Tag Archives: fruit

I feel like my food is just phoning it in.

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After reading an article about a fine arts student in Montreal who made clothing out of food?

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I realized the contents of my refrigerator have to step up their game.

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Damn it cabbage, get up off your ass.

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And to think I’ve been wasting my broccoli in casseroles.

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A potato chip shirt? Sure it’s all innocent fun… until someone opens the dip.

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I don’t know about you, but an orange isn’t going to cut it for me. My girls would need cantaloupes.

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Random clutter

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Question: Does Lord Dudley Mountcatten need to travel around the block like a little astronaut?

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Answer: He most definitely does not.

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Jesus wept. Somewhere, someone thought this was a good idea.

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Albino broccoli? I can see that….

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I’m over the abundance of rude license plates you see on the roads these days. They’re not funny, just rude.

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You know you haven’t been drinking enough barn cocktails when you reach for some fruit… but find you could harvest penicillin instead.

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I think identifying these as “American” is overkill.

As if any other country would do this….

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I’m a sucker for fruit.

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I love fruit! I love it on my plate, I love it in my drinks and now I’m hoping to love it on my face.

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Enter some highly recommended moisturizer.

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Have you noticed this new trend in packaging? Cute little welcome notes whenever you open a box. Sorry folks, but I’m neither glowing nor part of your gang. (I’m currently picturing juvenile delinquent bananas with their peels undone standing on a street corner, smoking a cigarette and snarling at passers by.)

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Banana soufflé for your face, how bad could it be? They want you to add pineapple serum if you’re looking dull. Heck… if you add a little rum, my skin will perk right up. Guaranteed!

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I admit I was a tad disappointed with the minuscule size of this product. I mean come on, it’s made from bananas. It’s not like they’re rare.

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Vegan and cruelty free is great, but stating you’re free of sulfates and silicons on top of a list of chemicals I can barely pronounce doesn’t exactly scream natural.

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Time Traveler Part 3

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Let’s word.

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My birth year seems to have been full of scientific additions that mean absolutely nothing to me.

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But dragon fruit? I had a martini made from those once and it was lovely.

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Elevator music? Great, the next time Barry Manilow comes on at the mall everyone will blame me.

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Fetal position? I’m ashamed to say I have assumed that after a night of too many martinis…. and it was far from lovely.

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Hotdog? Now that I think about it my mother always called them frankfurters. Maybe she was a Rocky Horror Picture Show fan after all.

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And finally Japanese quail, which now that I think about it…. looks a little bit like me after a years worth of non stop Covid lockdown cooking and eating.

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She’s a clever little b*tch.

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Before the snow fell, our resident rodent pest from Hell. red squirrel was busy.

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Stealing seed from the birds and apples from the deer.

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Seeds were stuffed in every conceivable hole and our deck looked like a fruit salad exploded.

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But after the first snow storm?

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She was a happy camper.

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And remembered most of her stash spots.

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Im sure that fruit tasted good.

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She’s annoying.

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But clever.

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Natural?

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I’m all about trying new household products.

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A natural grapefruit scented cleaner? With a pamplemousse translation?

Bring it!

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Okay, no unicorns is a tad disappointing… but it smelled great and worked quite well.

Until the day I used it to wipe down our smooth surface stovetop and then turned on a burner.

Holy craparoni! The lovely fruity smell went from delightful wafts of citrus to noxious room clearing fumes in no time flat.

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And upon further examination the oh so natural ingredients were anything but.

I read sodium gluconate is derived from plants, but it doesn’t sound like I’m going to be picking it off a tree in a pesticide free orchard anytime soon. Turns out it’s the sodium salt of gluconic acid.

Blech!

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Blog number one thousand two hundred twenty whatever, where River chases turkeys.

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Wild turkeys. They’re comical and I love to watch them…

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But then they discovered my deer grain pans.

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I chased them, but half heartedly and with ridiculously cringe worthy baby talk.

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But they’re turkeys, so as soon as I walked in the house and looked out the window? This.

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So I chased them again. And that time they stayed gone for an hour… just long enough for me to put out the nightly deer snack.

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While I don’t mind them coming to eat the dropped bird seed and assorted Casa River insects, they’ve figured out the buffet of deer grain, fruit and fox food is laid out at 3:00pm and this might be a problem.

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She’s baaaack.

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I thought maybe we’d seen the last of her.

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But no, she was out back stealing chopped up deer apples yesterday.

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She was back on the patio table.

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And there’s only one reason for that. Do you know how sick and tired I am of finding small pieces of rotted apple every time I sit down?

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And then of course there’s the poo.

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She leaves it there on purpose, I know it.

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And may I just say, sipping from puddles of rain water filled with your own poo?

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Not the least bit appetizing.

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And please note… in that last picture? She is literally pooping. Am I a great photo journalist or what!

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My first one is a live pear.

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I don’t know about you, but I never have anything pop up in the ‘search terms’ box of my stats page…. until now.

I was excited! What was someone looking for when they arrived at my page… Chickens? Rocks? Rodent rebellions? It could be anything.

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New live pears?

What the…

What?

This required a Google search of my own.

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The Grisly Pear and… zombies.

No, that can’t be right.

Let’s try again.

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Okay, a giant lau lau is strange enough…

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But a waterproof bullet vibrator?

What the utter F!

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CSA and a few grocery store chuckles.

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This week’s bounty was a large one.

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Tomato, squash, radishes, zucchini, beets, parsley, celery, lettuce, Italian green beans, spinach and basil.

What it didn’t have was any of the bizarre little jewels the farm advertised at their stand.

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Mouse melons.

I want!

What I didn’t want was the truck I parked behind at the grocery store telling me to eat more kale.

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I’m not eating any kale, and you can’t make me.

Inside the store, this item looked interesting.

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I like beer.

I like butterscotch.

But then I noticed it was non alcoholic cream soda and screamed false advertising.

You shouldn’t tease customers like that. Especially during a pandemic.

You also shouldn’t display things like this:

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And not expect bloggers to take pictures and chortle over how utterly wrong they look.

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