Orange in da house!

 

Okay, technically…. outside the house.

 

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But I spotted a few of these beauties the other day…

 

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And realized it was time to get the Baltimore Oriole feeder out.

20 minutes later…. after tearing the utility  (read – I don’t know where else to put all this crap)  closet apart, I remembered a raccoon had broken last year’s feeder trying to drink the nectar and I never replaced it.

 

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May in Maine means Orioles.

It also means there’s not a feeder to be had within 500 miles. We northerners are starved for color after a long white winter and take our bird feeding seriously.

Jeff Bezos to the rescue.

 

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Good thing I don’t use Alexa.

 

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2 days later Amazon Prime came through with an interesting new triple threat feeder.

 

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A flat dish for nectar.

 

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Spikes for holding orange halves.

 

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And 4 reservoirs for grape jelly.

I’d never done the jelly before, but Holy Hell!  They love it.

Welch’s….

 

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Giving birds diabetes since 1923.

 

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Name That Crap #2

 

My first attempt at stumping WordPress readers with the husband’s crap failed miserably.

Name That Crap

Answer to Name That Crap

Clearly, you lot know your crap.

 

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No, it’s really not.

But let’s try again anyway.

 

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It stands approximately two feet tall and is made of wood and metal.

What it is?

 

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Yes, it is.

But I’ll need you to be more specific….

 

Have you ever gotten one of those gifts?

 

You know the ones I mean.

The  “Oh holy crap, did someone really just give me that?”  variety.

When I was a teenager I had an aunt who ran a department at Time/Life. She attended numerous publishing conventions and thought it was great fun to collect the freebies off the exhibitors tables and then wrap them up as gifts. Over the years I received Exxon pencil sets, IBM keychains, and Dow Chemical clipboards. I got Sheraton note paper and Hilton shampoo. I even unwrapped Army camouflage toilet paper for my birthday one year.

Good times.

 

 

But every once in a while, she would actually purchase something. Not a hardship, considering the woman had a blue chip stock portfolio as long as my arm.

When I was 15, she must have gone to a thrift store….because she came home and gifted me with a slightly used  “pretty blue and white porcelain thing.”

That’s what she called it, The Thing….. not knowing what it really was. When she apologized for the strong smell and told me I should probably wash it?

I realized it was a bong.

 

 

Okay, so she nailed it that time.

Me and The Thing had many happy years together.

But by far the most interesting and ludicrous gift she ever gave me was this book I found when cleaning out my closet a few weeks ago.

 

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She majored in English Lit at Smith and probably thought a collection of light hearted verse would be nice.

 

 

But sadly…

Attention to detail was not her strong suit.

As witnessed by the table of contents.

 

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Yeah.

When you have a chapter on buggery?

They’re not your mother’s limericks.

 

 

I’m not a prude, but wow.

Some of those rhymes make even me blush.

And as much as I’d like to share the truly colorful ones with you, I don’t want to get WordPress blacklisted.

So here’s a small sampling of the mildest instead.

 

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The moral of the story?

If you’re buying a book as a gift,  it’s probably a good idea to scan a few of the pages for content first.

That being said, if you’re ever in need of a filthy limerick…

I’m your girl.

 

 

See?

There’s a way to sneak Game of Thrones into everything.

Let’s Talk Chicken… chapter 2.

 

Admit it, you’d thought I’d forgotten about this series.

 

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Well, I didn’t.

And in case you missed chapter 1…

Let’s talk chicken…

Onward!

Chapter 2.

 

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Chicken etiquette.

(Be honest…

Where else can you find quality blog content like this?

No where, that’s where.)

 

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Chickens are the most common bird on earth.

And since they out number us by 43 billion?

You might want to pay attention.

The uprising could come any day now.

 

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Pecking order is important… and not always based on size. Scientists believe breed, intelligence and personality allow chickens to size up other members of the flock. Knowing your place is what it’s all about.

The usual hen house order goes like this:

 

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The rooster is king.

Let’s call him Jon…

 

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Next is the head hen…

 

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We shall call her Sansa.

 

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Then there’s the sentinel.

 

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Whose name is Arya.

