Tag Archives: decorating

The resort, the Manor, a little bad food…. and geese.

 

There aren’t too many timeshare resorts that have a Manor House…

 

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But ours did.

 

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And for guests….

 

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The doors were wide open.

 

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So before even finding our condo, we explored.

 

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She was a charming old girl.

 

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And fully decked out for Christmas.

 

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Yes, there was even some funky chicken portraiture.

 

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Ya gotta love that.

 

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Traditional Williamsburg colors took center stage.

 

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And board games were set up on various tables.

 

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It really was quite lovely.

 

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And I certainly wouldn’t mind having a meal or two here.

 

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But we were burning daylight…

 

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So, needing liquid refreshment….

 

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We left the Manor House and were pleased to find a restaurant/bar on the property.

 

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Not all resorts have this, so it was a plus.

 

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The friendly bartender introduced the husband to a local beer, and we ordered some appetizers to test the menu.

 

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French Onion Soup for the other half…. which was absolutely horrendous. Croutons instead of French Bread, over salted broth and a glob of gelatinous cheese.

Blech.

 

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My margarita was made with cheap mix and even cheaper tequila…. and the cheesy crab dip? Tasteless, as well as crabless.  I couldn’t find a single piece.

Needless to say we passed on ordering dinner there. (Sorry Martin, that’s all the food pics you’ll get today.)

But ya know what?

The resort was beautiful.

They had a Manor House…..

 

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And geese.

 

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I forgave them their bad food.

 

 

 

Are you ready for a vacation smackdown?

 

You had 2 days off in between trips… and I threw in some Bambi pics as well. Are we good?

Good!

I admit I might have gone a little overboard with the Williamsburg, Virginia vacation photos this time…. like 3,089 pics overboard.

So sue me.

It was a fabulous trip, a marvelous Christmas and a wonderful place to explore. What can I say? When I’m old and feeble I’ll enjoy looking back on them all. (If I can remember why there are so many pictures of rocks…. and who that strange man is of course.)

Time to fasten your seat belts and loosen your pants!

The trip starts now.

 

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Okay… but fair warning, that may not be until June.

Not wanting to put the miles and wear and tear on my car, we rented one. Well, I rented one. A mid size SUV like I always do… but when we arrived at the lot, they didn’t have any and had to upgrade us to luxury.

Cool beans!

We could pick the Audi or the Infiniti.

So what did my husband pick?

 

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The Chevy Suburban.

 

 

Which happens to be the biggest, thirstiest, most annoying  lumbering behemoth vehicle ever made. A nightmare to park. A horror show for short people like me to board. A useless third row seat we didn’t need and couldn’t figure out how to fold down. Gas stations? We dreaded the mere sight of them after a few days. So why did my spouse choose it?

Because it was big.

And he’s a man.

Enough said.

Our trip from Maine started out like this:

 

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With buckets of the same for the first few states.

 

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When we were nearing Hartford, Connecticut it let up, but we hit road construction….

 

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And this rather precarious way of shoring up of the highway made me cringe.

 

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I guess I should be glad they didn’t use duct tape, but still.

 

 

Next up was my least favorite part of the trip….

 

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New York City.

Don’t get me wrong, I was born and raised in New Jersey… I can hang. But riding shotgun with my  (leadfooted, 2 centimeters from the car in front of us, switch lanes like it’s the Indy 500)  husband…. in the Black Brontosaurus?

Would test Ironman’s nerves.

 

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Though I can honestly say it’s the only time in my life I’m thankful for bumper to bumper traffic.

 

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Reduce speed?

 

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I don’t think that’s possible.

I’d post some great pics of our trip over the famous George Washington bridge, but the husband always takes the upper truck level…. so basically this was my view:

 

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But here’s one peek through the fog.

 

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After the bridge? It’s New Jersey…

 

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And the swamps they built the Meadowlands on.

 

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If you’ve ever wondered where Tony Soprano and his boys dumped the bodies?

It would be here.

 

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Oil refineries aside, you have to admit that the foul, smoggy New Jersey air does make for a dramatic sky.

Onward through the evening we drove, with the husband choosing our route. If you know me…. you know I’m type A and like to plan. Letting him pick a spot for us to spend the night was torture, but I sucked it up and endured.

