Tag Archives: doctors

This really creams my corn!

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I went to the doctor recently.

Nothing worrisome, just my annual physical. I’m ridiculously healthy for my age and though I have a bad knee, bunions and the normal aches and pains associated with reaching my sixth decade… there were thankfully no major issues to discuss.

I don’t have diabetes, or high cholesterol or any other ailments that require medication so my annual wellness check is usually a quick in and out with a stamp of good health.

We have excellent insurance due to my husband’s military service and my visit is always completely covered.

Free.

Until the other day when I received this bill.

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It showed a $25 balance and while that certainly wasn’t a problem…. it was different, and made me wonder what had changed.

Not being able to decipher the coded language on the bill, I did some research.

Turns out I’m too healthy.

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I’m being penalized because I’m healthy?

The doctor didn’t have to make any medical decisions.

So they charge me more?

What the utter hell is that about!

😡

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Remember when I said I hated digital health care?

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I’m changing that to despise.

After receiving worrying numbers on my blood tests, I waited for my primary doctor to contact me.

And waited.

And waited…

I called, but she wasn’t there.

I asked for a call back, but she never did.

So I succumbed to the technology I hate and sent her a message on the infernal digital portal.

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Their statement…

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At the end of the second day?

I got this.

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Which puzzled and pissed me off… until I realized it fulfilled their two day time limit on answers and probably saved them grief from the powers that be.

Didn’t help me any though.

The next day?

This…

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Let me get this straight…

I was sick, so I went to the doctors.

They drew blood to see why I was sick.

The results came back abnormal and the reason they give…. is because I was sick?

What kind of twisted medical merry go round is that? I know I was sick, that’s why I went and had blood drawn.

WTF?

Abnormal, but no reason given.

Abnormal, but not abnormal enough to worry.

It’s a good thing I’ve started to feel better by myself because they certainly weren’t helpful.

😡

This is why I dislike going to the doctors..

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After feeling like utter crap for a week, my husband drug my sorry self to our health care providers office yesterday. Naturally my primary physician was unavailable, but they had one appointment open. With a new doctor who just started there.

Basically, he’d just started anywhere. He was a newbie, probably under 30 years old and freshly graduated from Dartmouth College. He was very nice, very polite and very thorough. With the symptoms he wanted to address.

As I said yesterday I’ve been experiencing a bit of dizziness but my main complaint has been constant stomach discomfort, nausea and crippling fatigue.

Though I told him the most I’d eaten at one time in the last week was half a piece of toast, he zeroed in on the dizziness and gave me a seriously bizarre neurological examination.

He put his hands on my cheeks and told me to press my tongue against them.

He had he me extend one palm upward and flap the other hand back and forth against it as fast as I could.

I told him I’d had bouts of vertigo on and off my entire life, but that wasn’t why I was there.

Didn’t matter, he was off to the races and had me do balance tests, positional transition tests and a bunch of other nonsense that triggered my vertigo and made me feel worse.

Diagnosis?

Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo.

(The simple explanation-

BPPV happens because there’s a problem deep inside your ear where your balance is controlled. Tiny calcium particles in your inner ear get loose and float around where they don’t belong. This causes symptoms. 

The particles shift around when you move your head in certain ways, such as rolling over in bed or bending over to pick something up.)

He seemed pleased, and set me up with referrals to a therapist who apparently has exercises and manipulations to restore the loose rocks in my head.

Great.

And what about my other issues?

As he was shuffling me out the door, I had to beg him to do blood tests to see if any of my vitamin levels were off or I if had anemia because this fatigue is insane. He was completely uninterested in my stomach issues and suggested I might have picked up a virus somewhere. Basically, he poo pooed my weeklong discomfort as unimportant and told me to eat bland foods for two weeks.

So I’m home. Not feeling one bit better and without any more idea of what’s going on than before.

Ugh.

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Commando … or no?

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Because only serious topics are discussed on this blog.

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I’m going to do something I don’t normally do here and share something personal…. so file it under ‘more than you ever needed to know about River’ and then call it a day.

When I get ready for bed, everything comes off before the pajamas go on. No sleep panties, no nighttime bra. Hell I can’t wait to rip that sucker off after wearing it all day, I’m certainly not putting on another one.

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This, as you may have guessed… was a ridiculous article.

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I am so not ordering The Penis Book from Amazon.

Uh uh.

No way.

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So there you have it.

Or don’t as the case may be.

😉

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News you can’t use.

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Because I doubt I’ll ever run out of ridiculous headlines.

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I’ve never been so glad to not be a doctor.

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Methinks Dr. Willis enjoyed his job a little too much.

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I’m totally signing up for that bus tour!

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For me?

It’s been roughly 59 years and counting…

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Good grief Florida, what next? You and Texas are neck and neck for weird happenings this year.

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Being quarantined and sprayed with chemicals isn’t my idea of a good time, but whatever. .

And if you’re wondering how toxic that chemical is?

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If it’s illegal… why and how is the Florida government using it!

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The good old days.

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When I was flipping through my old baby book that was recently rescued from the cave of crap cellar, something interesting fell out.

