We purchased a product for our front porch remodel called Versawrap. They’re PVC covers for wooden support poles that add a decorative element as well as eliminate the need for paint.
We discovered their easy to install claim was a misnomer when we wrapped our first pole… but when we moved along to the top and bottom moulding?
We realized it was an outright lie.
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Easy my *ss.
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There are teeny tiny dovetail inserts which hold the pieces together and trust me, they are not easy to seat.
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I’m not exaggerating when I tell you it took us over an hour to place the first crown moulding section.
Work moved on to the three remaining windows that needed replacing in our bedroom and as with every single other project we attempt in this house, it was a monumental f*ck up.
These are the old windows, stripped of trim and ready to be removed.
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Yes, that’s snow you see outside.
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Ideal conditions for exterior work.
Not.
The trouble began when the first small window was removed and its replacement was fitted.
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The problem? It didn’t fit.
Because it was too big.
Incorrect measurements by our contractor? He says no and has the paperwork to prove it.
Incorrect measurements by the retailer? They say no and have the paperwork to prove it.
Incorrect measurements by the manufacturer? They say they built what they were told and refuse to refund and replace.
Solution… (other than pulling my hair out, stripping naked, dousing myself in tequila and running down the road cursing the home renovation Gods?) … cut bigger holes in the wall.
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It wasn’t that much bigger. Maybe and inch and a quarter on each side but it meant (what has now become my mantra) more time, more work, more money. Not to mention a tighter fit when it comes to trim.
And after that first window rough opening was enlarged and the slightly larger window fitted and secured?
The long awaited and apparently hard to find doors finally arrived.
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On a rainy day of course, so they were placed in the garage…
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Which is already filled to capacity with the yet to be installed windows and has become increasingly hard to maneuver with my car.
Not wanting to hit anything, we moved them to the bedroom the next day because that room is torn apart already.
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It’s not ideal, but I can stand it for a week until the contractor gets back to work.
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And in case you’re thinking, yay… glad that went smoothly, it actually didn’t.
I unequivocally told the contractor I wanted white painted doors.
He says he unequivocally told the supplier I wanted white painted doors.
These are not white painted doors.
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They’re primed with an off white, pale creamy color called ‘mill finish’ and are clearly ready for stain or paint with special trim tape in place around the glass.
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The contractor doesn’t like painting doors but I don’t care, he’s going to do it because we’re already over two months behind schedule on this simple stupid project and I’m ready to move on.
I’m having a hard time believing it myself and I live here.
When last we spoke… I still had two new windows with large air gaps, we’d gotten into a pissing contest with the store manager, were waiting on the report from the second supposed expert and our contractor was going to fight management for a full refund.
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Fast forward a week and I’m out shopping with a girlfriend. I get a phone call from our contractor who says the store manager bumped the problem up to corporate… who slid it over to the manufacturer… who wanted to come out and inspect the windows that day, right that minute. Thankfully the husband was home teleworking so off they went.
I heard this second hand, but gather it went something like this –
The top Marvin window guy arrived with the store manager we bumped heads with in tow. Husband wasn’t pleased with that, but managed to be civil.
Our contractor was there and went through all the steps he’d taken to fix the problem. The window parts were examined, measured and proclaimed well within acceptable limits… because hey, nothing’s perfect. The Marvin window guy asked my husband what he wanted… fully functioning windows or a full refund? Since hubby has been spitting mad for over a month I thought for sure I’d come home to gaping holes in the bedroom. But we’d chosen this particular product for a reason… good insulation rating, ease of tilting for cleaning, wood interior, low U factor, etc and no other window we looked at checked all the boxes…. so he said if the windows were installed properly and operated as advertised he’d be happy.
Agreeing that the two sashes were slightly off square, Mr. Marvin said his company would replace them and we could keep the others as spares.
And then?
Then he did something that left my both my husband’s and the contractor’s mouths hanging open.
He removed the right window sash and replaced it with the left.
He removed the left window sash and replaced it with the right.
The result?
No more gaps.
No more air leaking through.
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Oh, he’s still going to order replacement sashes for us… but as of this minute? The windows seem to be fine and my mind is blown. The one on the right is a little stiff and harder to close, but it’s airtight and a little silicon spray on the sides should help it glide more easily.
What the hell!
Was that all it took? Why didn’t the other “experts” think of this! A simple switcheroo solved the problem we’ve been fighting since October 6th and I don’t know whether to scream or cry because it’s so ridiculous.
Needless to say our contractor was dumbfounded. He spent all that time trying to make things right and never thought of swapping sides.
So…
The contractor is the middle of another job for our neighbors which means we’ll have to wait a week or more till he’s free to come back over here and finish installing the rest of the windows and buttoning these up.
I’m shaking my head as I type this and still can’t believe a month and a half of frustration and inconvenience was completely unnecessary.
You know how they say war is Hell? While I’m sure that’s true, I’d like to add an addendum…
Custom made windows are the absolute bottom, flame filled, covered in kale and cilantro, merciless pit of no return, bad hair day Hell.
After waiting a month and half with two faulty windows already installed, and after having two separate store rep / window experts make home visits to tell us the windows were indeed faulty, we went to the store from which they were purchased to seek satisfaction yesterday.
(Please keep in mind both supposed experts suggested we get a refund.)
