Tag Archives: education

You’re never to old to learn…. Tin Cans.

 

The new adult educational booklet for our area was delivered today and I’m  dumbfounded anyone would pay money for this crap  very excited for the next round of classes!

Last season we had :

You’re never too old to learn…. Spoons.

You’re never to old to learn…. Potatoes.

You’re never too old to learn…. Ukulele

You’re never too old to learn…. Chakra Toning.

You’re never too old to learn…. Mindfulness.

 

And this season?

We’ll start with a class about tin cans.

 

 

Yes, Tom. It’s true.

In Maine you can take a class that teaches you how to turn a tin can into a stove.

 

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You’re welcome.

You can stop reading other blogs now, it won’t get any stupider than this.

 

 

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I mean, come on…

When was the last time you fit a stove in your backpack?

 

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Point taken. That kid might be able to…

But for the rest of us taking the class means that can of baked beans we had for dinner last night could be heating up our outdoor meals for months to come.

 

 

No, I wasn’t thinking of that particular heat source.

But then, I wasn’t thinking of this either when I searched Google….

 

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Damn, that disturbing.

And it certainly makes their ad slogan a bit suspect….

 

 

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Maybe you should use a Campbell’s soup can instead.

It worked for Warhol.

 

 

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In case you didn’t know….

 

Don’t worry..

I do.

 

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Did you know…. after the battle of Waterloo in 1815, dentures were made from the teeth of dead soldiers? They were given to wealthy people who experienced tooth decay due to consuming too much sugar.

I’m not sure how bad my teeth would have to be before I wore a dead man’s… but I’m guessing pretty bad.

 

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Did you know….. mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas?

This explains why I’m swarmed every time I start my morning with a smoothie.

 

 

Did you know…. castoreum, the vanilla flavored food additive used in baked goods can be listed as “natural flavoring” because it comes from the anal glands of beavers?

Thankfully it’s hard to procure and prohibitively expensive, so I doubt we’ll be finding it in our Twinkies anytime soon.

I’m sure the beavers aren’t thrilled either…

 

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Did you know…. preparing an Egyptian mummy took upwards of 70 days, and dead noblewomen were allowed to ripen for few days prior to the procedure so the embalmers wouldn’t find them too attractive.

Makes you wonder just how desperate for a date those fellows were….

 

 

Did you know.… Kemosabe means “soggy shrub”  in the Navajo language?

Good ole Tonto, not quite the faithful sidekick you thought he was.

 

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Did you know….  woodpecker scalps, porpoise teeth and giraffe tails have all been used as currency at one time or another?

This is good news for me as I am currently awash in woodchuck poo and am hoping it will be the next monetary trend.

Momma gonna make it rain up in here!

 

 

 

 

Did you know…

 

In 1700’s London, you could purchase insurance against going to Hell?

Proof positive there’s a policy for everything.

 

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And yes, it’s that time again.

 

 

Game of Thrones

 

 

President Andrew Jackson’s parrot Poll cursed so loudly during his master’s funeral he had to be removed.

Parrots…

You never know what the little bastards will do.

 

 

The LEGO company was founded in Denmark in the 1930’s.

It’s name is an abbreviation for the words leg godt which mean “play well”.

 

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A crocodile’s tongue is attached to the roof of it’s mouth so it doesn’t accidentally bite it when snapping down on prey.

 

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There is a canine condition known as Frito Feet.

It’s a bacterial foot infection that smells like corn chips.

Sorry Fido.

 

 

 

In ancient Greece women counted their age from the day they were married.

This works for me.

I’m 35.

 

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The Hawaiian alphabet only contains 12 letters. Five vowels and seven consonants.

You’d think that would make spelling their names easier, but it doesn’t.

 

 

The most common name for a goldfish in America is Jaws.

 

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Let’s Talk Chicken… chapter 2.

 

Admit it, you’d thought I’d forgotten about this series.

 

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Well, I didn’t.

And in case you missed chapter 1…

Let’s talk chicken…

Onward!

Chapter 2.

 

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Chicken etiquette.

(Be honest…

Where else can you find quality blog content like this?

No where, that’s where.)

 

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Chickens are the most common bird on earth.

And since they out number us by 43 billion?

You might want to pay attention.

The uprising could come any day now.

 

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Pecking order is important… and not always based on size. Scientists believe breed, intelligence and personality allow chickens to size up other members of the flock. Knowing your place is what it’s all about.

The usual hen house order goes like this:

 

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The rooster is king.

Let’s call him Jon…

 

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Next is the head hen…

 

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We shall call her Sansa.

 

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Then there’s the sentinel.

 

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Whose name is Arya.

 

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And finally, the weak bottom dweller…

 

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Who, of course… is named Theon.

