Tag Archives: unicorn

Natural?

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I’m all about trying new household products.

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A natural grapefruit scented cleaner? With a pamplemousse translation?

Bring it!

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Okay, no unicorns is a tad disappointing… but it smelled great and worked quite well.

Until the day I used it to wipe down our smooth surface stovetop and then turned on a burner.

Holy craparoni! The lovely fruity smell went from delightful wafts of citrus to noxious room clearing fumes in no time flat.

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And upon further examination the oh so natural ingredients were anything but.

I read sodium gluconate is derived from plants, but it doesn’t sound like I’m going to be picking it off a tree in a pesticide free orchard anytime soon. Turns out it’s the sodium salt of gluconic acid.

Blech!

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Admit it, you want these.

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I mean, really. Who wouldn’t?

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A wiener beverage is a beautiful thing.

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Who knew pricks were so helpful?

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I’ve been seeing a lot of the next type of item recently.

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If someone could explain the current fascination with unicorn bodily functions to me, that would be swell.

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Mixed tapes?

Someone needs to set Marty McFly’s dial to the 21rst Century.

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First it was cat butts, now Corgi.

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The world really has gone mad.

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Grocery store chuckles.

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It never fails to amaze me how many ridiculous products I can find in the grocery store.

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Multi colored popcorn farts? No thank you. Wait… they’re covered in white chocolate?

On second thought. How bad can a rainbow unicorn toot be?

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This abominable bag of quinoa was on the check out aisle with all the other reasonable unhealthy snacks. Don’t they know how good that radioactive orange Cheetoh dust is? Geesh, no one in their right mind craves quinoa.

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Tolerant organic. What exactly does that mean? Is that little fellow going to bludgeon me with his noodle if I don’t compliment his Birkenstocks?

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I’m sorry, but when I walk down the baking aisle… filled with cakes and brownies and numerous other drool worthy desserts? Protein balls are not high on my list.

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Finally, I need two things explained.

1. What happened to the separation of church and grocery store?

And

2. If you’re going to quote scripture about baking bread, don’t use it to sell a box of cereal. That’s just false advertising.

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