Tag Archives: wine

Hurricane humor….

 

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve experienced many terrible storms over the years. When we lived down south we had trees come through the windows and parts of our roof ripped off. The destruction is real and nothing to be taken lightly…..

That being said, we also had a sense of humor.

 

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We had to.

And while my heart breaks for the people of the Bahamas suffering the devastation of Dorian, I’m twisted enough to laugh along with my friends in Florida who were spared the worst of her.

Their FB page had this the other day…

 

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A very useful thing when you’re living on canned goods and snacks because there’s no electricity.

They also posted this pic of their local grocery store.

 

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Now really…  how bad does your bread have to be to be the only brand left on the shelf during a hurricane?

And finally, this news blurb I saw on my phone.

Phil? I have two words for you –

Spell check.

 

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Woodchuck aerobics.

 

I think the last time I did aerobics was 1988.

If I tried it today?

 

 

So imagine my surprise when one of the young woodchucks who’s taken up residence started working out on our back deck.

 

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Granted the work out started slowly….

 

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And didn’t seem to be too high impact.

But who am I to judge?

My regular workout routine goes like this:

 

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Woodchuck aerobics are a little different.

 

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There was a warm up stretch…

 

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A few hip twists…

 

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Some leg lifts….

 

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And a bit of planking.

 

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Then the pole work started.

 

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It was a little clumsy at first.

 

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But he got the hang of it pretty quickly.

 

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Heck, a little music and he could have been my girl friend on the parking meter a while back.

 

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Oh, alright.

The woodchuck wasn’t really doing aerobics…

I just wanted to share more cute photos.

But then again, I’m not really the world’s best cheerleader when it comes to exercise either.

 

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Things I like today…. chapter 3.

 

1.  Peonies!

 

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Great big colorful, heavily scented blooms.

 

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If you’ve never smelled one?

I’m sorry.

 

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They rival roses and lilacs for heavenly natural scent….

And I fill our house with them while I can.

 

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The husband’s little nephew used to call them Pee On Me’s.

 

 

But either way?

They’re glorious.

I like.

 

2.  The combination of wine and chocolate?

Always a winner.

 

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But actual wine flavored chocolate?

 

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Score!

Get yourself some immediately…. you won’t be sorry.

 

 

I like.

 

3.  A bean bag store that stacks their products like an ice cream cone?

 

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I like.

 

4.  Two for one jewelry.

 

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Buy a bracelet get a necklace…

 

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And they both look good.

 

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It’s true, I can.

Don’t hate me.

I like.

 

5.  A fox with attitude.

 

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This one stuck his tongue out at me.

Cheeky little bugger!

 

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I like.

 

Turns out you really can get anything from Amazon….

 

But sometimes, my question is this…

Why would you want to?

 

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Personally, I’ve never felt the need to shed my skin like a snake…

But okay, whatever floats your boat.

 

And while I enjoy a good bug museum as much as the next girl…

 

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I’ve never felt the need to actually snack on them.

Eww.

 

This one?

 

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I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it just looks…

Wrong.

 

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Likewise for Fred and friends dunking their nether regions in my cup of hot tea.

Just…

No.

 

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I could probably get behind the bread alignment pad…

 

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And sure.

Wine condoms, if anyone actually ever has leftover wine.

(Is that even possible?)

 

But this last one –

Is not only an affront to common decency…

But the ruination of every backyard bbq and clambake in my foreseeable future.

 

 

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Damn you Amazon…

I may never eat corn again.

 

 

 

 

Better late than never….

The wonderful thing about being sick at Christmas is that I got an extra week until our annual gift exchange party with friends. And since the husband had been sick the week before me, I really needed the extra time.

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Because we all know the man cold is far more severe than anything women experience. When he got sick? I cooked and cleaned and took care of him. When I got sick? I cooked and cleaned and took care of myself..  funny how that works.

So we’re having our gift exchange party tonight and I just finished wrapping. And damn, if there’s anyone who can make a bigger mess putting paper and ribbons on boxes, I don’t want to meet them.

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When I wrap? I spread…

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And it floats from table to chair to floor to counter to stove and out into the hall.  Naturally, everything  (including me)  is covered in glitter. We’ll be picking that crap out of our pork chops for months to come….

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Most of the presents turned out well.

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(Yes, those are wine bottles… on a tray… on top of my album collection… in my office. Don’t judge. There’s not a liquor cabinet built that can hold my ever expanding stash.)

And now, a word.

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Or to be more exact, a lot of very colorful words every time I tried to peel that little paper backing to reveal the sticky part of a bow.

May I just say… WTF?

It’s like my Band Aid nightmare all over again…. except there’s no blood, and I’m not doing it one handed. Okay, it’s nothing like the Band Aids… but it’s still annoying as hell and the people that produce those things without leaving a pull tab or a flipped corner to grab onto need to suffer some serious consequences.

Drawn and quartered? Maybe…

Flayed alive? Perhaps…

Locked in an elevator with a non stop loop of Justin Bieber’s greatest hits blasting through the speakers? Now we’re talking!

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