You’re never too old to learn…. Mindfulness.

 

I was cleaning out my desk the other day and found an old brochure for Adult Education.

Then I remembered I’d started a series on some of the more interesting classes when I first started blogging here…

 

You’re never too old to learn…. Chakra Toning.

You’re never too old to learn…. Spoons.

You’re never too old to learn…. Ukulele

 

Yes, you can learn some weird things in Maine.

So let’s continue….

 

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Good.

I’m glad someone is.

Today’s class?

Mindfulness.

 

mindful

 

O-kay.

The definition?

1. the quality or state of being conscious

 

So let me get this straight…

For $95, and over the course of 6 weeks, they’re going to teach me to be conscious?

To be honest, that’s not usually something I have a problem with…. unless I’ve had too much to drink.

 

 

And as I read the class description I kept picturing this:

 

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But for the hell of it, I tried practicing being in the moment…

And it didn’t seem too difficult.

 

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And I figured…

I got this.

Who needs a class?

 

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Yeah.

It didn’t work.

But that’s okay, I’d much rather buy $95 worth of Girl Scout Cookies anyway…..

Because Babs and I need to chat….

 

I’m going to take a (semi) serious moment here.

 

Dear Barbra Streisand,

I’m not a fan.

I’ve never been a fan.

And while I admit to liking The Way We Were back in the day, that had more to do with a young, delicious Robert Redford than you.

 

robert-redford-long-hair

 

Okay, I get it.

You can sing.

But your poor me, I’m an ugly Jewish girl persona wears thin. You’re a multi millionaire, surrounded by luxury, awards and adored by half the world….

 

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So your nose is big.

Boo frickin’ hoo.

Get over it!

My butt is big and I don’t have millions of dollars, but you don’t hear me whining.

(Well, maybe a little.)

That being said, I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me that your recent comments about Micheal Jackson’s accusers left me liking you even less.

Could you have been any more callous?

I don’t think so.

 

In an interview with The Times of London published on Friday, Ms. Streisand also showed sympathy for Mr. Jackson, saying, “His sexual needs were his sexual needs, coming from whatever childhood he has or whatever DNA he has.”

“You can say ‘molested,’ but those children, they were thrilled to be there,” she continued. “They both married and they both have children, so it didn’t kill them.”

 

 

 

 

No, it didn’t kill them.

But wow.

You said Micheal Jackson had pedophile DNA.

 

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If you watched  “Leaving Neverland”  and gave a statement like that?

You are one cold hearted bitch and have lost the single grain of respect I previously had for you.

 

Sincerely,

River….

A thoroughly disgusted non fan.

 

 

 

 

 

Well, it must be nice.

 

Tax time is upon us, and like every other year…. we pay.

And pay.

And pay.

And pay.

 

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It’s bad enough the government swallows half our paycheck during the year..

But every April?

 

 

They want more. **

So I wait until April 14th to file.

I’m petty that way.

Tax laws have changed this year, and no… I’m not going to get political.

But the instructions on the payment voucher did make me laugh.

 

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No checks of $100 million or more accepted?

Damn.

Now I’m going to have to get cash.

As if.

At first I thought, well… it must be nice to be able to write a check like that.

 

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Yeah.

If you can write a check like that?

Chances are you won’t have to.

 

 

And that pretty much sums up our tax collection system.

 

**  If you don’t know who Laura Moon is?

Watch Neil Gaiman’s American Gods on Starz.

It’s mind bending, trippy and totally rocks!

 

 

Sunday is coming….

 

And devoted Game of Thrones fans like me have been waiting years for this day.

Years!

 

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It’s the beginning of the end….. and unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard a little something about it.

To be honest, I wasn’t on board with GOT at first. Fantasy is not my genre and I didn’t see the appeal. But then I stumbled on a copy of the first book at a doctor’s office and was hooked. I flew through them all… which is saying something. (Have you seen them? The Easter Island moai weigh less.)

And having read the books, I had to binge watch seasons 1-3.

Yes, I had to.

 

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Holy crap!

Thrones never disappoints.

Did I mention there are dragons?

Well, there are.

And they rock.

 

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And cook… apparently.

