I knew when I clicked that stupid disembodied nostril Duluth Trading Company ad for underwear the other day I would regret it. I knew it… and I did it anyway for the sake of a blog laugh.
Now, I pay the price.
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Yes, the algorithms have kicked in with a vengeance.
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I know that particular item is meant for your shoes to provide traction in the snow, but admit it. You visualized the same kinky S&M corset I did on first glance too … right?
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Unless you need a gift for Tiny Tim’s grandson, I can find no reasonable explanation for that product.
And finally after all those bombs, I saw something I would actually consider buying.
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A chicken flicker.
It’s like darts, with poultry. Perfect!
I was picturing hours of slightly intoxicated fun in the man cave and then…
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Way to go Duluth.
Teasing a girl with competitive chicken tossing and then not delivering is just cruel.
It seems that I, the annoying person who posts too much your favorite blogger, has finally run afoul of the law. Yes, ladies and gentlemen… the authorities may soon be kicking in the door to Casa River and hauling her prolific ass away.
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What was my crime you ask? Apparently it’s blogging, and I currently have two outstanding warrants.
The first came in the form of a cease and desist email. And when I saw the reason, I had to laugh at the lengths our resident red rodent bitch would go to for revenge.
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Yes, the owner of the red squirrel calendar whose photos I’ve been featuring on the first of every month has made it clear I am in violation of reproducing her material without permission. How did she find my piddling inconsequential little blog in the vastness of the World Wide Web? There’s only one answer.
She was tipped off. Damn that varmint!
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My second offense was posting about that awful jewelry made from dead relative’s teeth last November. I’m not sure who spilled the proverbial beans on this one, but the creator of those hideously macabre pieces sent a message saying I had 30 days to remove the post or I would be sued for copyright infringement.
To this I have to say…
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In my defense on count 1:
I bought the friggin’ squirrel calendar. Paid good money for it and hung it on my kitchen wall. If anything, I would think me blogging about it every month would drum up interest and spread the word for future sales, but no. The photographer was pissed… so there will be no more first of the month red squirrels.
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Sorry. Take it up with my lawyer.
Regarding the second count:
The story and photos of the uber creepy jewelry made from our dearly departed’s teeth were taken from an article on Facebook. I figured if the pictures had been floating around that platform grossing people out, why not this one? To be honest… I think if I had raved about how beautiful they were she would have been fine with it. But I was told in no certain terms I would be sued unless I removed my post. So remove it I did. Bye bye great grandmother’s incisor necklace, can’t say I’ll miss you.
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So there you have it. If I should suddenly disappear from the blogosphere? You’ll know I’ve been railroaded and am residing in the cross bar hotel. Please be a pal and post my bail so I can continue to bring you the mindless drivel quality content you’ve come to know and love.
Am I the only one who does this? You see something and think to yourself… I need to blog that. Then you save it on your camera roll only to have it languish there for weeks because it doesn’t deserve its own post?
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Yeah, like that. Weird, probably worthy of a joke, but not enough to build a blog around.
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And I’m sure that’s perfectly delightful, for everyone but the chicken who’s suffocating in a plastic bubble and probably terrified at the cornucopia of sweaty flesh on display at the shore… but an entire post? No.
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Maine real estate has always been high, but right now it’s absolutely insane. When the average median price for a house is 3/4’s of a million? You know people have lost their minds. And in case you’re wondering, the cheapest price shown is in a town that was nothing but redneck trailers and two bedroom ranches a decade or so ago.
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Yes, I could blog about how no one but the wealthy can afford a home up here anymore… but that’s too depressing.
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So I’ll end with Lord Dudley Mountcatten helping me make the bed.
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Needless to say, the bed did not get made that morning.
Ah, Keith… he’ll outlive us all. When the earth is experiencing the utter destruction of nuclear winter? Two things will survive… cockroaches and Keith Richards.
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Here’s Larry, Curly and Moe. The three wild turkeys that my oh so stubborn husband chases off our property at least 4 times every morning. It’s comical to watch my other half flying across the back yard in his pajamas and slippers, waving his arms like Robbie the Robot, hollering at them to scat…. while the Stooges run to the edge of the property line and patiently wait for him to go back inside.
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100,000 people have had nothing better to do with their lives for the past 2 years than read my drivel filled posts. If that isn’t cause for celebration? I don’t know what is.
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This small bottle of supposedly outstanding margarita mix a friend gave me was funny for one reason only.
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10 cocktails? From that mini container! Clearly they’ve never bellied up to our bar.
*Title is an archaic reference to a classic game show. Kudos if you know which one.*
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Oh, be quiet.
The point of this blog? WordPress followers. I know most of you probably don’t pay attention to your list, but I do and conduct daily removals of all businesses and bots. I don’t need car insurance, yoga pants, a kale soufflé recipe or a 5 step program to be a better me. This me is as good a me as I’m ever going to get. Someday someone will explain to me why so many of these people/machines feel the need to follow me over and over again.
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Dairy products? Perhaps she/it wants to hug a cow…
Furniture? Clearly someone/thing enjoyed my leather chair shopping saga.
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Same face, three different names and sites. Zap. Zap. Zap.
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And back she/it comes. No matter how many times I delete…
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The next day they’re back.
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So here’s my question.
What are they getting out of this? And why can’t they take the hint?
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Nice try with the alcohol Paula. At least you’re getting to know me better.
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Where there's only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.
River's world..... 