Things that made me laugh today.

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As you know I’m always up for a new cocktail recipe.

But there are limits to what you’ll hear me yelling at my local pub’s bartender from across the room.

“Gimme a Viking’s testicle” is one of those things.

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It just doesn’t make sense. How did a Flirtini became a testicle?

And where would a Viking find a pineapple anyway…

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Ah, hypocrisy.

Thou art a fickle bitch.

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There.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels the need to announce bovine presence.

🤣

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I found a good one.

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Yes, I tried another recipe I found online.

I can’t help myself at this point, but at least this one turned out to be tasty.

I don’t know the name of it so let’s just say it’s an Italian-y tortellini soup.

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Easy to make and quick… at a little over half an hour cooking time… I’d say with a few tweaks this one’s a keeper.

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Ingredients:

½ bunch kale, stems removed and leaves
chopped
⅓ cup heavy cream
3 tablespoons chopped fresh basil
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 pound Italian sausage, casing removed
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 medium sweet onion, diced
2 teaspoons Italian seasoning
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper, to
taste
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
4 cups chicken stock
1 (8-ounce) can tomato sauce

Instructions:


Heat olive oil in a large stockpot or Dutch oven
over medium heat. Add Italian sausage and cook
until browned, about 3-5 minutes, making sure
to crumble the sausage as it cooks; drain excess
fat.
Stir in garlic, onion and Italian seasoning. Cook,
stirring frequently, until onions have become
translucent, about 2-3 minutes; season with salt
and pepper, to taste.
Whisk in flour until lightly browned, about 1 minute.

Gradually whisk in chicken stock and tomato
sauce. Bring to a boil; reduce heat and simmer,
stirring occasionally, until reduced and slightly
thickened, about 10 minutes.
Stir in tortellini; cover and cook until tender,
about 5-7 minutes.
Stir in kale until wilted, about 1-2 minutes. Stir
in heavy cream and basil until heated through,
about 1 minute; season with salt and pepper, to
taste.
Serve immediately.

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I only changed one thing when I made this and I’m sure you can guess what that was.

Yes, I axed the noxious green devil’s weed called kale and substituted spinach.

When I make this again I think I’ll cut back on the sausage. If you like it really meaty, leave it as is… but a little sausage goes a long way for me.

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The eyes have it and other nonsense.

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Halloween is over, Thanksgiving is on the horizon so it’s time to be bombarded by Christmas. I like the holiday as much as the next person but geesh, there’s such a thing as overload.

Even my FB news feed is rife with Yuletide ideas and decorations.

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Because nothing says Christmas like whipped spiced eggs.

Changing topics, I like a good humorous license plate and often enjoy the challenge of deciphering the messages while driving down the road. But I draw the line at vulgar slang and crude content. There’s a place for that but it’s not on the back of your car for young children and your curious grandmother to see.

Maine has outlawed the F*ck this and F*ck that and blatantly sexualized custom plates but every now and then a few slip through the cracks.

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I was stopped behind Mr. Give Her Some at a light the other day. Do men really think this endears them to women?

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After seeing this I realized I could be monetizing Lord Dudley Mountcatten’s 18 hour a day naps. It’s about time he started pulling his weight around here.

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For the love of all that’s holy, no.

The houses don’t sleep and neither would I. That is beyond creepy. And because my algorithm is nothing if not consistent…

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🤣

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Who in their right mind would choose that?

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I’m currently planning a week long getaway to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary which is a few months from now. If you’re a long time reader you’ll remember we went to Sedona Arizona for our 35th and the day of? Yours truly came down with an awful case of altitude sickness and spent it in bed.

Alone… and nauseated.

Which is not how one should celebrate a wedding anniversary.

I’m staying closer to sea level this time around and hopefully won’t feel like barfing all day. That definitely kills the mood.

Anyway…

I booked our resort, I booked our airfare and just settled down to do some price comparison on rental cars. Trust me, this is a necessary evil as the same vehicle can vary greatly in cost from company to company.

