Tag Archives: products

Curly haired girls rejoice!

 

I’ve always had naturally curly hair. And while that didn’t allow me to blend in during the long straight 70’s, I came into my own during the bigger the better 80’s.

 

 

Women still pay large amounts of money for perms, but fresh from the shower and allowed to air dry?

My hair looks like this –

 

 

I normally embrace my curl… except on damp days when I tend to look like this:

 

 

But there are times when I’d like a change. A slightly more controlled look.

Before I found the wonder product I’m about to share with you …. with no remuneration from the company though damn it, they should… this meant schlepping to a hair salon and paying someone to spend an hour pulling and tugging my locks into submission with a hot blow dryer and a medieval torture device large round brush.

But now?

Now that I’ve found this miracle wand?

 

 

It’s smooth sailing when ever I want.

 

 

In no time flat my hair is …

 

 

Flat!

 

 

And now that you’ve seen more pictures of the back of my head than you ever thought possible?

 

 

Go get yourself one of these.

It’s quick, it’s easy… and if you can twirl spaghetti?

You can have straight… or in my case straighter… hair than you ever dreamed of at home.

I beg to differ Oprah.

 

Flipping through O magazine the other day  (I get it free, don’t judge)  I realized Oprah and I disagree about a few things.

Most importantly, her list of must have items.

She might find these necessary and affordable, but I don’t.

 

 

Seriously? Bragging about your house manager Eddie and his cocktail mixing prowess is bad form. Especially when we peons are occasionally forced to drink cocktails from can.

Let’s forget the revolting sounding ‘flavor capsule’….  why in the world would I pay $350 to have a machine mix my drink.

My local pub’s bartender does a fine job and he never expects that big a tip.

 

 

$70 for a bottle.

To put alcohol and fruit in.

Call me classy, but a mason jar works just as well for a lot less.

 

 

Good grief.

$195 so my selfies can be better lighted?

I’m 55 and menopausal. No one wants to see that any more clearly than they already have.

Oprah redeemed herself slightly with this last pick.

It’s been a while since I shopped at Talbots, but I could probably rock a pair of these.

 

 

Cheers!

Products worth a second look.

 

 

 

Does anyone need a banana phone?

No.

But buy one and save a gorilla just the same.

 

 

 

A must for Star Wars fanatics.

Yes James,  I’m talking to you.

 

 

 

Cake.

On a stick.

Need I say more?

 

 

I’m not sure my bar game could possibly be more up, but bottles of gin are definitely my favorite DIY.

 

 

While I take umbrage at the horrible people designation (I’ve always thought of myself as just slightly awful) this is one seriously  bawdy, provocative, risqué  fun party game.

Does it surprise you to know I have all 6 expansion packs?

 

 

It shouldn’t.

So if you like  raunchy, crude, earthy  blue humor?

Give it a try.

Stupid products.

 

They’re everywhere.

 

 

 

Call me crazy, but I doubt this chicka is beating the men off with a stick.

 

Do I need to feel like Judy Jetson when I dispose of that slightly blue, mold covered cucumber that got pushed to the back of the crisper drawer?

No.

I do not.

 

 

Again with the space age crap. If I don’t know what year it is when I wake up?

I need to stop drinking, not buy a new clock.

 

 

Oh, yeah. These are sexy.

Perhaps she can double date with that hot Trekkie at the top.

 

 

Zero gravity?

I’m pretty sure if I ever find myself there, writing a grocery list or a thank you note won’t be my top priority.

 

 

And while I don’t need a dehydration light to flash in my water bottle…. this product might have adult beverage applications.

“Drink! You’re starting to sober up!”

Okay.

I’d buy that.

No. Just… no.

 

I think we’ve established I won’t eat it.

 

 

I’m not eating the kale chips.

I’m not drinking the kale smoothies….

 

 

Hell no.

But this?

This is a bridge too far.

 

 

 

Now you want me to wash my hair with it?

 

 

Vegan?

Damn…. and here I was looking forward to lathering up with a nice chunk of fat back.

 

 

Nope.

This is a kale free household and it’s going to stay that way!

What’s in a name?

 

Clearly, everything.

As evidenced by this product a FB friend bought for her family.

 

 

Well, you have to admit…. it’s catchy.

And I suppose techies will enjoy having a set of controls to play with while on the throne.

 

 

But what tickled me the most (while performing the due diligence blog research my readers have come to expect but neither care about nor want) was the ad campaign.

Save money on toilet paper!

Very timely.

Because sometimes products are just…. wrong.

 

Have you ever seen something for sale and thought, WTH?

