Tag Archives: products

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Product Hell.

January 21, 2020 Rivergirl 47 Comments

Have you ever walked through a store and spotted products that make you do a double take?

I do it quite often and always stop to take pictures to rant/blog/post about later.

Here are a few of my latest finds:

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Pickle In A Pouch.

Unrefrigerated and languishing for God knows how long by the cash register?

That’s just wrong.

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But Big Papa anthropomorphized Pickle…

The Portly Pickle who’s arms are open wide and ready to wrap you in his pickley goodness??

So very, very wrong.

Then… there was this:

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A remote control Tom Brady helicopter.

Maybe Bill Belichick will use these to spy on opposing teams from now on, who knows.

But I have to admit…

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I think they got Tom’s shade of lipstick just right.

And finally, there was this wireless keyboard and mouse I ordered from Amazon for the husband.

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Which looked great until we opened it and found it didn’t include a dongle. I went back to the Amazon listing and it said “Just plug and play”, so where the hell was it?

Let’s check the instructions.

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“Keybord”?

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Yeah.

Shame my Japanese is a little rusty.

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P.S. The dongle?

Hidden in a compartment on the back of the mouse.

It’s always the last place you look.

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White Mountains trip…. last night, last day, last post in the series.

December 18, 2019 Rivergirl 39 Comments

A full day of resort hopping on day 7 made us hungry so we stopped at an inn near our resort that had a well recommended British pub/restaurant.

The Jolly Drayman seemed inviting enough.

And though it was a very small place with limited seating…

I was willing to like it.

It’s a shame I couldn’t.

What English pub worth it’s salt only has 1 British beer on tap? Where was the Harp? The Smithwicks? The Old Speckled Hen? Yes, there was Guinness thank God….

But Pabst Blue Ribbon? Come on!

It went downhill from there.

A limited menu.

A disinterested, unfriendly server.

Uncomfortable seats.

And the worst beef Wellington I’ve ever had.

The husband had a not nearly hot enough beef stew ( with mashed potatoes?) that must have weighed 12 pounds… served in a fish bowl.

Framed fart humor not withstanding….

I wouldn’t go back.

Day 8…. the departure.

One more breakfast under the canoe.

And beside the twig lights.

We checked out and said goodbye to the dangerous looking ski motif rocking chairs…

And laughed at the resort’s wedding advertisement for the last time.

Heck, that’s as good a reason as any… right?

Through one more covered bridge…

And because you know my husband can’t drive past an antique store.

Funny part is, I went outside to wait for him because the owner was a crotchety old man I didn’t like the look of.

A few minutes later the husband comes out and I can hear that old man screeching his lungs out like a lunatic, cursing my husband from here to next Sunday.

Apparently husband had the audacity to take an old magazine out of it’s plastic sleeve and flip through it. Guess that’s a no no in the mountains.

Anyway, vacation over.

Home safe and sound with…. how shall we say?

Some coffee and a few beauty products for my cabinets.

Hey, if they’re going to charge an extra $25 resort fee per day for that lousy condo?

I’m going to fill my suitcase on the way out.

The end.

(You may now officially breathe that sigh of relief you’ve been holding.)

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Because I’m always looking out for my male friends.

December 1, 2019 Rivergirl 37 Comments

So a certain blogger (who shall remain nameless unless he/she actually wants to take credit for this post) sent me a link to a product that I found the day after Thanksgiving.

Having just enjoyed copious amounts of turkey, I admit it made me think twice about ever eating one again. It seems we never really know what those birds are up to pre gluttonous feast.

Behold The Tryptotrouser Turkey Print Ball Hammock Boxer Briefs:

turkey boxers

Yup.

They exist.

And the product description is totally blog worthy.

Spend more time stuffing your face and less time stuffing your balls this Thanksgiving. Introducing the only ball hammock boxers that can hold just as much weight as your tryptophan-induced insides can fathom. Protect your baby gravy like you protect your prized family seat, with a ball hammock to gently rest your stones and an ultra soft micro model material that will have your girl wanting seconds. And thirds. And probably yams because yams are just so tasty.

“Baby gravy”?

I’ve heard a lot of interesting terms for the male anatomy over the years…. but that’s a new one. (And speaking as someone who loves gravy on her mashed taters? Stop using it…. right freaking now.)

But if you’re thinking yeah, thanks a lot River. Thanksgiving is over and now I’ve missed a perfect opportunity to give a wonderfully thoughtful gift along with the green bean casserole?

Fear not.

This post will pass along further information for what I think is probably the best Christmas stocking stuffer ever.

For your husband, your brother, your uncle, your cousin…. Hell, for every man in your life.

Give them to your mailman and the guy who changes your oil.

You can thank me later.

Snowballs

If you clicked the link, you’ll realize I wasn’t talking about those delightfully revolting pink Hostess treats that look like Tribbles.

It’s another thing entirely.

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No, I’m not kidding…

And some of the descriptions are funnier than the product itself.

“Summer is a decidedly, uh, swampy time for many men and the summer of 2019 has been especially hot and humid throughout most of the northern hemisphere. Dress loose and in light fabrics all you want, eventually the heat hits you in the crotch.

It’s a uniquely male problem and one underwear company has the solution to that and more. Snowballs basically wants to ice your ‘nads back into the comfort—and fertility—zone.

Being able to walk around with your ‘nads air-conditioned without risking indecent exposure is pretty appealing. And Snowballs claims their product can do more than just frost the funk away from your nether regions.”

Swampy?