That’s me. Always missing the big events.
Half the time I’ve never heard of them or even knew they were a ‘thing’.
Case in point – did you know May was National Masturbation Month?
I didn’t either!
But it was, and I missed it.
I also missed this:
For which I am eternally grateful.
But I’m not sure whether I should be thrilled or horrified.
Well isn’t that special?
So please, someone do the research and let me know if any records were broken.
I’ll be busy trying to figure out how to tag this post without attracting every porn spammer in the blogosphere.
Because wouldn’t you rather laugh?
That puts things in perspective.
For quite a bit longer by the looks of things.
Don’t you just hate when that happens?
Hell, in Maine…. it already does.
Grocery stores have become the new I-95. Wrong way dumb asses, rubberneckers, and the road police who do 25 miles under the posted speed limit.
Move aside people….
River needs double fudge brownie mix. And tequila.
A fitting finale.
Trips to the grocery store are so much more interesting these days.
And by interesting, I mean annoying A.F.
Take for example… the ample directional signage.
Since I am a fully functioning literate adult, I read this and my brain processes the instruction quite quickly.
For those unlucky souls who don’t possess my lightning quick reasoning? There was also this helpful accompaniment.
Pretty straight forward, right?
Then why…. on every single aisle I traversed…. did I have to dodge customers coming straight at me? Many without the facial covering the store… and now this particular town…. requires.
Regardless whether you’re on board with the whole mask, social distancing, 6 feet apart regime…. it’s this grocery store’s policy and they’re doing it to try and keep you safe. You don’t have to shop there, but if you do? Please pay attention… and study those pesky one syllable directions.
I’d hate to inadvertently (on purpose) stick my foot out as you pass by.
While adults are complaining about being shuttered at home with spouses….
And wondering if their favorite bar stool at the local pub is lonely with out them…
(okay, that might just be me)
The little people are suffering too.
No school, no play dates, no adventures.
The grand daughter of our heart is getting a kick out of receiving snail mail so along with cards to let her know we’re thinking of her….. I send a small gift now and then as well.
First was a cute little upside down teddy bear drinking glass.
But I think the second one was a bigger hit.
I swear I’ve cooked more meals in the last two months than I have in the previous six.
Virus quarantining means a lack of many things, but around here? A full plate isn’t one of them.
I never used to cook or eat breakfast. Now it’s blueberry banana pancakes and thick cut bacon.
I used to eat a light lunch. Now it’s cream of turkey and wild rice soup, a chicken Caesar wrap and a chocolate chip cannoli.
Four nights a week we used to have salad. Now it’s more likely to be a pot roast dinner with all the fixings.
We may not do much else, but damn it… we eat.
Which means I’m getting tired of cooking and craving some decent take out.
Our last two attempts were abysmal failures but we finally got lucky at a little local restaurant in the next town I never paid much attention to before.
Delectable, juicy, and dripping with sauce… these sweet and spicy Thai wings were pure ambrosia. I admit to sharing with the husband…. but only grudgingly.
There was also a stellar pizza called the Mainer. Garlic butter brushed crust with Italian sausage, bacon, onion, peppers, mushroom and olives.
I was thrilled.
I was ecstatic.
I may have drooled.
So yes, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say we’ll probably be repeating the process.
Lately, it’s like they’re not even trying.
I know the viral pandemic and toilet paper apocalypse have generally made people lazy, but really.
Even the spammers are phoning it now.
32 spam messages on one post, and they all say the same thing.
Where’s the fun in that!
And for the record?
I have no idea how you can log in, so stop asking.
Get a grip.
I made a trek to the grocery store today where I was met with the same empty ‘oh my God the sky is falling and we’ll never be able to buy dish soap again’ shelves.
Yes, dish soap.
Good grief, are we still doing this?
By all means wear a mask to protect others.
Preferably color coordinated to your shirt.
But enough with the ‘we must fill the underground bunker with every canned good in a 600 mile radius’ mentality.
The news squawks about meat shortages…. but the cases were full of every conceivable type of flesh imaginable.
Unless you want red quinoa brown…. which I didn’t, and never will ….. no can do.
Tolerant chick pea and green lentil pasta?
No, damn it! I have no tolerance for that.
Toilet paper? Nope.
Not unless you’re supposed to use those strategically placed plastic loofahs.
Look… there’s one shaped like an ice cream cone!
That has possibilities.
The lack of eggs was definitely a new development.
When I spoke with the cashier she assured me that they do get regular deliveries and stock the shelves as they always have. No one has an explanation for the continued panic buying after all this time.
It really is getting old, as well as ridiculous.