Tag Archives: google

Search terms.

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Have you ever checked the search terms on your blog?

I never really thought about how people found my site, just figured they were like minded weirdos who liked rocks and woodchucks…. but then I read a friend’s post and realized Google could have directed readers searching for specific things to my little corner of the virtual hemisphere.

The results?

More than a little disturbing.

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I admit I did write a blog about ukuleles a while back, but I promise you…. pictures of young girls doing it doggy style have never appeared on this page.

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Likewise for that abomination! And while I was seriously tempted to Google it myself for the purposes of adding a comical image, that’s an algorithm I can most assuredly do without.

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I did post ad nauseam about our trip to Sedona, though to be honest I don’t remember meeting any snake men uptown.

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I have no explanation for dong diet whatsoever, though it was directly followed by ‘I really shouldn’t’ so that may be all the explanation you need.

🤣

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Inexplicable.

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When I was writing the post about my beloved small batch artisan gin, I searched Google images for an ‘Oh, the horror!’ meme…

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This was what I chose, but it was the image that popped up first that had me a trifle bewildered.

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As you probably know by now, I’m a lefty.

A tree hugging, pro choice, marriage equality, liberal Democrat. I believe in exploring alternative energy sources, saving the environment and climate change. I advocate for voting rights, helping those less fortunate and the wealthy paying their fair of taxes.

I want a strong economy, a support system for veterans and strict regulations on global polluters.

What I have never wanted, no less ever considered?

Mutant armored capybaras.

What. The. Utter. …

What?

If someone on the other side of the political spectrum could respectfully explain this… I’d be most appreciative.

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Super Bowl food horrors.

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If you’re not familiar with the tradition , every year Google releases a map of the most popular Super Bowl food searches by state.

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Being game day, I’m posting this helpful hint of what not to eat while watching Mahomes take Brady down a peg. Maine clicked in with traditional nachos, but some other states seem to have lost their minds.

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Vermont went a different route. But then again, they usually do.

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Oh, hell no Nebraska.

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This just keeps getting worse.

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Jesus. Do people not know how to snack anymore?

Chia seed at the Super Bowl. WTF!

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My first one is a live pear.

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I don’t know about you, but I never have anything pop up in the ‘search terms’ box of my stats page…. until now.

I was excited! What was someone looking for when they arrived at my page… Chickens? Rocks? Rodent rebellions? It could be anything.

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New live pears?

What the…

What?

This required a Google search of my own.

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The Grisly Pear and… zombies.

No, that can’t be right.

Let’s try again.

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Okay, a giant lau lau is strange enough…

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But a waterproof bullet vibrator?

What the utter F!

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Throwing some questions out into the universe.

 

Why is it that….

Every time you’re in a rush to get out the door?

Great Aunt Trudy will call and want to regale you with detailed stories of her piles.

If I didn’t want to hear about them the last 3 times we spoke? Chances are I really don’t want to hear about them when I’m 10 minutes late for an appointment.

 

h1CCB7416

 

Why is it that

Every time I cut my hand in the kitchen?

I’m in danger of bleeding out because I can’t get the damned Bandaid package open with one hand.

Seriously, WTH?

 

 

Why is it that

Even though I’m a font of useless knowledge, I let my friends down last week when I couldn’t come up with the winning answer in a trivia game tie breaker at my local bar?

 

2nd-place-is-only-the-first-loser

 

But, come on.

Did you know that the original name for the Google search engine was…

BackRub?

No… I didn’t think so.

 

 

Why is it that…

Every time I take the time to wash and wax my car?

It either rains, or a flock of pigeons who’ve just eaten at Chipolte follow me home.

 

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Why is it that….

Every time I think I have absolutely nothing to blog about?

I always manage to come up with something ridiculous.

 

 

You’re welcome.