A friend gave my husband a flyer the other day.
It was advertising an upcoming beer and wine tasting benefit.
I like beer!
I like wine!
It sounded like my type of event.
Until I saw where it was being held…
And since I’ve been known to talk to almost anyone while imbibing?
I think we’re going to have to take a hard pass on this one.
But sometimes, my question is this…
Why would you want to?
Personally, I’ve never felt the need to shed my skin like a snake…
But okay, whatever floats your boat.
And while I enjoy a good bug museum as much as the next girl…
I’ve never felt the need to actually snack on them.
I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it just looks…
Likewise for Fred and friends dunking their nether regions in my cup of hot tea.
I could probably get behind the bread alignment pad…
Wine condoms, if anyone actually ever has leftover wine.
(Is that even possible?)
But this last one –
Is not only an affront to common decency…
But the ruination of every backyard bbq and clambake in my foreseeable future.
Damn you Amazon…
I may never eat corn again.
The wonderful thing about being sick at Christmas is that I got an extra week until our annual gift exchange party with friends. And since the husband had been sick the week before me, I really needed the extra time.
Because we all know the man cold is far more severe than anything women experience. When he got sick? I cooked and cleaned and took care of him. When I got sick? I cooked and cleaned and took care of myself.. funny how that works.
So we’re having our gift exchange party tonight and I just finished wrapping. And damn, if there’s anyone who can make a bigger mess putting paper and ribbons on boxes, I don’t want to meet them.
When I wrap? I spread…
And it floats from table to chair to floor to counter to stove and out into the hall. Naturally, everything (including me) is covered in glitter. We’ll be picking that crap out of our pork chops for months to come….
Most of the presents turned out well.
(Yes, those are wine bottles… on a tray… on top of my album collection… in my office. Don’t judge. There’s not a liquor cabinet built that can hold my ever expanding stash.)
And now, a word.
Or to be more exact, a lot of very colorful words every time I tried to peel that little paper backing to reveal the sticky part of a bow.
May I just say… WTF?
It’s like my Band Aid nightmare all over again…. except there’s no blood, and I’m not doing it one handed. Okay, it’s nothing like the Band Aids… but it’s still annoying as hell and the people that produce those things without leaving a pull tab or a flipped corner to grab onto need to suffer some serious consequences.
Drawn and quartered? Maybe…
Flayed alive? Perhaps…
Locked in an elevator with a non stop loop of Justin Bieber’s greatest hits blasting through the speakers? Now we’re talking!