Tag Archives: readers

Are you one of those people?

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You know the ones, they pick up every free paper or publication they see no matter the subject?

Proctologist Monthly?

Yes.

Belt Sander Enthusiast?

Sure.

The Do It Yourself Lobotomy Newsletter?

Why not.

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It probably won’t surprise my regular readers to learn my husband is one of those people.

Free is his favorite word.. which is why he came home with one called the Maine Agricultural News the other day.

My husband, the man who’s never planted anything (other than free trees he lets die) in his life.

Here are a few fascinating highlights:

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Color me proud. My state is one of the top 5 potato chip potato producers.

And lord knows I do my part to keep the Lays company in business.

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The Pomological Society? There’s a sought after membership if ever I saw one.

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For those who don’t know, Maine blueberries are highly prized and big business up this way.

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But thanks to President Trump’s Chinese trade war, among other things… the berry news is decidedly blue.

And finally, disaster.

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Say it isn’t so!

Maine craft brewers have cut back on the production of beer to make hand sanitizer?

Oh, the horror.

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Because my readers are a high class bunch.

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A new follower is always a lovely thing.

Unless it’s a bot, a business or one of those endless fake blogs I zap on a daily basis.

Last week?

A new follower of the utmost distinction joined my list. There he is, right at the top.

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Yes, The World’s Best Farter has joined our ranks. I’m not sure whether to be flattered or disturbed, but welcome Mr. Farter.

Pull up a chair.

Preferably over there, in the far corner.

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Now admit it…

You’re jealous he found me first.

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Risking life and limb for my blog.

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Never let it be said I don’t put myself in harm’s way for my loyal readers.

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Yes, I drove home from the store one handed the other day just so I could share a few shots of our beautiful fall foliage in Maine.

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We had a very hot dry summer…

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So the leaves aren’t as vibrant as they could be.

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But it’s still a pretty sweet show.

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Minus the spots and streaks on my dirty windshield that is.

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No small animals were killed while I swerved left for that burning bush…

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And swerved right for that perfect sugar maple.

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Good thing we don’t get much traffic on our road.

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Or police cruisers.

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Ah, autumn in New England.

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If you’ve never experienced it….

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What are you waiting for?

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Holy crap!

 

Yes.

I’m literally going to talk about crap…. and you’re going to wonder why you ever started following me in the first place.

 

 

Piles of crap have suddenly begun showing up on our front lawn.

 

 

Same spot, by the kitchen door, every morning, totaling 4 piles.

 

 

Sorry, I can’t.

Weird as it sounds, we’ve lived here for 18 years and have never had a dog leave a deposit. Ever!

It’s too big for woodchuck or fox. And it’s not skunk. They leave a trail of small black poo nuggets on the driveway.

We have started seeing raccoons late at night, and they do make the rounds.

 

 

But I’m thinking coyotes might be setting us up as a rural rest stop.

 

 

So if any of my readers are expert scat identifiers?

Now would be the time to weigh in.

*Poop Update –  since writing this the other day.

 

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The count is up to 5 piles, and since it rained…. closer examination of contents was possible.

(Still with me? You really are loyal readers!)

 

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Seeds.

I think we can safely rule out coyote now.

Lead, follow or….. well, you know the drill.

 

I think we’ve had this conversation before, but if you’re a business…. hawking vitamins, web design, crptyocurrency, pet meds and/or ways to increase my readership…. I will drop your follow-ship like a hot rock.

 

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I don’t need an inflated follower count and am perfectly happy with old fashioned bloggers who rather read and interact than sell me something.

So, yay me.

 

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I’ve been zapping people left and right lately, and I’m sorry…..

 

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But sex young girls love you can find here?

You didn’t make the cut.

 

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No, not really.

InTheNameOfSeitan gave me pause…..

 

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Until I learned Seitan just means wheat gluten.

Phew!

That could have gone bad quickly.

No funny business….

 

Just a heartfelt Merry Christmas to my loyal readers.

 

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Wishing you joy…

 

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And a Christmas Day filled with everything that makes your heart sing.

 

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May your tree stay vertical, may your outdoor lights stay lit…

 

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And may the birds not strip your wreath down to the wire.

(Speaking from experience)

 

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And now seems a perfect time to say thanks….

Thanks for being there when I log in.

Thanks for putting up with the 112 part series of my vacations and my endless photos of rocks.

Thanks for the laughter, and the snarky banter.

But most of all?

Thanks for not posting those sickeningly sweet pictures of Elf on a Shelf.

 

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I really hate that little bastard.

 

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(Okay, there was a small amount of funny business.

So sue me…)