Tag Archives: fruit

Epic Sangria fail.

.

With warm weather approaching a lot of local bars have started serving white wine sangria and I’m making it my mission in life to try them all.

A girl has to have goals.

Not being a huge fan of the heavier red versions, I looked forward to this one…

.

.

Kiwi, pear and apple? Yes please.

.

.

I should have known something was off when it was served with an orange, and true to form this was the most horrible concoction I’d had in ages.

Do not put Vanilla vodka in Sangria. Ever.

Blech!

.

.

That’s the ruination of perfectly good fruit.

.

I think she missed the class on burying.

.

Little dried pieces of fruit have been appearing in strange places around our house as of late.

.

.

On the railings, the steps, at the edge of the gutters. And for a while I just thought the birds bit off more than they could chew. (Do birds chew?)

.

.

But then there she was. Scurrying around the back deck with fruit in her mouth looking for a place to bury her treasure for future consumption.

.

.

I think she must have missed that class at squirrel university.

What a dumb ass.

And speaking of squirrels? While the husband and I decided to take a pass on gifts this Valentines Day… I have to admit he won the card contest hands down.

.

.

It’s perfect.

🤣

.

Whipple what…?

.

Upon leaving the distillery, I spotted a sign.

.

.

And seeing that we had nowhere pressing to be, we headed for the woods.

.

.

Or rather a house in the woods, up a steep driveway, to what looked like a converted garage.

.

.

The fact that it was filled with antique radios…

.

.

And vintage wooden snowshoe molds made my other half feel right at home.

We were warmly greeted, offered a plush seat at the bar and handed a sampling menu.

.

.

For a small batch home spun winery, they had a large list and we each chose 5.

.

.

Since vineyard grapes don’t grow in Maine (too cold dontcha know) the wines were heavily fruited alternatively. Apples, cranberries, pears, blueberries… even a coconut lime that I had to try even though I knew it would be awful.

No surprise – it was.

There were one or two that were tasty, but I have a hard time taking a winery seriously when they offer PB&J. 🤢

.

.

And oh… if you were wondering how the place got its name, or what in the actual Hell a whipple is?

Here’s a hint: they made a lamp out of one and now my husband wants to make his own for over the new pool table.

.

.

“Whippletrees are used in tension to distribute forces from a point load to the traces of draught animals(the traces are the chains or straps on each side of the harness, on which the animal pulls). For these, the whippletree consists of a loose horizontal bar between the draught animal and its load. The centre of the bar is connected to the load, and the traces attach to its ends. Whippletrees are used especially when pulling a dragged load such as a plough, harrow, log or canal boat or for pulling a vehicle (by the leaders in a team with more than one row of animals).”

And yes… of course my husband owns three of them, even though he’s never had a horse, ox or donkey.

.

Apple graveyard

.

After my husband cut the wood and dragged off the small branches from his apple tree butchering….

.

.

We were left with a veritable apple graveyard.

.

.

I filled buckets and totes and gave a large box to our friend but there were still hundreds on the ground.

.

.

I love to bake and will occasionally dehydrate but I’m not a canner. Which means we had too many apples. I tried to gift them to our neighbors but they all have trees loaded with fruit this year as well.

Enter our town’s Facebook page.

.

.

I was immediately flooded with messages and let 3 women come over and harvest the bounty. They all filled big buckets but there was still more on the ground.

.

.

Perfect! The porcine owner showed up with her kids, buckets, totes, bags and a wagon. She totally cleared out the area and I thought how nice… their pet piggy will be happily munching on sweet treats. I asked her to send me a picture of the cutie and sadly realized that little piggy won’t be happy for long.

.

.

*gulp*

I thanked her, but declined the offer. Come on, if you name him? You shouldn’t eat him.

.

I feel like my food is just phoning it in.

.

After reading an article about a fine arts student in Montreal who made clothing out of food?

.

.

I realized the contents of my refrigerator have to step up their game.

