Tag Archives: products

Products for a pandemic lockdown.

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The first one supposedly has merit in the fact that you won’t have to touch strange doors.

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Unfortunately, (or fortunately depending on your point of view) it also looks like a kinky sex toy.

Next is an electric wine aerator.

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Because Covid has us all at the end of our ropes and we don’t have enough patience left to let our reds breathe on their own.

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A wobble cushion to activate my core?

Just, no.

Isn’t that what husbands are for?

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Frozen shot glasses. Now we’re talking.

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I don’t bore easily and can’t see the need for one of these…. but our friends had one at their lakefront camp last year and said it was a riot.

Ya know, if frying insect life to a crisp is your thing.

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Products no one needs.

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Correct me if I’m wrong…

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But that has got to be the worst product ever invented. If you want to see me in a homicidal rage? Watch me chase a screaming alarm clock down the hall with a baseball bat at 4:00am.

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Do I need to wrap myself in a life size tortilla?

No. I really don’t.

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A foot hammock.

Because those pillowed neck rolls people wear on airplanes aren’t ridiculous enough.

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Why in the world would I pay for an implement that gives me the hairdo I spend all morning trying to get rid of?

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Read my lips…

I neither have an inner mermaid, nor do I need to find one.

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This.

Because the government doesn’t eat enough of our money as it is.

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Things I don’t need.

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I dislike Pepsi and find it sickeningly sweet.

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So Apple Pie Pepsi? That’s a hard pass.

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While this sounded like a cute idea?

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The aesthetics leave a lot to be desired. That looks less like a mouthful of chocolate chip cookie and more like a mouth filled with…. well, never mind.

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Sorry, but my cabinet doors aren’t playing loud music past 10:00 pm or yelling at their husband to pick up his dirty socks. No noise suppression is required.

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First they want me to exercise with rubber bands, now they want me to wrap them around my mattress? I’ll tell you right now…. neither one of those things will be happening anytime soon.

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No.

Just, no.

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Bathroom products you might need.

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Or might not. That’s entirely up to you.

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Don’t discount alternative toilet paper. When the next Covid wave of hoarding shoppers comes through you’re going to wish you had grandma’s old Sears catalog.

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Good grief! If you’re losing that much hair in the shower? Seek medical help not a drain blocker.

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Now isn’t that just special?

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In the current Covid climate? This is the equivalent of one upping your neighbor. To heck with building a wrap around porch and landscaping with exotic flora…. displaying 8 rolls of toilet paper means you’ve arrived.

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Egg products no one needs.

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Disclaimer: I am not an egg fan. I cook with them but have never found them the least bit appetizing…. so my take on these products might be slightly skewed.

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Mr. Sneezy?

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No thank you.

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While this one doesn’t gross me out per se…

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They’re something about dropping a group of penguins in boiling water I just can’t get behind.

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Do we need to mold eggs?

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We most certainly do not.

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Natural?

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I’m all about trying new household products.

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A natural grapefruit scented cleaner? With a pamplemousse translation?

Bring it!

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Okay, no unicorns is a tad disappointing… but it smelled great and worked quite well.

Until the day I used it to wipe down our smooth surface stovetop and then turned on a burner.

Holy craparoni! The lovely fruity smell went from delightful wafts of citrus to noxious room clearing fumes in no time flat.

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And upon further examination the oh so natural ingredients were anything but.

I read sodium gluconate is derived from plants, but it doesn’t sound like I’m going to be picking it off a tree in a pesticide free orchard anytime soon. Turns out it’s the sodium salt of gluconic acid.

Blech!

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Admit it, you want these.

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I mean, really. Who wouldn’t?

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A wiener beverage is a beautiful thing.

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Who knew pricks were so helpful?

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I’ve been seeing a lot of the next type of item recently.

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If someone could explain the current fascination with unicorn bodily functions to me, that would be swell.

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Mixed tapes?

Someone needs to set Marty McFly’s dial to the 21rst Century.

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First it was cat butts, now Corgi.

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The world really has gone mad.

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Products no one needs.

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My only question is why anyone makes these things in the first place.

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I prefer my clams in chowder with heavy cream thank you very much.

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Oh, hell no. I can only drink if the BeeGees are playing?

Trust me, if the BeeGees are playing…. I’ll need more not less.

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I’m sorry, but they don’t. Less really is more.

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While this is rather cute? It’s also a great way to take out an eye. Weaponized mallows are over the top, even for me.

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No. Aside from the fact the packaging seems to be marketed for 6 year old girls…

I refuse to wear a perfume named Juicy Bunny on sheer principle.

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