I endured him picking a random town in Delaware because he liked the name, Red Lion.

Did Red Lion, Delaware have any hotels you ask?

No.

It did not.

And trust me, we drove around for almost an hour trying to find one even though I Googled it and came up empty. We did however find this:

 

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A Christmas extravaganza house that was blocking traffic.

 

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I can barely keep 2 reindeer lit… WTH?

After admitting defeat, the husband drove another 40 minutes to Dover, Delaware and pulled into the first Holiday Inn he saw.

 

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I had my doubts when I saw the lounge was decorated in early bordello. Yes… satin furniture and rhinestone encrusted mirrors.

Thankfully our room was toned down from that…

 

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But it did have some interesting features.

 

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Mainly, the lighting.

 

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Is it me?

 

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Or did this over the bathroom sink fixture look like deer hooves?

 

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Come on…

There’s no reasonable Martha Stewart explanation for that.

 

 

And while this corner lamp reminded me of my mother and her pull down hair dryer of the 1960’s…..

 

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It was these over the bed reading lamps that were a little too proctology/gynecology themed for my taste.

 

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And don’t get me started on the art work.

 

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Really, don’t.

What the…. what?

So ends day one.

(And before you start screaming Martin…. road trips with my husband consist of a McDonalds lunch eaten in the car doing 90 mph and a perfectly horrible turkey dinner at a Bob Evans next to the hotel late that night. Neither were photo worthy!)

 

Merry Christmas Eve interruption…

 

As you’ve probably guessed…  (Or if you hadn’t? You should have.)  we’re currently off on another adventure.

And have been for the last 11 days.

 

 

Yes, our annual Christmas vacation.

No holiday stress. No decorating. No cooking. No family drama. We leave it all behind, and have since December 2015.

Why?

Because I used to be Christmas crazy.

 

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I spent a fortune, I decorated everything that stood still…. (yes, I’m ashamed to say there was even a tree on my toilet.)

 

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I drove myself nuts finding the absolutely perfect gifts for people who didn’t appreciate it and cooked the absolutely perfect meal for family who couldn’t care less and always complained.

Maybe my mother dying was the catalyst. But in 2015 we took a trip to the Poconos…. had a blast, and never looked back.

Do I miss the beautiful live fir tree in the living room?

 

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Yes.

I also miss all the crazy outside lights.

 

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The well house…

 

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The stone wall…

 

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The funky alligator….

 

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And reindeer who were annually buried up to their butts in white stuff.

 

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The lights in the windows…

 

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And on the bushes.

 

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The sparkling balls on the table…

 

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That caught the sun and turned our living room into a Christmas disco.

 

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The running reindeer on the garage.

 

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The ribboned garlands….

Yes, I miss it all.

But do I miss the 2 solid weeks of work it took to get everything set up (in the snow , ice and wind) and the solid week of work it took to take it all down (in sub zero temperatures with ice and wind) ?

No. I most definitely do not.

But rest assured I’m not totally Grinchy this year, I did put up a tree.

 

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This trip?  Williamsburg, Virginia until Dec. 30th. Meeting old friends and getting our geek on in a marvelous area filled with American history.

Colonial settlements? Check.

Revolutionary War? Check.

Civil War? Check.

I just hope 2 weeks is enough time.

And I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess there might be a few pictures to post when we get back.

 

 

Oh, don’t be so dramatic.

I should be done by …. June.

 

 

 

White Mountains trip…. Day 1. The resort.

 

As you know, we use our timeshare when we travel. Some of the resorts we choose have been fabulous… some less so.

The Grand Summit Resort at Sunday River?

 

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From the outside? Not bad.

Good location, up a long driveway, past a babbling brook… nestled in the mountains.

 

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Technically it’s a ski resort, so yes…. there are ski slopes.

 

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Inside?

 

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Rustic decor, heavily ski-centric.

 

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With questionable carpet choices.

 

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Which did not improve when we made our way upstairs to our condo.

 

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Yeah.

This literally made my head swim every time I had to walk on it.

 

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See? It even made the camera dizzy.

The only good thing I can say about it is they are in the process of ripping it up. Though sadly, not soon enough for us.

