Tag Archives: heat

Because I was tired of waiting.

 

Ever since we installed the new deck railings we’ve needed to re-stain the deck. And by we, I mean me… because while he’ll constantly remark it needs to be done? The husband never does it. Not once in 18 years.

 

 

Problem is, we needed to buy a new pressure washer to clean the siding and I didn’t want to stain until that happened.

So I waited. And waited….. and waited some more.

( Never nagging. No. Not me.)

 

 

But after the husband saw the prices of a new Honda pressure washer?

I feel confident saying it’s not happening anytime soon.

So I moved things to the lawn, grabbed my brush and went to work.

 

 

Many  holy hell why is it surface of the sun  hot hours later…

 

 

I was done.

 

 

And pretty pleased with the results.

 

 

Dirty siding aside, it looks nice.

 

 

Clean, fresh and ready for the red squirrel family’s onslaught of poo.

 

 

Next morning fog shot just because.

Because I can only say it here…

 

(And not to my husband, though I want to. I really want to!)

Planting apple trees in excessive summer heat, during a drought?

Not a good idea.

 

 

A week afterwards?

 

 

Most of them look like this…. and I simply have to say it before I burst.

I told you so!

 

 

It’s been crazy hot and dry. Our lawn is turning brown and crunching underfoot.

Not exactly prime transplanting conditions.

 

 

But he wouldn’t listen… so now we have 9 almost dead twigs.

 

 

And before you say it, I have watered them.

I purchased three 100′ foot expandable hoses strictly for that purpose.

I added them to my original 100′ foot hose and have repeatedly hauled the four 100′ foot hoses out to the far corners of our property watering the damned things.

 

 

One tree.

One in ten is all that looks healthy.

I told him!

But he wouldn’t listen.

 

 

Indeed.

Just call him Johnny Appleseed.

 

Hope springs eternal, at least for my husband when it comes to trees.

 

 

The three oaks he transplanted a while ago croaked and had to be dug up.

 

 

So when we were in the middle of a drought and a heat wave?

 

 

He figured that would be a great time for us to plant 10 apple trees.

 

 

Holes were dug in ground that felt like cement.

 

 

And I had to run the bucket brigade again.

 

 

Because naturally he wanted to plant them at the far ends of our property.

 

 

But I did find some wild raspberries.

 

 

And blackberries.

 

 

 

It took us all damned day.

 

 

But trees were planted.

 

 

 

The heat was intense and I told him this was the wrong time of year to plant.

 

 

 

But you know how that went.

 

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Will he water and fertilize and care for these new transplants in this mid summer heat wave?

Hell no.

Say goodbye trees, you’re doomed.

 

 

 

It started out innocently enough…..

 

This week’s harvest from our neighbor’s CSA yielded  scallions, cabbage, beets, Swiss chard, basil, parsley, garlic scapes, a tomato, a zucchini and raspberries.

 

 

Needless to say the raspberries were demolished with ice cream the first night and since we craved more, we headed across the road to their farm stand.

 

 

I can’t say I’ve ever seen a tractor trailer box renovated into a turquoise and gold farm stand…

 

 

But hey, it works.

 

 

Fairy tale eggplant?

There are so many off color jokes I could make right now my brain is threatening to explode.

And in case you’re wondering how the veggies don’t bake in the heat?

 

 

Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

Just as we were about to leave, our neighbor’s daughters showed us all of her father’s left over apple trees. He’d planted as many as he could for his new orchard and didn’t want the rest.

 

 

You know where this is going…. right?

Free trees?

 

 

Yeah.

 

 

It’s been 100 degrees in the shade, the ground is solid concrete because we haven’t had any rain for weeks… and my husband wants to plant more trees.

Stay tuned.

 

 

 

Slow and steady wins the race.

 

But it doesn’t get your deck railing project finished any sooner.

We were back at it and it was still hot.

 

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Unfortunately the heat wave coincided with an extended dry spell and our lawn was starting to crunch.

 

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But old railings were torn down.

 

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And rusty nails exposed.

 

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I stained the new wood we had to waste almost 2 hours going to get that morning because someone… I won’t mention who… cut the other pieces incorrectly.

 

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And then that someone  (oops, my bad)  discovered a sander in the barn and wanted to play.

 

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He was fine on the flat surfaces, but scared me to death when he started trying to sand in between. That thing would hit a beam, jump out of his hand and spin wildly across the deck. It happened a dozen times but I could never quite catch it on film.

 

 

In between his legs.

Close to the power cord.

I knew something was gonna give, and it did.

 

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That thing jumped up and sliced his jeans right open. Thankfully he wasn’t hurt, but at that point I said no more sanding!

 

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Which he completely ignored and kept sanding.

 

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After sanding, and almost slicing his leg off?

He hammered nails.

 

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And swept the same portion of deck I had just swept.

Apparently I didn’t do it right.

We did manage to get a few pieces of wood installed before dinner.

With some gentle persuasion.

 

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So this was basically it.

 

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For a whole days work.

Good thing no one is paying us by the hour……

 

 

 

 

Another scorcher.

 

Temperatures and humidity rose to an unbearable level but the deck railing project moved on.

Slowly.

And with copious amounts of sweat.

 

 

Rotted wood here.

 

 

Rotted wood there.

And then my husband decided to add the piece of J channel that he was supposed to add 16 years ago when he enlarged the deck.

(No judgement on the dirty siding please, we have yet to buy a new pressure washer.)

 

 

The existing piece only ran halfway and the task of replacing it has been on my honey do list for almost two decades.

So off to the store he went, coming back with white J channel, while the old piece is beige.

This was a problem.

 

 

That he knew he could solve.

 

 

Hours were spent on this tiny annoying detail.

