Tag Archives: kale

Strange products are back.

 

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Unless it’s in a rent by the hour hot sheet motel? I don’t think anyone needs their bed to vibrate.

 

 

Just…. no.

If I’m not willing to eat kale? ( and I think we’ve established I’d rather have my toenails ripped off by a hungry wombat ) I doubt I’ll be spreading it on my face any time soon.

 

 

 

Well this is ridiculous.

Leftover chocolate. What’s that?

 

 

 

Proof positive there are a limitless number of kitchen gadgets waiting to collect dust in your cabinet.

Move over avocado hugger and ice cream ball. Spaetzle maker is in da house.

 

 

I have no idea if this works or not, but may I just say?

Eww.

 

 

 

 

When I first saw this I thought… nope, I’ll pass on the motivational self help crap.

Until I realized it could be filled with G&T’s or margaritas.

1:00pm took on a whole new meaning then.

 

Just…. no.

 

Have you noticed how everyone is posting their favorite recipes online lately?

Quarantine fever is driving everyone into the kitchen and they just can’t wait to share.

Every time I look I’m inundated with pleas of,  “Try this, you’ll love it!” or  “Our family’s favorite. You won’t be disappointed!”

In truth, I rarely love it…. and am more often than not disappointed.

 

Friends are always extolling the virtues of kale, tumeric, tofu and other completely unappealing things…

 

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And after the recipe I saw yesterday?

I realize I simply need new friends.

 

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Yeah.

I’m pretty sure parsnip spice cake won’t be happening in our kitchen any time soon.

 

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Things I learned while grocery shopping.

 

I ventured out of my lock down burrow yesterday and went grocery shopping for the first time in 21 days. It was quite a learning experience.

I learned Wal Mart has a bizarrely convoluted maze of barricades at the entrance so you can’t use the same door as those who are exiting. They have staff wiping down carts, cashiers wiping down check out lanes and six foot distancing markers on the floors. The one thing they didn’t have?

A single employee wearing a mask.  To which I say…. WTH?

At my second stop, a grocery chain called Shaws…. I learned there are 2 staff members with clickers and clipboards counting customers at the entrance so no more than 75 people can be in the store at the same time. They have arrows for one way aisles, distancing markers at the checkout and a ban on bringing reusable bags from home. The one thing they didn’t have?

A single employee wearing a mask. To which I say…. WTF?

I got hollered at for putting my groceries on the check out conveyor belt too soon, by a cashier who wouldn’t wear a mask. Smarten up people! Half measures are no measures. We need to get on top of this thing…. my local pub misses me!

Other things I learned?

I don’t look good in a mask.

 

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And there’s still no toilet paper.

 

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Anywhere.

There was plenty of deodorant, but no toothpaste…. because apparently clean minty breath is more important than body odor during pandemics.

You want flour?

 

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Sorry, no can do.

Oh, there are full shelves here and there.

 

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But they’re filled with such things as Tumeric pasta and….

 

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Yeah.

There was no shortage of those.

This item was fully stocked as well.

 

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Clearly I’m not the only one who hates cilantro.

I also learned you can’t wear reading glasses while sporting an N95 mask. Nope. If you do…. those little suckers will fog up like the back of your teenage boyfriend’s Chevy van on prom night.

I came home with something I didn’t want or need simply because I couldn’t read the damn thing.

Yay me.

I also learned that if you’re menopausal and prone to hot flashes? You’re not going to enjoy going out in public for the foreseeable future.

The mask I wore is great, it filters out all the harmful particles… but breathing through it? Not so great.

I overheated to a temperature approaching the surface of the sun within 5 minutes…. then turned a bright feverish red and had to finish shopping quickly before I melted into a puddle in the dairy section.

Think I’m kidding?

 

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Nope.

 

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Not kidding.

I’m not sick, just splotchy. Honest!

 

So now I know.

 

I went grocery shopping this morning….

And I now know what we will all be doing during the virus apocalypse.

 

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Baking.

Because there wasn’t a freaking bag of flour for miles.

 

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There was beef, but no chicken.

Tissues, but no paper towels.

Ham, but no bacon.

Macaroni, but no spaghetti.

You never know what will disappear next. Although I did notice there was plenty of kale…. which makes it official.

If all that’s left on the shelves is kale? I will starve to death.

 

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Polar caves Part 5. The finale…

 

Done with the caves, we thought we were done with the park but there was still a little left to explore.

 

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A nature path through the woods.

 

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Leading past a sugar shack…

 

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And an old tree.

Do I post fascinating stuff or what?

 

 

Stop that!

 

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There was a rock set up for climbing….

 

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As well as one with some munchies on top.

 

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And you know what?

Still better than kale.

 

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We kept hiking.

 

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Up some rocks…

 

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And some stairs…

 

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And oh boy! The husband’s face says it all…

More stairs.

 

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To be honest there wasn’t much more to see. But we found a gazebo on our way back down… with rather questionable graffiti.

 

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Okay.

I’m not sure that needed be to advertised…. but whatever floats your boat.

 

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One more smooth path down…

 

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And we neared the exit.

 

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Where I had to stop and feed those precious European fallow deer again.

 

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Such little cuties.

 

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Polar Caves… the end!

Half a day experiencing it , 5 days blogging about it.

Say what you want about me… (and I’m sure you will)

You can’t say I’m not thorough.

 

I bet you didn’t know….

 

Flying fish and Coo Coo is the national dish of Barbados.

 

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But I did, because….

 

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Did you know….

When CBS broadcast the first ever color television show they were the only ones who actually owned a color television?

 

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Did you know…

The Egyptian hieroglyph for one hundred thousand is a tadpole?

Kind of makes you wonder what they were counting…

 

 

Did you know…

A snallygaster is a mythical dragon like beast that supposedly haunts rural Maryland?

And all this time I thought it was just David Hasslehoff.

 

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Did you know…

Lachanophobia is the fear of vegetables?

Like kale.

That shit is everywhere.

 

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Did you know…

Aztec emperor Montezuma had a nephew named Cuitlahac?

Roughly translated Cuitlahac means “plenty of excrement”.

Clearly Monty’s sister had a sense of humor.

 

 

Did you know…

In Japan, robots pay union dues.

Which answers the age old age question…

Who killed Jimmy Hoffa?