Tag Archives: chocolate

That’s just wrong.

.

Food. It nourishes our bodies and delights our taste buds, but sometimes? It can go horribly wrong.

.

.

Oh no, Hell no! That nasty kale leaf will never sneak in and infect my brownies. Nope. Not on my watch.

.

.

I only have one word for this disturbing platter of homicidal fruit.

Run! Some of those berries look positively demented.

.

.

Easter. A day of religious celebration, fuzzy bunnies and most importantly – chocolate. And while I always thought I’d take my Easter chocolate any old way I could get it… I find eating eggs out of a rabbit’s ass to be the one line I can’t cross. ( And no, I’m not mentioning the wooden mallet you apparently use to open that ass. Nope. That’s a road I don’t care to travel )

.

.

A prune juice mocktail. I’ll just leave that thought for further consideration.

🤢

.

Things you’ll only find in Maine.

.

Maine is well known for its lobster and blueberries, but here are two other regional items with which you may be unfamiliar.

.

.

Yes, we put mashed potatoes in candy. And if you’ve never had one of these delicious treats? You won’t believe how tasty chocolate covered taters can be.

.

.

I admit I’ve never tried this.

And to be honest, I probably never will. If you’ve ever walked the clam flats of a Maine beach at low tide in the summer?

The smell is not what you would call tea worthy.

Trust me on this.

🤢

.

Oddities.

.

A friend sent me this picture of a beverage she saw in the grocery store the other day.

.

.

She said she saw it and thought of me.

Busty Lush.

I’m not sure if I should be offended… or flattered she knows me so well.

I thought about buying some, but when I saw the non alcoholic label, I figured… why bother?

.

.

It’s back?

I don’t remember goat poop ever disappearing.

.

.

I can think of numerous other ways to say Happy Holidays besides the gift of livestock dung, but maybe that’s just me.

And what’s with “Artisan” goat poop?

Is there some Jackson Pollack spattering going on or what?

.

He’s such a slacker.

.

Today is Mother’s Day and Lord Dudley Mountcatten marked the occasion by doing absolutely nothing. He didn’t hack me up a hairball, he didn’t push his food bowl my way… he didn’t even drop a dead mouse at my feet. What a slacker!

.

.

I mean really, would it have killed him to order me a box of cocktail chocolates?

.

.

No, it would not. The lazy sod sleeps on the keyboard for heaven’s sake… and don’t tell me he doesn’t have thumbs. Those paws are more dexterous than you think.

.

.

(Don’t laugh, kitty mothers count.) Come on Dudley… River needs a chocolate covered margarita.

.

.

See? This cat made breakfast…. I don’t think I’m being at all unreasonable.

.

A recommendation pour vous.

.

I don’t often recommend beer to friends because everyone tends to like something different. But once in a while I come across a special one that makes me so happy…. I have to share.

.

.

This strange Belgian concoction has a delicious whiff on chocolate upon introduction…. and then sweeps you skyward in a heady sour cherry cloud.

.

.

Pairs well with rich and dense desserts?

Then bring on the 12 pound chocolate fudge layer cake and River is one happy blogger.

.

.

Seriously, if you like sours? You’ve got to try this one.

.

.

Frank A. agrees.

.

Random things.

.

I don’t drink coffee, never have. But if any brand were ever to tempt me to start? This might be it.

.

.

As previously noted, we had an electrician in to put some electrical outlets under our bar. And because we’re either cursed or the unluckiest people on earth, things did not go well. I won’t bore you with details but after 3 hours of trying… ka-Ching! …. the only option was this.

.

.

Ugly ass exterior junction boxes… that because I let the husband supervise? Were mounted too high and now leave me unable to run the three foot long shelf I’d purchased for that spot.

Two foot long shelves it is. Grrr.

.

.

A recent trip to our local pub found the owner munching on these. And while I utterly despise all sugar free, fake ass, wannabe chocolate? These weren’t half bad. Of course I was a few Cosmos in by then, so they may have actually tasted like cardboard. For $15 a bag, I don’t think I’m willing to check.

.

.

Yes.

Yes they are, and bless their little souls for the good cheer they spread.

.

Products no one needs.

.

My only question is why anyone makes these things in the first place.

.

.

I prefer my clams in chowder with heavy cream thank you very much.

.

.

Oh, hell no. I can only drink if the BeeGees are playing?

Trust me, if the BeeGees are playing…. I’ll need more not less.

.

.

I’m sorry, but they don’t. Less really is more.

.

.

While this is rather cute? It’s also a great way to take out an eye. Weaponized mallows are over the top, even for me.

.

.

.

.

No. Aside from the fact the packaging seems to be marketed for 6 year old girls…

I refuse to wear a perfume named Juicy Bunny on sheer principle.

.

Grocery store chuckles.

.

It never fails to amaze me how many ridiculous products I can find in the grocery store.

.

.

Multi colored popcorn farts? No thank you. Wait… they’re covered in white chocolate?

On second thought. How bad can a rainbow unicorn toot be?

.

.

This abominable bag of quinoa was on the check out aisle with all the other reasonable unhealthy snacks. Don’t they know how good that radioactive orange Cheetoh dust is? Geesh, no one in their right mind craves quinoa.

.

.

Tolerant organic. What exactly does that mean? Is that little fellow going to bludgeon me with his noodle if I don’t compliment his Birkenstocks?

.

.

I’m sorry, but when I walk down the baking aisle… filled with cakes and brownies and numerous other drool worthy desserts? Protein balls are not high on my list.

.

.

Finally, I need two things explained.

1. What happened to the separation of church and grocery store?

And

2. If you’re going to quote scripture about baking bread, don’t use it to sell a box of cereal. That’s just false advertising.

.

.

Because they’re odd.

 

I love odd, in case you haven’t been paying attention.

And on my normal route to the grocery store?

I pass this:

 

IMG_3765

 

A bit personal as questions go, but delightfully odd.

And as my grocery store has been running low on sugar lately…

This:

 

IMG_3766

 

Golden?

I’m fervently hoping they’re not talking about showers…. but anything that’s less processed usually gets my vote.

And adding to the growing list of  FFS, the panic buyers are still at it  substitute products I have to buy now?

This:

 

IMG_3767

 

I must confess, I’m a trifle afraid of the Cousin Willie brand.

The more I stare, the more that ear of corn on the top right starts to look menacing… but I’ll be brave and soldier on.

At least it’s not as terrifying as this red pepper.

 

IMG_3694

 

I agree.

Chocolate is always the safer bet.

 

 

Strange products are back.

 

img_3655

 

 

Unless it’s in a rent by the hour hot sheet motel? I don’t think anyone needs their bed to vibrate.

 

 

Just…. no.

If I’m not willing to eat kale? ( and I think we’ve established I’d rather have my toenails ripped off by a hungry wombat ) I doubt I’ll be spreading it on my face any time soon.

 

 

 

Well this is ridiculous.

Leftover chocolate. What’s that?

 

 

 

Proof positive there are a limitless number of kitchen gadgets waiting to collect dust in your cabinet.

Move over avocado hugger and ice cream ball. Spaetzle maker is in da house.

 

 

I have no idea if this works or not, but may I just say?

Eww.

 

 

 

 

When I first saw this I thought… nope, I’ll pass on the motivational self help crap.

Until I realized it could be filled with G&T’s or margaritas.

1:00pm took on a whole new meaning then.