I won’t drone on about about the fantastic global locations, the intricate plot lines or the multi dimensional characters. I won’t wax poetic about the wow factor or the oh no they didn’t!  jaw dropping twists and turns.

Suffice it to say there’s never been a television show quite like Game of Thrones, and there probably never will be again.

So tomorrow? Don’t disturb me.

I’ll be wearing my shirt….

 

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And happily immersing myself in the realm.

 

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For the night is dark and full of terrors.

And if you don’t know what that means?

I may have to rethink our entire relationship….

 

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See?

You probably don’t get this joke either….

And that’s just sad.

UFC – turkey division

 

Have you ever seen a turkey smackdown?

I hadn’t, and to be honest….

I’m not anxious to see it again.

When there’s snow on the ground, we get wild turkey visitors. They come in for the bird seed that falls under the feeders and while the husband will shoo them off due to the copious amounts of poo they leave behind….

 

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I usually enjoy their comical turkey antics.

Until yesterday.

When it turned into a brawl.

 

 

It went on for what seemed like forever.

 

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Two combatants, who I assume were males fighting for spring mating rites…

 

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Went at it hard and heavy.

 

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They bounced, and flew, and scrambled, and chased each other all over the back yard…

Until this happened.

 

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Not sure if you can tell by the picture…

 

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By one bird literally had his beak down the throat of the other.

They seemed to be stuck… and were thrashing like crazy.

It was horrible to watch.

 

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While I usually don’t interfere in nature, after what seemed like an eternity I finally went outside and made some noise.

It startled them and thankfully they broke apart.

I’m sorry, but no amount of sex is worth that!

 

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I believe it.

Damn!

Those little buggers are mean.

 

 

 

Pink sky at night….

 

Sailor’s delight.

Pink sky in morning….

Sailors take warning.

 

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Our backyard sky Sunday morning.

 

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Uh oh.

 

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Our weather has been wacky lately.

Bright sun and 55 degrees one day….

Cold, snow and bitter wind the next.

 

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Oh well..

We’ll get there eventually.

 

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But not today….

 

 

Me, shoveling Tuesday morning…..

And not really enjoying April.

Come on spring!

 

 

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Nothing blooming here but snowflakes…

But that doesn’t mean I can’t import a little now and then.

 As for the upcoming holiday?

 

Even better than rocks…

 

I’ve been known to give some interesting birthdays gifts in my time.

Some elicit laughter, some tears….

Some? Downright befuddlement.

It’s all good.

In the past few years, I’ve gifted my husband with experiences as well as tangible items.

2014 was a beer making lesson.

 

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Friends and family joined us for what I thought would be a laugh a minute celebration…

 

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Ah, look at those happy faces.

(Word of warning –  if you’re thinking about trying it? There’s a lot more to beer than drinking. And I don’t recommend any of it.)

Beer drinking? Fun!

Beer making?

 

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Not so much.

It’s a long involved process…. that I completely stopped caring about two hours in.

 

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Poor husband.

Look at him… he had his tasting glass ready and it wasn’t anywhere near finished.

Birthday experience gift rating on a scale of 1 to 10?

4.

 

Last year I nailed it with a School of Falconry class.

This was fabulous and we both enjoyed it immensely.

 

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Husband got up close and personal with a Harris Hawk and a Peregrine Falcon.

And they were both beautiful creatures.

 

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Learning to handle them can be challenging.

 

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As well as a little intimidating.

Of course, they were nothing compared to the instructor.

 

 

She was downright terrifying.

(I think the husband had flashbacks to boot camp and reverted to a quivering PFC before my eyes.)

But baggie of dead quails aside?

 

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An awesome day.

Birthday experience gift rating?

A definite 10!

 

So this year, along with the rock and other assorted presents…

I gave him a helicopter.

 

 

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Okay, calm down.

Those babies go for $425,000.

I gave him the experience of learning how to fly a helicopter.

Half an hour class instruction, half an hour flying time with 2 guests.

I’m not sure when we’ll do it, most likely after the weather warms up.

But I’m guessing it’s going to be a good one!

Assuming we don’t die in a flaming fireball of a crash…

That’s bound to reduce the rating.