of women waiting for their men to return from the sea.
There was an extremely long panoramic of Main Street, Rockland in the 1800’s.
Did you know it’s known as the Lobster Capitol of the World?
You do now.
There was a model ship, which after those amazing examples we’d seen in Virginia…. looked like a 4 year old had built it.
Btw… did you know it’s bad luck to say the word pig on a lobster boat? I’ve known fisherman who won’t even bring a ham sandwich on board…. though no one could ever tell me where that started.
What does this have to do with Maine? Other than the fact it’s made with seashells, I have no idea.
I’ve certainly never seen a lobsterman wear one.
I’ve also never seen one wear that.
For which I am quite thankful…..
Done with the museum, I picked a restaurant on the Camden waterfront.
It had a nice view.
And a tasty Maine sipper.
But the husband wasn’t satisfied with the small lunch menu, so we just had clam chowder….
And wondered when that eagle was going to swoop down and snag a piece of fish.
Though I suggested a few other places to eat, the husband opted for Chinese take out…
Which was disappointing, again. It seems no matter how many places we try, they’re always awful.
My shrimp lo mien? Tasted like soap.
The beef and broccoli? Like they used Alpo for sauce.
Blech!
A few more clever examples.
American Gothic anyone…?
Madonna and Child.
Well, not quite.
And if modern art is your thing?
Then here….
Best use of Kraft American cheese….. ever.
For the next few afternoons I’m going to be my usual helpful self and give you something to do while you’re quarantining yourself at home like a good viral citizen.
Lately the net has been filled with clever and creative ways to occupy your time…. but I’m going to share one from the Getty Museum that really made me smile.
Since visits to their museum have been cancelled for the near future, they challenged their members to re-create their favorite works of art.
Here are some of my favorites:
The original…
The re-creation….
Kudos to this couple.
I don’t know what the hell he put on his head, but damn.
It works.
The original…
The re-creation….
I’m not sure Dali would approve, but I’ll give them an A for effort.
And finally, here’s one that’s better seen by side.
Brilliant, I tell you!
Simply brilliant.
Toward the end of our tour of the Jamestown re-creation settlement, we were startled by a loud noise.
It was the Lord of Misrule and his motley crew.
The portrait gallery was large…. and filled with strange and marvelous things.
Can’t say I’d enjoy having her as a Mother in Law.
They are smiling?
Perhaps the weight of that elaborate hair is pulling their lips down.
Oh my.
They say all babies are cute, but I beg to differ.
This is a girl.
And this is a boy.
No, I haven’t had too many margaritas.
It was explained to me that folk art paintings of little girls have cats… and folk art paintings of little boys have dogs. The hoop is also a boy’s toy, never played with by girls.
Yes, another boy.
Could have fooled me.
There were a few sad paintings, like this one….
Since all the family members in black are dead.
But there’s a chicken, so it’s not all bad.
And while these two portraits aren’t the most skillful, they had the saddest story of all.
Jonathan Bartlett was a black man who chose to portray himself as white…. in a heartbreaking statement of life in his time.
Lightening the mood, there was George again….
And whatever this was –
I can’t even do a Name That Crap because I have no idea…
Aside from all the decorative items, the Dewitt had some pieces of historic interest as well.
Here’s the father of our country casually leaning on a cannon. And if you look closely, you’ll see this…
Yes, they even have George Washington’s jewelry…. which had been lost for nearly two centuries. It was rediscovered in 1990, when the daughter-in-law of a Virginia Beach woman descended from Supreme Court Chief Justice John Marshall found it in her dead mother-in-law’s jewelry box.
Just think… it could have been put in a yard sale. Or donated to Goodwill.
Damn. Another missed opportunity.
Continuing past the silver, there were vast collections of porcelain and pottery.
Complete with creepy ass vintage dolls.
If you invite this little chicka to a tea party?
She’s going to nibble your fingers like biscuits.
By the amount of tankers on display, there was some serious beer drinking going on in the 18th century.
Have I mentioned this place went on forever?
It was fabulous.
There was a section dedicated to indigenous art as well.
And these were quite special.
Even the husband was intrigued.
Each piece had a story.
But I’ll just give you one example.
Two years?
Damn. That’s dedication.
George showed up again, though in iron this time.
“Dumb” stoves?
I’ve cursed a few in my lifetime, but never knew they were actually a thing.
After George, I knew I’d lost the husband.
Because this is his idea of heaven.
They weren’t rusted, but these are just the sort thing he likes to fill our barn with.
( And if his were in good shape and displayed artfully like this? I wouldn’t half mind.)
And because you know I can’t pass up an opportunity, let’s play Name That (not) Crap again.
What is it …. #1?
What is it… #2?