The old piece wouldn’t come out without tearing off the siding, and the siding had been caulked around the door and corner post so that was more hassle than it was worth.

 

 

He tried to slide it over, then under, and then up around the old piece but nothing worked.

 

 

Hot and frustrated, he ended up cutting a section of the old piece out and we were left with this.

 

 

A gap which will probably fill with water when it rains, but hey… it matches.

 

 

And if you’re wondering what I was doing during this time?

 

 

I was breaking the little toe on my right foot which isn’t so little anymore.

Ever the helpful wife, that’s me.

For something so small, it’s amazing how much that sucker can swell and hurt.

The result of my injury?

 

 

Husband had to do my job of staining the new wood.

In what little bit of shade he could find.

An entire day, and only we accomplished 3 things.

Yay us.

And the deck project begins.

 

But not before another trip to the store to buy wood.

 

 

(Yes, I know the husband is wearing his mask incorrectly but his glasses kept fogging up)

Two perfect pieces for the top of the railing had to be found. And even though we were searching through the more expensive smoothed cedar boards?

 

 

They were rife with holes, chops, cracks and warty blemishes.

After 45 minutes…

 

 

We moved on to the 2×4’s.

 

 

Is it any wonder our small weekend projects turn into 3 month long slog fests?

 

 

So this is our deck, and those are the railings that will be replaced.

Hopefully by the end of summer.

Of 2020.

 

 

First step…. remove the old railings.

The first few were easy as they had been screwed.

 

 

Then it got harder with massive doubled rusty nails that didn’t want to let go.

 

 

Did I mention we picked the middle of a heat wave with record breaking temperatures to start this project.

How hot was it….?

 

 

Okay, not quite. Though it felt that way.

That thermometer was sitting on the table in direct sunlight.

It was actually this hot, in the shade.

 

 

And for Maine?

That is insanely frickin’ hot.

 

 

But progress was made.

 

 

And halted when rotting beam sections had to be cut out.

 

 

With 1950’s era tools.

 

 

Yes, I’m afraid so.

And you know what happens when you use power tools from the middle of the last century?

 

 

Nothing good.

Because I’m always looking out for my male friends.

 

So a certain blogger (who shall remain nameless unless he/she actually wants to take credit for this post) sent me a link to a product that I found the day after Thanksgiving.

Having just enjoyed copious amounts of turkey, I admit it made me think twice about ever eating one again.  It seems we never really know what those birds are up to pre gluttonous feast.

This post will pass along further information for what I think is probably the best Christmas stocking stuffer ever.

For your husband, your brother, your uncle, your cousin…. Hell, for every man in your life.

Give them to your mailman and the guy who changes your oil.

You can thank me later.

Snowballs

If you clicked the link, you’ll realize I wasn’t talking about those delightfully revolting pink Hostess treats that look like Tribbles.

It’s another thing entirely.

 

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No, I’m not kidding…

And some of the descriptions are funnier than the product itself.

“Summer is a decidedly, uh, swampy time for many men and the summer of 2019 has been especially hot and humid throughout most of the northern hemisphere. Dress loose and in light fabrics all you want, eventually the heat hits you in the crotch.

It’s a uniquely male problem and one underwear company has the solution to that and more. Snowballs basically wants to ice your ‘nads back into the comfort—and fertility—zone.

Being able to walk around with your ‘nads air-conditioned without risking indecent exposure is pretty appealing. And Snowballs claims their product can do more than just frost the funk away from your nether regions.”

 

Swampy?

 

 

 

Yeah, no one wants that.

 

“From setting sprays to chafing balm, ladies have a few tricks up their sleeves when it comes to handling the heatwave.

But now men have found something to help them out on scorching hot days — freezable pants.

Over on Amazon, a brand called Snowballs Underwear is selling “scientifically-backed cooling underwear”.

The underwear comes with ice packs — dubbed “SnowWedges” — that men are able to put in the freezer before popping into a pouch that sits over the groin.”

 

And before you decide the whole thing is just a joke, here’s a video to prove icing your  balls, sack, nuts, jewels, sweetbreads, Christ…what term won’t get me kicked off WordPress?   parts has actual medical benefits.

 

 

 

 

 

There.

Now don’t you feel better knowing these exist?

 

 

 

 

 

Just remember…

You saw it here first.

 

 

I admit, it made me look.

 

I walked by my window the other day and had to do a double take.

Across the road on our neighbor’s organic vegetable farm, the seasonal workers were weeding a garden patch. Most summers there are Mexican field hands, but because of the new immigration policies of He Who Will Remain Nameless… this year the workers are Jamaican.

 

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Now, I’ve never been to Jamaica.

 

 

But I’m going to go out on a limb here…

 

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And say this isn’t their new fashion trend.

 

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Yes, that is what you think it is.

 

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Cardboard.

 

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With a hole in the middle for your head.

 

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I particularly like the fact that he flipped up the cut out hole section.. and left it there. Like a pot lid.

 

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Jamaican cardboard hats.

Coming to a mall near you?

 

 

Remember… you saw it here first.

Calling all hot flashing menopausal women….

 

(And partners of these women, male or otherwise…. if they want to earn some brownie points.)

Are hot flashes making you feel like you live on the surface of the sun?

 

 

Forget black cohosh.

 

 

 

Forget soy.

 

I tried both, and they didn’t touch my heat.

 

 

But this?

This works.

 

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A personal, portable tiny air conditioner.

 

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Soak the filter in cold water, then put it in the freezer.

 

 

Fill the reservoir with cold water…

 

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Position it on your desk, coffee table, bedside table… point the lever straight at your face –

And let her rip.

 

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I found mine at Home Depot for $39.99 and I’m happy.

 

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Not as happy as I would be stepping into a sub zero walk in freezer…

But who has room for one of those in the living room?