.

.

Damn it cabbage, get up off your ass.

.

.

And to think I’ve been wasting my broccoli in casseroles.

.

.

A potato chip shirt? Sure it’s all innocent fun… until someone opens the dip.

.

.

I don’t know about you, but an orange isn’t going to cut it for me. My girls would need cantaloupes.

.

Random clutter

.

Question: Does Lord Dudley Mountcatten need to travel around the block like a little astronaut?

.

.

Answer: He most definitely does not.

.

.

Jesus wept. Somewhere, someone thought this was a good idea.

.

.

Albino broccoli? I can see that….

.

.

I’m over the abundance of rude license plates you see on the roads these days. They’re not funny, just rude.

.

.

You know you haven’t been drinking enough barn cocktails when you reach for some fruit… but find you could harvest penicillin instead.

.

.

I think identifying these as “American” is overkill.

As if any other country would do this….

.

I’m a sucker for fruit.

.

I love fruit! I love it on my plate, I love it in my drinks and now I’m hoping to love it on my face.

.

.

Enter some highly recommended moisturizer.

.

.

Have you noticed this new trend in packaging? Cute little welcome notes whenever you open a box. Sorry folks, but I’m neither glowing nor part of your gang. (I’m currently picturing juvenile delinquent bananas with their peels undone standing on a street corner, smoking a cigarette and snarling at passers by.)

.

.

Banana soufflé for your face, how bad could it be? They want you to add pineapple serum if you’re looking dull. Heck… if you add a little rum, my skin will perk right up. Guaranteed!

.

.

I admit I was a tad disappointed with the minuscule size of this product. I mean come on, it’s made from bananas. It’s not like they’re rare.

.

.

Vegan and cruelty free is great, but stating you’re free of sulfates and silicons on top of a list of chemicals I can barely pronounce doesn’t exactly scream natural.

.

.

Time Traveler Part 3

.

Let’s word.

.

.

My birth year seems to have been full of scientific additions that mean absolutely nothing to me.

.

.

But dragon fruit? I had a martini made from those once and it was lovely.

.

.

Elevator music? Great, the next time Barry Manilow comes on at the mall everyone will blame me.

.

Fetal position? I’m ashamed to say I have assumed that after a night of too many martinis…. and it was far from lovely.

.

Hotdog? Now that I think about it my mother always called them frankfurters. Maybe she was a Rocky Horror Picture Show fan after all.

.

.

And finally Japanese quail, which now that I think about it…. looks a little bit like me after a years worth of non stop Covid lockdown cooking and eating.

.

.

She’s a clever little b*tch.

.

Before the snow fell, our resident rodent pest from Hell. red squirrel was busy.

.

IMG_3850

.

Stealing seed from the birds and apples from the deer.

.

IMG_3855

.

Seeds were stuffed in every conceivable hole and our deck looked like a fruit salad exploded.

.

IMG_3856

.

But after the first snow storm?

.

IMG_3866

.

She was a happy camper.

.

IMG_3868

.

And remembered most of her stash spots.

.

IMG_3869

.

Im sure that fruit tasted good.

.

IMG_3872

.

She’s annoying.

.

IMG_3875

.

But clever.

.

Natural?

.

I’m all about trying new household products.

.

.

A natural grapefruit scented cleaner? With a pamplemousse translation?

Bring it!

.

.

Okay, no unicorns is a tad disappointing… but it smelled great and worked quite well.

Until the day I used it to wipe down our smooth surface stovetop and then turned on a burner.

Holy craparoni! The lovely fruity smell went from delightful wafts of citrus to noxious room clearing fumes in no time flat.

.

.

And upon further examination the oh so natural ingredients were anything but.

I read sodium gluconate is derived from plants, but it doesn’t sound like I’m going to be picking it off a tree in a pesticide free orchard anytime soon. Turns out it’s the sodium salt of gluconic acid.

Blech!

.