Tag Archives: zombies

Products you’re too embarrassed to admit you want.

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But I know you do.

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Admit it, we’ve all wanted to feel a little warmer and cheesier this year.

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This gives a whole new meaning to the word shortcake.

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Skin as soft and supple as a nice juicy brain? What woman doesn’t dream of that!

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I have to admit this one might have validity. We live next to a horse farm and see our fair share of flies. A real life arcade game with salt bullets… hmm.

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My first one is a live pear.

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I don’t know about you, but I never have anything pop up in the ‘search terms’ box of my stats page…. until now.

I was excited! What was someone looking for when they arrived at my page… Chickens? Rocks? Rodent rebellions? It could be anything.

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New live pears?

What the…

What?

This required a Google search of my own.

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The Grisly Pear and… zombies.

No, that can’t be right.

Let’s try again.

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Okay, a giant lau lau is strange enough…

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But a waterproof bullet vibrator?

What the utter F!

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I love my town … part, whatever.

 

Our town’s FB page has been filled with blog fodder lately.

Here are a few of the best…

 

 

Name That Scat?

You can’t get quality posts like this in the city.

No sir.

 

 

Damn, I wonder if that drone crackpot who wrapped himself in tinfoil lives close by?

No anal probes needed here.

 

 

This is utterly fabulous.

No joke.

 

 

Good thing the husband didn’t see this.

Free is a four letter word as far as I’m concerned.

 

 

 

Christ…

I hope not.

 

 

Our townspeople are so helpful.

Because you can never be too prepared for Zombies.

 

 

Toilet paper…

What’s that?

 

 

The Easter Bunny was spotted last month, although I’m not sure why he needed a cannon.

 

 

Thankfully this person lives on the other side of town because while tire planters are never a good idea….

Hot pink tire planters would strain even Mr. Rogers’ love for his neighbors.

I’m suddenly glad that I don’t drink coffee.

 

Because I saw this in the store a while back….

 

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And have to admit it was a little frightening.

 

 

For anyone interested in a life threatening coffee experience, you can find it here.

 

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Their advertising tag line is “It will wake the dead”…. so please be careful who you give it to.

The world has enough overly caffeinated zombies as is.

 

Grocery store oddities.

 

Proof positive you can find blog fodder everywhere.

Not being a Slim Jim or pork rind fan I passed on these…

 

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I mean, hey… I like spicy food.

But not hot enough to make my pig squeal.

Then there was this –

 

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A clever ad gimmick for Walking Dead fans, but I can turn into a zombie by drinking just about anything.

No apocalypse necessary.

 

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I did buy these lemons.

Although I was little disappointed they didn’t have seed spitting lips.

Next time I’ll look for the GMO versions.

They’re always more interesting.

 

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And finally, back to the liquor aisle.

While the name Screwball caught my attention….

 

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I could come up with no reasonable explanation for adding peanut butter to a perfectly good whisky.

That’s just wrong.

 

 

 

 

 

I love my town…. Part 6.

 

Time for an update on the stories making the news on my town’s Facebook page.

Traffic jams are awful, no two ways about it…..

But in my town?

 

 

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They’re not always bumper to bumper.

 

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And then there was this:

 

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No, damn it! I did not.

We’ve lived here over 17 years and the only moose I’ve seen was a dead one on I-95.

Trotting right down Main Street?

 

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Another missed opportunity.

And finally, there was this:

 

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My first thought was the zombie fish apocalypse had begun… and I started to get a little nervous.

But it turns out a bald eagle was fishing the river, dropped his sturgeon while flying and decided to munch on it in situ.

 

 

Because the thought of zombie fish taking over my blog?

Not cool.

 

Diana’s Baths Part 5… rocks, foliage and zombie toes.

 

Okay… I lied. When we discovered the cairn garden I thought we were at the top, but it turns out we weren’t.

 

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Yes ladies and gentlemen….

 

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There will be more rocks.

 

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And trees.

 

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And trees that hug rocks.

 

 

 

But I promise you…

 

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This time we had found the top.

 

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But standing there, it really does make you wonder where all the water comes from.

 

 

 

The pools are shallow and yet the water keeps flowing… and flowing… and flowing.

Flowing so much in fact..

 

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You knew that was coming, right?

Add another christened outhouse to the list.

Done with the Baths, we back headed down.

 

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Through some lovely paths…

 

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Where sometimes you just have to look up.

 

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And soak in the splendor of autumn.

Naturally, when you look up…. you’re apt to trip over something you would have seen if you were looking down.

Like I did.

 

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Please tell me I’m not the only one who sees a half buried zombie toe here.

 

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And here.

Overgrown toenails et al.

It’s enough to make a girl shiver…

And crave a fortifying alcoholic beverage.

 

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Which I found here.

 

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At the Black Cap Grille, one of our favorite spots in North Conway.

 

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Happily fortified with cocktails and a yummy grilled Caesar salad (If you’ve never eaten it this way? Start now)

And some succulent crab cakes…

 

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We called it a day.

 

 

 

Scrambling…

 

 

 

No, not eggs.

Vacations.

You see, for the entire year my husband has been saying he’s going to retire in December. He also forbade me to book any vacations because he works for the Federal Government and can sell back his leave when he goes.

(He gets 5 weeks off every year, so the payout can be substantial.)

 

 

Except now that the day is rapidly approaching, he decided he’s going to work a little longer.

Yes, his reasoning is sound.

 

  1. The old boss he hated has left and been replaced with a laid back, drama free manager.
  2. Starting next year, they’re going to push teleworking from home 2-3 days a week…. and since he already works four 10 hour days, it will probably be a 1 day a week commute.
  3. Good benefits.
  4. Good pay.
  5. The ability to dump more in our TSP (Thrift Savings Plan, the government’s answer to a company matching IRA).

 

I get it.

I do…

But our retirement plan was to travel, and I’d like him to be semi-mobile and breathing without a respirator when we do. (Hauling a corpse in and out of resort elevators is such a drag.)

 

Zombie-nuts

 

But back to the scrambling….

It’s almost the end of the year and I don’t have much time to plan and book 5 weeks worth of vacations before time runs out. It’s not easy with the holidays right around the corner. We have a timeshare on a points system and can go anywhere, but since he’s waited so long to request time off, he can’t get more than a week at a time…. which leaves out long distance trips. I hate spending 2 days flying back and forth for only 4 days on site. With the price of tickets these days, it’s not worth it.

So thanks to WordPress’s magic scheduling ability, as you read this… we are currently returning from a week at a ski resort in the western mountains of Maine.

 

 

That’s right Lionel, I haven’t been here for a week and you didn’t even miss me.

God bless technology.

Did we ski? Hell no, it’s too early for that… even in Maine. But it’s a beautiful area and I’m sure we explored. And drank. And took pictures.

The deluge of photos will begin shortly….

 

not again

 

You’ve been warned.