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I mean, really. Who wouldn’t?
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A wiener beverage is a beautiful thing.
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Who knew pricks were so helpful?
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I’ve been seeing a lot of the next type of item recently.
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If someone could explain the current fascination with unicorn bodily functions to me, that would be swell.
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Mixed tapes?
Someone needs to set Marty McFly’s dial to the 21rst Century.
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First it was cat butts, now Corgi.
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The world really has gone mad.
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So this is my life.
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I elevate, ice, read, and groan every time I have to move. Not how I envisioned spending my favorite time of year.
The foliage is peak, the temperatures are blissfully cool and I’m stranded on the couch like a beached Beluga.
There are very few good things to report when you’ve torn your meniscus and damaged your MCL, but one must take solace where one can.
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My husband feeling guilty for his mobility and finally installing the new blinds in the office? The ones that have been sitting next to his desk for the last 3 months?
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My husband breaking the special order extra wide curtain rod for my Waverly valance after I told him to be careful because they’re tricky to take down? Because he has no patience for anything the least bit domestic and never thinks I know what I’m talking about? Because he was cursing a blue streak as he tried to tape it back together?
Solace for a couch bound whale wife.
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Please excuse the 2 six packs, 5 bottles of wine and the jug of premixed cherry limeade margaritas in the corner.
My liquor cabinet is full… and Jeff Bezos can only do so much.
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This week’s bounty was a large one.
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Tomato, squash, radishes, zucchini, beets, parsley, celery, lettuce, Italian green beans, spinach and basil.
What it didn’t have was any of the bizarre little jewels the farm advertised at their stand.
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Mouse melons.
I want!
What I didn’t want was the truck I parked behind at the grocery store telling me to eat more kale.
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I’m not eating any kale, and you can’t make me.
Inside the store, this item looked interesting.
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I like beer.
I like butterscotch.
But then I noticed it was non alcoholic cream soda and screamed false advertising.
You shouldn’t tease customers like that. Especially during a pandemic.
You also shouldn’t display things like this:
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And not expect bloggers to take pictures and chortle over how utterly wrong they look.
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I just pulled these pictures off my camera.
I’d like to say they were taken last winter.
But actually… it was a few weeks ago.
Rain, that turned to sleet, that froze to ice.
Every single surface was coated.
And while I’ve never managed to do it’s beauty justice….
It doesn’t stop me from trying.
Oh, we weren’t talking about ice? Well, I am now.
We had ice this year.
Lots and lots of ice.
The shovel the snow off the driveway, watch your feet slide out from under you and land smack on your ass kind of ice.
Everything was covered in sheets of ice for weeks on end.
Of course this made for some pretty fabulous icicles.
On the garage, they started out small.
But then they grew.
Which made getting in and out of the garage rather perilous.
Did I mention this was the section of the garage I was nagging the husband to put a new gutter on all last summer and fall?
Maybe now he knows why.
Even with the milder winters we’re having, we still see our fair share of snow, ice, and sleet. But temperatures are warming and we’re not seeing those epic dumps of the white stuff like we used to.
This used to be a normal February.
Tunneling was a way of life.
Now? We get a few inches and it melts.
Then it freezes.
I am so done with ice.
Yes, it’s pretty.
But when walking to the mailbox means you might slip, fall and crack a rib?
You can have it.
Give me a foot of snow over pretty shining crystals any day.
And with all that snow, melting and ice?
This –
A leak in the roof.
And what looks like an expensive repair to the ceiling.
It’s the worst possible time of year for it.
So from now until spring, when we can get it fixed, I’m going to cringe every time it rains.
Good times.
So a certain blogger (who shall remain nameless unless he/she actually wants to take credit for this post) sent me a link to a product that I found the day after Thanksgiving.
Having just enjoyed copious amounts of turkey, I admit it made me think twice about ever eating one again. It seems we never really know what those birds are up to pre gluttonous feast.
This post will pass along further information for what I think is probably the best Christmas stocking stuffer ever.
For your husband, your brother, your uncle, your cousin…. Hell, for every man in your life.
Give them to your mailman and the guy who changes your oil.
You can thank me later.
If you clicked the link, you’ll realize I wasn’t talking about those delightfully revolting pink Hostess treats that look like Tribbles.
It’s another thing entirely.
No, I’m not kidding…
And some of the descriptions are funnier than the product itself.
“Summer is a decidedly, uh, swampy time for many men and the summer of 2019 has been especially hot and humid throughout most of the northern hemisphere. Dress loose and in light fabrics all you want, eventually the heat hits you in the crotch.
It’s a uniquely male problem and one underwear company has the solution to that and more. Snowballs basically wants to ice your ‘nads back into the comfort—and fertility—zone.
Being able to walk around with your ‘nads air-conditioned without risking indecent exposure is pretty appealing. And Snowballs claims their product can do more than just frost the funk away from your nether regions.”
Swampy?
Yeah, no one wants that.
“From setting sprays to chafing balm, ladies have a few tricks up their sleeves when it comes to handling the heatwave.
But now men have found something to help them out on scorching hot days — freezable pants.
Over on Amazon, a brand called Snowballs Underwear is selling “scientifically-backed cooling underwear”.
The underwear comes with ice packs — dubbed “SnowWedges” — that men are able to put in the freezer before popping into a pouch that sits over the groin.”
And before you decide the whole thing is just a joke, here’s a video to prove icing your balls, sack, nuts, jewels, sweetbreads, Christ…what term won’t get me kicked off WordPress? parts has actual medical benefits.
There.
Now don’t you feel better knowing these exist?
Just remember…
You saw it here first.
The automatic ice maker in our refrigerator is on the fritz.
Again.
Just in time for the annual 4th of July heat wave.
I am not happy.
The ice cube tray I now have to use?
Entirely too happy….
Sorry.
I had to….