 

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(Hey, it’s Game of Thrones final season…

It can’t all be about chickens.)

But here’s a tidbit of trivia you probably could have gone all day without knowing.

 

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Cold hearted bitches, chickens.

But who can blame her when a man with better hair comes along?

 

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Still drinking, still knowing…

 

Still have to share my ridiculously useless knowledge.

 

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Did you know….

 

1.   The little dot over a lower case  is called a tittle.

 

(There won’t be any memes to accompany that precious nugget of information.

Google image searching for the word “tittle” led me in some very disturbing directions.)

 

2.   An octopus will eat it’s own arms if it gets hungry enough.

But Hell….

I think we’ve all been tempted to do that at one time or another, no?

 

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3.  In 1900 the third leading cause of death was diarrhea.

Aren’t you glad you started reading this blog?

 

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4.  Winnie the Pooh was based on a real life female bear named Winnie who lived in the London Zoo.

 

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5.  The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by the Egyptians in 2000 BCE.

 

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I don’t know about you, but crocodile dung would definitely be enough to kill the mood for me.

 

6.  Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.

Really?

Orchids I could understand. They’re fussy, creepy, high maintenance flowers that look like they want to bite off your finger.

But ferns?

They’re delightful..

 

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7.   Buzz Aldrin’s mother’s maiden name was Moon.

How’s that for serendipity?

 

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8.  If you live in Michigan, it is illegal to put a skunk in your boss’s desk.

Sorry Detroiters…

I’m sure that’s very disappointing news.

 

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The greatest story ever… shown?

 

While I’ve been known to Bitmoji on occasion….

 

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And used to see the appeal of texting miniature versions of myself to friends…

 

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I read something this afternoon that made me do a double take.

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Yes.

There is now a Bitmoji Bible.

 

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“In the year of our Lord 2019, someone recreated the Bible through Bitmoji. The Bitmoji Bible is more of a collection of a handful of stories found in Jewish and Christian holy scriptures than an actual translation told exclusively through Bitmoji. While much of the actually philosophical passages aren’t included — how are you supposed to discuss promises of salvation through a few cartoon characters? — you might recognize more well known myths, like the story of David and Goliath. “ 

 

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Now I’m not a religious woman, and I admit to never having read the good book cover to cover…. but I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess David never said “Hey Boo” to the giant Philistine.

 

 

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And if there was a Garden of Eden?

I somehow doubt their trees were in pots.

 

 

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“Today’s children are more likely to read a text message than a book,” co-creator Daniel Eckler said through Twitter DM. “Given the Bible has been translated into more than 3000 languages, I thought it should be translated into one of the most popular contemporary languages.”

 

 

Jesus wept.

Repeat after me…

Bitmoji is not a contempary language, it’s a collection of bad cartoons.

 

 

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Quoting an excerpt from Genesis about the whole world speaking the same language, Eckler believes it’s “important to speak to people in their language.”

 

 

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So help me out here…
Is that Joseph?
And is he spitting his coffee out because Mary just told him about the immaculate conception?  

 

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He notes that his goal isn’t necessarily to evangelize, but rather to open the door to higher thinking for people who may not already be interested in it — he references biblical redemption themes in Star Wars and The Matrix. “Not to say they’re substitutes, but as long as people are seeking spiritual truths,” Eckler said. “I think they’ll find them where they find them.” 
Let me get this straight…. to understand Christianity I don’t have to read the bible.
I just have to sit through The Empire Strikes Back?
Well if that’s the case…

 

 

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I’m watching Game of Thrones instead.

 

 

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It has mythical beasts, devout believers and frowned upon sex as well.  
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You’re never too old to learn…. Mindfulness.

 

I was cleaning out my desk the other day and found an old brochure for Adult Education.

Then I remembered I’d started a series on some of the more interesting classes when I first started blogging here…

 

You’re never too old to learn…. Chakra Toning.

You’re never too old to learn…. Spoons.

You’re never too old to learn…. Ukulele

 

Yes, you can learn some weird things in Maine.

So let’s continue….

 

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Good.

I’m glad someone is.

Today’s class?

Mindfulness.

 

mindful

 

O-kay.

The definition?

1. the quality or state of being conscious

 

So let me get this straight…

For $95, and over the course of 6 weeks, they’re going to teach me to be conscious?

To be honest, that’s not usually something I have a problem with…. unless I’ve had too much to drink.

 

 

And as I read the class description I kept picturing this:

 

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But for the hell of it, I tried practicing being in the moment…

And it didn’t seem too difficult.

 

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And I figured…

I got this.

Who needs a class?

 

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Yeah.

It didn’t work.

But that’s okay, I’d much rather buy $95 worth of Girl Scout Cookies anyway…..