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It was from my pediatrician’s prescription pad and instead of filling the younger version of me with drugs and antibiotics as doctors do today, it recommended a few simple home remedies for colds and sore throats that mothers have been using since time began.

Those really were the good old days.

🙂

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Getting ready for his close up.

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Yes boys and girls, it’s that time again. Time to pucker up ( so to speak ) and smile for the camera.

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The husband has a butt cam appointment in his immediate future and we just received the 12 page instruction booklet from the hospital. Remember back in the day you just picked up some awful powder from the pharmacist, mixed it with liquid and spent the entire day on the throne praying for death? Well, things have gotten a bit more complicated now.

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The list of things you can’t eat a week before the prep is enormous, as is the amount of fluid they want you to push.

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And because my husband has the annoying habit of always making appointments first thing in the morning, he will have to rise at 3:30am to drink the final 32 ounces of laxative.

Good times.

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Leave it to me.

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If there’s a one in a million chance of getting a weird side effect from the Covid vaccine? You know it’s going to be me.

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This is my kind of luck.

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So I got my second dose of the Pfizer vaccine Friday morning. By Friday afternoon, my arm was sore and I had a slight headache…. which was no big deal and to be expected. I went to bed at 10:00 and called it good. Until I woke up Saturday morning with body aches, sluggish fatigue, a bigger headache and an odd tenderness under my left arm. I was pretty useless all day, went to bed at 7:00pm but couldn’t sleep for the pain. By Sunday morning? I had a rock hard grapefruit in my armpit.

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Darth Kermit is an asshole.

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I admit I was a little freaked out and immediately hit the computer for some medical research. Yes, it is a possible side effect… though it’s rare and only hits 0.3% of the public. It usually lasts a week to ten days, but can be sore for up to a month.

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Ironically, I had a routine doctors appointment scheduled for today and I just got back. They told me they hadn’t seen a patient present with it yet, but they did have a male nurse with a bad case. Of course he didn’t have to worry about wearing a tight bra, so my sympathy only went so far.

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The doctor told me our lymph nodes are part of our body’s immune response system and they swell when they’re fighting infection. So the fact that mine are inflamed is actually a positive reaction to the vaccine.

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Maybe so. But I’m here to tell you, it’s not a pleasant feeling.

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Real time update.

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At 8:00 this morning I was standing tall at the orthopedist’s office.

Okay, standing is a relative term… it was more like listing 45 degrees and hopping around like a rabbit on a 3 day bender.

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But you’d hop too if your right knee looked like this:

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A little swollen… no?

The good news –

My xrays came back clean, no fractures, no bone spurs and no signs of arthritis.

The bad news –

The doctor thinks I tore my meniscus when I stained the deck. Fluid and swelling set in, which weakened the joint. Then the other day when I stepped off the porch I probably damaged my ACL and possibly my MCL. Not good.

There’s no way to tell for sure until I have an MRI which they couldn’t schedule until next Thursday.

So a weeks worth of ice, elevation, ibuprofen and gentle range of motion exercises.

And whining.

Don’t forget the whining.

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Yes, there might be some of that kind as well.

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I rarely post in real time….

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But I’m in pain and quite cranky, so here goes.

Remember a while back I stained our back deck on my hands and knees? I do it every few years but this time it caught up with me. Thank you (not so) old age, you suck the big root.

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My knee had been stiff and sore for the last month but I’m tougher than I look and just went about my business.

Bad move. Very, very bad.

Yesterday I stepped off my kitchen porch and something snapped. Like a rubber band… and yes, I screamed. Did I mention we had a big storm the night before and had been without power for 10 hours by then?

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Good times.

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I hobbled back in the house and iced it down but holy hell it hurt. I couldn’t walk, couldn’t bend, couldn’t put any weight on it whatsoever. Spent a very uncomfortable and sleepless night, then woke up looking something like this:

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I didn’t dare attempt a shower, so I limped to the doctors office this morning with my radical bed head and frightened a few staff members along the way.

Hey, ya gotta take your jollies where you can.

Turns out the doctor they assigned me wasn’t really a doctor just a nurse practitioner. And when he put me on the table to start pulling and tugging my leg in different directions? I was ready to cram his stethoscope where the sun don’t shine.

After the exam and manipulation I was almost in tears. Which is when he told me to go across town for xrays and an appointment with an orthopedist because oh, by the way… he had no earthly idea what was wrong with me. As I made my way back to the waiting room… with the speed of a 200 year tortoise… I discovered my husband had decided now would be a good time to request his flu shot.

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Which we waited a good half hour for.

So.. by the time I got across town, had xrays and was ready for my orthopedist appt? We found out the orthopedist leaves at noon.

It was 12:05…. and I was not a happy camper.

Long story long, I have an appointment tomorrow morning at 8:00am and they think I either tore a ligament or ripped a tendon. Either way, it’s not good.

And oh yes, my devoted spouse who took the day off from work to care for me? He’s at our local pub having a late lunch. Me? I had to make my own.

Ain’t love grand?

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