I’ve always found Hertz and Avis to be the most reasonable. Budget? Not hardly, they were $400 more per week!

As I was scrolling down for the premium/elite/luxury SUV we usually rent I came across this;

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Can you see it?

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A mystery car.

WTH?

And if it’s a mystery how do they know to charge $668?

That’s the stupidest thing I’ve seen in a long time.

🤣

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Bedroom renovation project part whatever… I’m not sure I even care anymore.

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Einstein said time is relative and while that may be true in most cases, when you’re seriously considering slashing the tires of a building supply store’s sales representative you have to wonder at the veracity of his statement.

Time has been crawling… and often standing stock still for our small, nothing special, should have been completed long ago project.

We ordered windows in July. They were delivered in October. On day one of the installation the first was found faulty. On day two the second was found faulty.

And then we waited. And waited. And waited for the Marvin window specialists to come inspect the problem. We waited and we complained to our contractor. Who in turn waited and complained to the store’s sales rep. After a full three weeks of waiting and complaining and wind whistling through the gaps, we issued an ultimatum to our contractor who issued an ultimatum to the store’s sales rep. Come out and fix the issue or take back your windows and refund our money.

When pressed the sales rep said the specialists could be here in 3 weeks. Three more weeks? That would put us at the end of November… which in Maine can mean snow. And if we wait those three weeks and the specialists determine the new windows are indeed faulty and need to be replaced? We’d be another 3 weeks behind schedule.

Nuts to that.

Our contractor is coming back in a few days to remove the two faulty windows and reinstall our old leaking nightmares. We’ll demand a full refund and will have to order another set of custom built windows at another store because the customer service at this one…. which is local, Maine owned, and highly respected… sucked the big root.

And after I put a curse on the manager? I’m never dealing with them again.

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I’m beyond disgusted at this point. The new bedroom flooring and furniture I’ve been anxious to buy has been put on hold again and there’s no telling how long it will take for 5 new windows to be built elsewhere.

The doors? Do not get me started on the doors. That problem hasn’t been solved yet either.

This project has been such an utter clusterf*ck it makes me shudder at the mere thought of redoing our two bathrooms. They were supposed to be next on the list… but to be honest I’m not sure my nerves can take it.

🥴

Miscellaneous nonsense.

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After the recent mass shooting tragedy in Maine lots of people were paying tribute to the resilience of my state and its people. I happen to like Stephen Colbert’s take…

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And since it’s November in my northern home, temperatures are dropping rapidly at night. They had snow to the west of us and we’re waking up to frost. I say bring it! But my husband is starting to shiver. Since menopause has endowed me with internal heating I’m slow to crank up the furnace these days and see nothing wrong with throwing another blanket on top of the spouse. … which is why I got a kick out of seeing this online the other day.

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I really need to post that on our thermostat.

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If you’ve never listened to the Grateful Dead? Never mind, you won’t get it.

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And if you’ve never watched Game of Thrones or The Last of Us? Never mind you won’t get this either.

But speaking of the latter?

It’s real.

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Thankfully it hasn’t moved on to humans, but you never know.

Which is why I was a little shocked to see it was the top ingredient in a coffee that’s being hawked on FB.

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What the Hell people?

😳

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Don’t bother.

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Are you like me?

Not able to scroll past an easy new recipe you see online?

If so, let me save you the trouble.

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I found this the other day and tried it last night.

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Since I won’t buy those horrible bacon bits and was out of real, I opted for garlic powder and parsley.

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With an entire bag of cheddar cheese.

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They looked promising …

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But were actually hard dry lumps. We had to slather half a pound of butter on them just to make them edible.

If you see this recipe? Keep scrolling..

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News you can’t use.

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You know the drill.

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This goes for my husband at every meal. If his food isn’t flaming hot and burning his tongue? He’s not happy.

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Finally, there’s hope for the politicians in Washington. Let’s all chip in and buy them a few…

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Who is this chick anyway?

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No one is more thankful than me that the subscription to Cosmopolitan I received as a gift last year has run out.

🥴

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