Tag Archives: squirrel

This bitch has got to go.

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Every Sunday night I kick the husband off the big tv in the living room and stay up late binge watching a bunch of recorded series. I don’t watch a lot of television, but I am addicted to a few HBO, Starz and Showtime programs that my other half hates.

So Monday is the one morning I sleep past 5:00am… and I relish my extra 2 hours. But this Monday morning? I was woken by a noise.

Scratching. And banging. Then more scratching.

I grumbled, I stumbled, I got out of bed and I found this….

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The red squirrel bitch from Hell. She had scaled the bush alongside the house and was scrambling up and down the screen, over and over. And then?

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She just hung there.

Taunting me.

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That bitch has got to go.

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Random January shots…

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I know the picture is bad and you probably can’t read the writing, but this salon I drove by last week?

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Claimed to be The Best Little Hair House in Augusta…. and that made me laugh.

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This is the January squirrel from our new calendar…. and if momma red dons a pair of skis? I’ll be sure to post a picture of that as well.

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I think we’re all entering the new year with a little trepidation, aren’t we…?

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Look!

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Our contractor does exist! I even caught him putting on the third coat of polyurethane.

And I had to take this picture as well, because the husband is so thrilled he’s going to have a bar?

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He walks out there everyday and communes with it.

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What fresh Christmas Hell is this…?

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Since the husband and I usually travel for Christmas, I haven’t done decorations for years. Wreaths in the windows, a few snowflake lights on the barn and a Charlie Brown tree on the table was as much enthusiasm as I could muster this season.

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And when you’ve been married as long as we have (37 years in a few weeks) presents aren’t a big deal either. We’re lucky enough to buy what we want, when we want (and he still doesn’t know my taste in jewelry) so we took a pass on that as well.

There is however one gift that keeps on giving.

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Yes, after a prolonged absence in which I continually prayed for her earthly demise…

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She was back on Christmas Eve. Looking for a way into the house.

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And taunting me…

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The little bitch.

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So if she comes down the chimney wearing a Santa hat today? I won’t be held responsible.

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No. It most definitely is not…

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Last minute Christmas gifts for the weirdos on your list.

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For those friends who like to play in the dirt?

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Pencils. They’re not just for chewing anymore…

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I thought this next one was cute.

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But realized I might be attacked by that hungry red squirrel bitch and had to pass.

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Yoga dice?

How am I supposed to play craps if a winning roll is downward facing dog.

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I see the appeal here.

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We’re building a barn bar and the husband has been known to tick me off.

Hmmm..

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Because an internal kind message will take the sting out of an F Bomb gift.

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And finally there’s jewelry.

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Because no woman can resist a man who gives her turd themed bling.

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Timing is everything.

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And it’s always bad at Casa River.

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Yesterday morning I saw that rat bastard red squirrel.

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She was running all over our roof and gutter probably looking for a way back into the house.

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I chased her off with the broom, but 10 minutes later she was back. She hung around for another half hour or so and for once….

I wish she’d stayed a little longer.

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Well, hello there.

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 Your timing was awful, but please come back another day.

I have multiple squirrel recipes to share.

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Motherhood can be rough

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We hadn’t seen much of mother red squirrel lately, which after the last pregnant photo I took of her.. was a very good thing.

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But she showed up yesterday…

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Looking kind of rough. Motherhood must be taking its toll this time around.

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Now if only I could coordinate her visits with this new addition to the backyard wildlife sightings….

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He could solve all our squirrel problems in one fell swoop.

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Surprise!

 

I got a few of them the other day.

 

 

One was how quickly the husband managed to junk up the few clear spaces of big barn floor we’d worked so hard to find.

 

 

After all these years it shouldn’t surprise me, but it did.

Here’s a new addition he must have smuggled in when I wasn’t looking.

 

 

The next surprise was how he expected me to help him clear floor space in there again because…. are you ready for it?

He was bringing home a pool table.

 

 

What?

Where!

And for the love of all that’s holy…. why?

Yes, a pool table.

Where? I have no idea. Because unless it measures 4×6 inches it’s not going to fit.

Why? Because his friend’s wife wanted it gone and it was free.

* Insert giant eye roll here*

So we tried to clear room…

 

 

But since the husband won’t part with anything? We just ended up with wider paths.

And if all that wasn’t bad enough….

The final surprise of the day came when he opened the big barn doors and found this:

 

 

See it?

 

 

A giant squirrel nest.

No more wondering where momma squirrel went.

That bitch has been busy.

 

 

You would not believe how much crap tumbled out of that small space.

 

 

And btw…. remember how I blamed the baby woodchucks for ripping the stuffing out of my porch furniture?

 

 

I was wrong.

 

 

There it was, providing fluffy bedding for the revolting red rodent and her brood.

I seriously hate that squirrel.

A veritable squirrel pantry…..

 

I was sitting in the living room reading when movement caught my eye.

 

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On closer inspection:

 

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Knowing this was not going to end well, I went outside to  chase the little red bastard investigate.

 

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Momma squirrel was back.

 

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When she saw me, she ran.

 

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And I thought, there.

That was easy.

 

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But she wasn’t running because I’d scared her.

No.

 

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She was just looking for a place to stash the apple chunk she’d stolen from the deer.

 

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I found this piece, and 4 others in various nooks and crannies of the table and chairs.

The next morning? 3 more pieces.

So now, everyday when I go outside?

 

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I have to pull half eaten apple pieces out of our patio furniture before the ants descend.

Good times.

 

absolutely-not-

 

I hate that squirrel!

Perfection in miniature.

 

Hummingbirds.

 

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More precisely our resident Ruby Throated Hummingbird.

 

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He’s laid claim to the feeder….

 

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And ferociously fights off all the others who attempt to sip.

 

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I’ve tried to get videos of the aerial ballets….

 

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But they’re much too fast for my lame camera equipment.

 

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You wouldn’t think something so tiny would be so fierce.

 

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But even this guy keeps his distance.

 

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Because size doesn’t matter.

 

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Or so I’ve been told.

Baby squirrel resurgence.

 

They’re baaaaaaack.

Well, at least the babies are.

 

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And they’re making themselves right at home on the deck.

 

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A little too much at home for my liking.

 

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Because they’re trying to get back into the hole they all came tumbling out of last month.

 

 

Cute? Yes.

Respectful house guests? No.

 

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And then the other day, a friend helped me out.

 

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No, it’s not the same picture.

Look in the lower right hand corner….

 

 

Baby woodchuck is finally earning his keep.

Well done sir.

Carry on.