 

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And finally, the weak bottom dweller…

 

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Who, of course… is named Theon.

 

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(Hey, it’s Game of Thrones final season…

It can’t all be about chickens.)

But here’s a tidbit of trivia you probably could have gone all day without knowing.

 

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Cold hearted bitches, chickens.

But who can blame her when a man with better hair comes along?

 

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Anyone want a cuppa?

 

I read an article the other day about one of the world’s most expensive teas.

Yes, tea.

Those lovely little leaves you drop into hot water and steep.

 

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Pure ambrosia….

As long as it’s not the dishwater my MIL used to drink.

 

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If you’re drinking tea? For God’s sake, drink tea.

I love tea, and am always intrigued to try a new one.

Except the one I read about the other day. It was called PET, short for Panda Ecological Tea. This particular tea sells for $200 a cup….. and if that’s not enough to frighten you away, the fact that’s it’s grown in China and is fertilized entirely with panda poo should be.

Apparently pandas poo 40 – 50 times a day, so I’m guessing supply isn’t an issue.

 

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Grown high in the Ya’an mountainous region of Sichuan China, the panda manure tea—or Panda Ecological Tea (PET) by its formal name—is said to be smooth, and offer health benefits because of the way that pandas digest bamboo in the wild—which leaves around 70% of the nutrients in their dung, not their bodies.

 

Panda manure has also been shown to carry bacteria that break down organic waste more effectively than any other known source. One experiment showed that the bacteria broke 100 kilograms of waste down into 3 kilograms after only a 17 week period, with only carbon dioxide and water byproducts. Researchers think that there is a market for this organic compound capable of reducing waste by 96%, but whether or not organic tea at $200 per cup is the answer, is questionable.

 

Questionable?

Probably.

Although you can’t fault the marketing campaign….

 

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It’s simply delightful.

And while I was researching this topic?

 

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I stumbled across another panda poo product…

 

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A new type of luxury facial tissue made with recycled Panda feces is set to be launched in China.

The bizarre product, called “Panda poo,” will retail at for $6.54 a box, ten times the price of ordinary tissue paper.

Addressing concerns of skeptics who may find it unhygenic to wipe their faces with feces, Zhou said that there are many processes in place to ensure the product is ready for consumption. After washing and streaming, the paper will be sterilized in high temperatures.

 

Panda poo.

Who knew it was so versatile?

 

Still drinking, still knowing…

 

Still have to share my ridiculously useless knowledge.

 

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Did you know….

 

1.   The little dot over a lower case  is called a tittle.

 

(There won’t be any memes to accompany that precious nugget of information.

Google image searching for the word “tittle” led me in some very disturbing directions.)

 

2.   An octopus will eat it’s own arms if it gets hungry enough.

But Hell….

I think we’ve all been tempted to do that at one time or another, no?

 

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3.  In 1900 the third leading cause of death was diarrhea.

Aren’t you glad you started reading this blog?

 

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4.  Winnie the Pooh was based on a real life female bear named Winnie who lived in the London Zoo.

 

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5.  The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by the Egyptians in 2000 BCE.

 

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I don’t know about you, but crocodile dung would definitely be enough to kill the mood for me.

 

6.  Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.

Really?

Orchids I could understand. They’re fussy, creepy, high maintenance flowers that look like they want to bite off your finger.

But ferns?

They’re delightful..

 

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7.   Buzz Aldrin’s mother’s maiden name was Moon.

How’s that for serendipity?

 

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8.  If you live in Michigan, it is illegal to put a skunk in your boss’s desk.

Sorry Detroiters…

I’m sure that’s very disappointing news.

 

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The great goat escape.

 

Yes, we who live in the country are easily amused.

 

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A few weeks ago as I was doing dishes, I saw one of our neighbor’s goats on the run…. with their daughters hot on it’s heels.

 

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It was a grand chase.

 

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And went on long enough for me to photograph it.

 

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Don’t think goats can run?

Try chasing one.

 

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One daughter managed to steer it closer to the outbuildings…

And viola… the take down.

 

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Country goats.

Because city people don’t know what to do with them…

 

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Dragons on the other hand…

 

Bwaahaahaa!