I do this quite often and feel it’s my duty to share.

The first strange item is called Q-flex.

 

 

 

And while I agree no one wants knots in their back, you have to admit this just looks…. wrong.

It seems to be 1/3 shepherd’s staff, 1/3 haying scythe, and 1/3 hook from your great grandfather’s old vaudeville act. Anyway you look at?

Wrong.

Next up? A tongue cleaner.

 

 

 

Holy crap! If your is turning brown and you can scrape that much disgusting residue from it’s surface?

Bad breath might not be the only malady you’re suffering.

A posture remedy is next in line.

 

 

Admit it, posture realignment wasn’t the first thing you thought of when you saw this was it?

So wrong.

This next item simply boggles my mind.

 

The magic of a corner piece? What kind of freak would buy this!

Everyone knows all the fudgy goodness is found in the middle.

Epically wrong.

And finally,  there’s a product that you’ve no doubt seen before.

 

 

This requires no explanation, and while I can’t personally attest to its wrongness…. I did find one of it’s reviews more than a little amusing.

 

 

Clearly this poor fellow had an issue.

Because when Taco Bell doesn’t end in the appropriate volcanic eruption? You know you need help.

 

 

 

Have Squatty, Will Travel.

Go west young man, and poop in peace.

Strange products are back.

 

img_3655

 

 

Unless it’s in a rent by the hour hot sheet motel? I don’t think anyone needs their bed to vibrate.

 

 

Just…. no.

If I’m not willing to eat kale? ( and I think we’ve established I’d rather have my toenails ripped off by a hungry wombat ) I doubt I’ll be spreading it on my face any time soon.

 

 

 

Well this is ridiculous.

Leftover chocolate. What’s that?

 

 

 

Proof positive there are a limitless number of kitchen gadgets waiting to collect dust in your cabinet.

Move over avocado hugger and ice cream ball. Spaetzle maker is in da house.

 

 

I have no idea if this works or not, but may I just say?

Eww.

 

 

 

 

When I first saw this I thought… nope, I’ll pass on the motivational self help crap.

Until I realized it could be filled with G&T’s or margaritas.

1:00pm took on a whole new meaning then.

 

New is not always improved.

 

You never know what the grocery store will be out of these days.

I haven’t seen flour for weeks, unless it’s made from something ghastly. At this point, dehydrated tofu/arugula flour wouldn’t surprise me.

Along with the lack of everyday items comes the strange substitutions.

Some, I can live with.

 

 

Peach and almond dish soap? Sure.

Legume pastas? Not so much.

 

 

Colorful? Yes.

Tasty? I doubt it.

 

 

Yes, these horrors are still on the shelf.

Though that shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone.

I couldn’t find my regular orange juice last trip and had to home with this.

 

 

And all I can say is the fruit might have ripened on the tree…. but the flavor leeched out on the way to the bottle. A less fruity fruit juice you’re not apt to find.

Then there was this, that the husband simply had to buy when the peanut butter shelf was empty.

 

 

Roasted watermelon seed butter.

WTF?

 

 

”  ‘In with the new’  kinda day” ?

This abomination looks like beige spackling paste and smells half as appetizing. Needless to say the other half had one sandwich and called it good.

Did I mention it was $17 a jar?

A new scent of soap made its way to the shelves and being a mango lover, I had high hopes.

 

 

Sadly there was a lot more butter than mango in this product and unless you have a sudden urge to smell like a hot bucket of movie theater popcorn? I’d steer clear.

And finally, there were Pete and Gerry’s eggs.

 

 

What happened to Ben….

Good God, is my Cherry Garcia in peril?

 

 

Gerry… go back to Ben.

Substitutions are not always acceptable.

 

With apologies to my male readers….

 

Have you heard of Goop?

Until recently the only one I knew about was this:

 

And honestly?

I wish to Hell it had stayed that way.

But no… a friend of mine had to start waxing poetic about the company Gwyneth Paltrow started. Not caring much about self help websites or Gwyneth Paltrow, I was politely zoning out…. until she mentioned something she thought I just had to buy.

 

 

Yes.

It’s for real. Though why in the world she thought I needed one I have no clue.

 

 

 

If can someone tell me why geranium, bergamot, cedar and rose smell like a vagina…. I’ll be forever in your debt.

And if that wasn’t ridiculous enough?

There’s this:

 

 

Now I like jade as much as the next girl, but…. no.

 

No, I don’t like jade that much.

I admit the instructions made me snort…

But I seriously doubt I’ll be searching for a sacred space to store one anytime soon.