ice | River's world…..

Even with the milder winters we’re having, we still see our fair share of snow, ice, and sleet. But temperatures are warming and we’re not seeing those epic dumps of the white stuff like we used to.

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This used to be a normal February.

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Tunneling was a way of life.

Now? We get a few inches and it melts.

Then it freezes.

I am so done with ice.

Yes, it’s pretty.

But when walking to the mailbox means you might slip, fall and crack a rib?

You can have it.

Give me a foot of snow over pretty shining crystals any day.

And with all that snow, melting and ice?

This –

A leak in the roof.

And what looks like an expensive repair to the ceiling.

It’s the worst possible time of year for it.

So from now until spring, when we can get it fixed, I’m going to cringe every time it rains.

Good times.

So a certain blogger (who shall remain nameless unless he/she actually wants to take credit for this post) sent me a link to a product that I found the day after Thanksgiving.

Having just enjoyed copious amounts of turkey, I admit it made me think twice about ever eating one again. It seems we never really know what those birds are up to pre gluttonous feast.

Behold The Tryptotrouser Turkey Print Ball Hammock Boxer Briefs:

turkey boxers

Yup.

They exist.

And the product description is totally blog worthy.

Spend more time stuffing your face and less time stuffing your balls this Thanksgiving. Introducing the only ball hammock boxers that can hold just as much weight as your tryptophan-induced insides can fathom. Protect your baby gravy like you protect your prized family seat, with a ball hammock to gently rest your stones and an ultra soft micro model material that will have your girl wanting seconds. And thirds. And probably yams because yams are just so tasty.

“Baby gravy”?

I’ve heard a lot of interesting terms for the male anatomy over the years…. but that’s a new one. (And speaking as someone who loves gravy on her mashed taters? Stop using it…. right freaking now.)

But if you’re thinking yeah, thanks a lot River. Thanksgiving is over and now I’ve missed a perfect opportunity to give a wonderfully thoughtful gift along with the green bean casserole?

Fear not.

This post will pass along further information for what I think is probably the best Christmas stocking stuffer ever.

For your husband, your brother, your uncle, your cousin…. Hell, for every man in your life.

Give them to your mailman and the guy who changes your oil.

You can thank me later.

Snowballs

If you clicked the link, you’ll realize I wasn’t talking about those delightfully revolting pink Hostess treats that look like Tribbles.

It’s another thing entirely.

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No, I’m not kidding…

And some of the descriptions are funnier than the product itself.

“Summer is a decidedly, uh, swampy time for many men and the summer of 2019 has been especially hot and humid throughout most of the northern hemisphere. Dress loose and in light fabrics all you want, eventually the heat hits you in the crotch.

It’s a uniquely male problem and one underwear company has the solution to that and more. Snowballs basically wants to ice your ‘nads back into the comfort—and fertility—zone.

Being able to walk around with your ‘nads air-conditioned without risking indecent exposure is pretty appealing. And Snowballs claims their product can do more than just frost the funk away from your nether regions.”

Swampy?

Yeah, no one wants that.

There.

Now don’t you feel better knowing these exist?

Just remember…

You saw it here first.

River's world…..

Tag Archives: ice

And speaking of ice….

The one thing you definitely don’t want to see in the winter in Maine.

Because I’m always looking out for my male friends.

There IS such a thing as too happy.

Where there's only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.