While I usually book the larger 2 bedroom unit for extra space, an extra bathroom and a larger kitchen…. this was a last minute deal and I had to take a 1 bedroom. Never having been here before, I have to say I was not impressed.

 

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It was really small.

 

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And as basic as I’ve ever seen.

The “full”  kitchen? Not so full.

 

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It also went a little heavy on the moose theme.

While it was clean and the bed was comfortable…. the smoke alarm went off everytime we made toast, which must have endeared us to our neighbors since we’re up with the sun most days.  The shower head was so low the 5’8” husband hit his head every time he attempted to wash his hair, and the kitchen cabinet doors stuck to the frames like glue. If you managed to pull them open? The shelves wobbled.

 

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Thankfully we only slept and showered there because the noise from the heating unit would probably have caused me to drink a Drano cocktail had we stayed any longer.

Of course they did provide some stellar reading material on the coffee table….

 

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And a nice big tree in front of our balcony…

 

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With a stunning view of the 6 slot parking lot.  The slots everyone jockeys for because otherwise you’re hoofing it down the hill to the auxiliary lot.

 

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Yes… 6 spots up front. For a resort that has hundreds of condo units as well as a hotel and restaurant. Smart planning, that.

Oh well.

The restaurant was fun.

 

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Appropriately named Camp, it was modern rustic.

 

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And we enjoyed it.

Who doesn’t want to be lit by an upside down canoe?

 

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Tasty seasonal cocktails…

 

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And a light dinner later….

 

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We called an end to our first day.

 

 

 

 

 

Too good not to share… the finale.

 

Crazy real estate agent’s photos part 3, and let’s start it off with a bang.

Or a boom as the case may be..

 

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There’s so much wrong with this I don’t even know where to start. Aside from the obvious WTF factor…. this guy looks like he’s getting ready to goose you. Why are his hands open wide? Why do you have to reach into his chest to flush? And considering what he must see everyday… why  the hell is he smiling?

 

 

Wow.

 

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Someone clearly had too much time… and acrylic paint… on their hands.

 

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Just your normal bathroom/dining room combo…

 

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And bathroom/kitchen combo….

 

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And bathroom/bedroom combo.

 

 

Porches.

 

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Not just for outside anymore.

 

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When you live in the city… but your wife really wants a cow.

 

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Because sun shade awnings are stylish anywhere.

 

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Proof positive there is such a thing as too much togetherness.

Truly.

 

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I’m not sure what’s more disturbing about this bizarre bathtub… the fact that it’s covered in carpet?

That it has 4 decorative poles?

Or that it appears to have an electric heater installed on the side?

 

 

 

I don’t know.

I really don’t.

Too good not to share… Part 2.

 

Before we found our current house, I went on what I lovingly refer to as the “Homes From Hell Tour” with my real estate agent. It was a seller’s market back in 2002 and they were selling some crazy sh*t.

We found a bedroom floor with a large hole in the center. It was a crater, you could see 2 stories down…. we found a trampoline in a living room with bumper pads on the walls and ceiling…. and we found a room entrance completely covered with blue tarps and duct tape. Apparently you only got to see what was in there if you purchased the place.

So yes, these crazy realtor photos make me laugh.

 

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Curtains.

You’re doing it wrong.

 

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When you’re bound and determined to make use of every last inch of space.

 

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Good luck finding a bath mat to fit there.

 

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I’m speechless.

And that doesn’t happen very often…

 

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Good to know.

 

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If you really, really, really want to live by the ocean… but can’t afford it.

 

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And finally..

When you can’t afford wallpaper, but grandma has some spare rugs in her attic.

 

 

Too good not to share…

 

I was cruising FB the other day and saw a post from a realtor friend of mine.

It was a collection of mondo bizarro things agents find in homes they’re hired to sell and it was too damned funny not to share.

So Part 1 starts now.

 

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For those days when it’s too damned hot to actually go outside and jump in the pool.

 

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My husband once put a desk together backwards, so this really cracks me up.

 

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Aside from the glaringly obvious yellow vomit color scheme?

There are way too many eyes in this bathroom for me to be comfortable doing my business.

 

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Curtains.

They’re not just for windows anymore…

 

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When you want carpet in the bedroom, and your other half doesn’t.

 

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I haven’t decided if this is a living room in a bathroom… or a bathroom in a living room. But either way?