Our plan was to shop for a similar high grade window made by a different company. After explaining our problem, a nice salesgirl helped us start looking and things were going well until we were interrupted by the manager.
It went downhill from there. And it went downhill very quickly.
Ice covered mountain road with bald tires slathered in butter kind of quickly.
We introduced ourselves politely, stated our issue succinctly and got absolutely nowhere. After a long discussion about quality control at the manufacturing level (it’s non existent), and a longer discussion about expecting to get what you pay for (that was us) we were told –
1. No refund would be forthcoming because it was a special order.
And –
2. I’m quoting here, “Nothing is perfect.”
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To say we were stunned is an understatement.
To say my husband was ready to explode is right on the mark.
Oh, the manager said if the report filed by the second store rep expert came back showing faulty construction they would replace the off square sashes, but chuckle chuckle, hey…. they might be off square as well.
What the utter f*ck?
Are we supposed to pay over $5,500 and shrug our shoulders at defective merchandise? Apparently so.
My husband didn’t punch the manager. He didn’t even curse him out which I felt like doing repeatedly, but he did threaten to get a lawyer as we walked out.
Here’s the problem with that… technically we did not purchase the windows. Our contractor did… for us. So by the letter of the law the store doesn’t owe us anything. I’m having a hard time making my angry as all get out husband understand that, but that’s where we are.
We spoke with our contractor after this fiasco and he will be going to the store as soon as he can to fight for a refund on our behalf. To be honest I don’t see it happening.
I have told our contractor numerous times what type of doors we want. He relays this information to the store rep he orders through.
And while the rep was on track with the living room door for some reason the bedroom door is still a problem.
I gave our contractor the door catalog and circled these three styles.
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I texted him this photo from the website.
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I specifically described the shape and style of the top window door we want. I gave him everything he needed to order said door which he passed along to the sales rep… so you can imagine my surprise when he emailed me this.
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Does that look like the door we wanted?
No, it does not. So a few days later he emailed me this.
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Does that look like the door we wanted?
Again, it does not… so a few days later he emailed me this.
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Okay, we’re getting closer… but this half fan model is a bit old fashioned and not the door that we want.
Help me out here. Am I being unclear… or is this a man thing?
Do all pretty windows look the same to the male eye?
I swear this door will be the death of me. Or at the very least the death of my sanity.
I’m beginning to get used to having the husband work from home.
Yes, it’s a little annoying trying to tiptoe around the house and be quiet all day long…. but there are distinct advantages.
Advantage #1?
It’s harder for him to avoid the honey do list that’s been growing exponentially since we moved in 18 years ago.
No more long commutes from the office, no more grumpy, tired of fighting I-95 traffic on the way home husband.
When he clocks out? I can grab him.
This week it was for blind installation in the kitchen.
Which in the tight space over the sink wasn’t as easy as it sounds.
He got quite a workout.
Take that Jane Fonda.
As the hours wore on ( what… you thought it would be minutes? ) the brackets wouldn’t mount properly, and when they did, the blinds wouldn’t click into place.
Serious thought went into why they crashed to the ground every time you pulled them down.
Non OSHA approved climbing apparatus was used.
And curtain rod mounts had to be removed, reinstalled, removed, repositioned, removed again and yes, cursed. Repeatedly.
Want to frustrate your husband? Forget withholding sex…. make him hang curtains.
But finally it was done.
They moved up and down and stayed there.
If you’ve never tried this kind of blind, I highly recommend them. They’re attractive and block the hot sun while allowing filtered light to shine through.
Step 1. Hire an appliance repairman to diagnose why your ice maker died and the fridge isn’t cooling properly.
Step 2. Pay said repairman $95 to walk through the door.
Step 3. Cry a little when repairman tells you your expensive AF six year old refrigerator will be requiring burial rites in the very near future.
6 years old!
Too young to die… or so I thought.
According to the repairman, 6-8 years is now the average lifespan of new appliances.
This makes me regret getting rid of the 1970’s almond Montgomery Ward fridge that came with our house when we moved in.
Ugly? Yes.
Fancy features? No.
But the damn thing still worked….. and now I miss it.
6 years.
For the love of God… she’s still shiny!
She still looks new!
But apparently she’s rotten at the core.
Step 4. Grab a girlfriend for consolation and proceed to the appliance stores to search for a suitable replacement.
Have you been to the appliance stores lately?
Even the clearance prices will make you faint.
Mind you, that particular one had been returned, refurbished and was riddled with dents.
There’s lots to choose from, if you want to pay.
And pay. And pay…
There are fancy French Door models.
Models with ridiculous features…
And for the prices they’re charging?
I hope that one cooks, serves and cleans up the kitchen after marinating my meat.
Herb storage?
One model even had a built in one of these –
Yes.
An infuser pitcher, fitted right into the door. I paid $3.99 for mine… what do you want to bet this baby adds an extra $200 to the purchase price?
Step 5. Go from store to store, avoiding salesmen and their high pressure “Oh, that sale ends today, better buy now!” B.S….. never quite finding that perfect fridge that will fit in your crazy kitchen. ( We had to remove half a wall to fit my current one in. )
Step 6. Have long booze filled lunch with girlfriend and curse refrigerator manufacturers.
Step 7. Return home to melting ice and lukewarm milk.
Step 8. Repeat steps 4 through 7 until replacement is found.
Where there's only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.
River's world..... 