If it stood still.. I used to decorate it for Christmas. I’ve strung lights on roofs, railings, windows, stone walls, mailbox posts and well houses. I’ve had lighted reindeer, snowflakes, trees, snowmen, holly leaves and yes, an alligator.
Trust me when I say stringing lights and keeping them lit is a full time job in Maine winters. It’s not for the faint hearted and over the years I’ve simply lost the will. These days I throw some wreaths on the windows and doors, some candles in the windows and call it good.
But every once in a while I’ll see something that makes me want to decorate again…
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Christmas chickens!
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You have to admit… that’s different.
And while I don’t have a farm, I do have a large barn where those birds would look right at home.
A friend gave me a reindeer for my birthday a few years ago.
Sadly it wasn’t a real one, just a Christmas decoration in a box.
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Ironically, the timing of this gift coincided with my I’m tired of fighting with f*cking lights that don’t stay lit, snowflakes that flip up on the roof and trees that spend more time lying on the ground than standing up change of heart about festive displays… but for some unfathomable reason, I decided to break it out of its box and put it to use this year.
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Easy to assemble? My ever widening ass. The legs wobbled, the antlers kept falling off and the stabilizing bars didn’t stabilize anything.
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Did I mention how pleased my husband was to secure said reindeer in the first snowfall of the season? It just started when I was taking pictures, but trust me.. it was cold, wet and windy.
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The stakes that come in the box? Useless. The wind blew the deer over as soon as we finished.
Solution?
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Drill screws into a flat stump and zip tie the reindeers legs to them for anchorage.
The decorating gods laughed and said, nice try suckers… and blew it over again.
Enter the sledgehammer.
I thought that might be for my head….
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But thankfully it was just to pound two thick iron stakes in the ground. ( side note – those suckers aren’t coming up until spring )
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A roll of safety wire and 20 frozen fingers later…
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There is a lighted reindeer on our front lawn.
Whether he will still be standing there tomorrow is anyone’s guess.
Since the husband and I usually travel for Christmas, I haven’t done decorations for years. Wreaths in the windows, a few snowflake lights on the barn and a Charlie Brown tree on the table was as much enthusiasm as I could muster this season.
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And when you’ve been married as long as we have (37 years in a few weeks) presents aren’t a big deal either. We’re lucky enough to buy what we want, when we want (and he still doesn’t know my taste in jewelry) so we took a pass on that as well.
There is however one gift that keeps on giving.
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Yes, after a prolonged absence in which I continually prayed for her earthly demise…
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She was back on Christmas Eve. Looking for a way into the house.
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And taunting me…
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The little bitch.
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So if she comes down the chimney wearing a Santa hat today? I won’t be held responsible.
The aesthetics leave a lot to be desired. That looks less like a mouthful of chocolate chip cookie and more like a mouth filled with…. well, never mind.
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Sorry, but my cabinet doors aren’t playing loud music past 10:00 pm or yelling at their husband to pick up his dirty socks. No noise suppression is required.
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First they want me to exercise with rubber bands, now they want me to wrap them around my mattress? I’ll tell you right now…. neither one of those things will be happening anytime soon.
Since I multi purposed our giant crock as a trash can, I decided I wanted something equally fun and antiquey for returnables.
You would think shopping in my husband’s vast array of crap stuff would yield the appropriate receptacle, but sadly nothing was found. Which is when my spouse gleefully suggested we visit the antique mall.
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I was on a mission and didn’t dilly dally. The same can not be said for my spouse.
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I moved him quickly away from this horror…
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Because right now the only thing the barnMahal doesn’t have is a kitchen sink… and I wasn’t taking any chances.
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Fresh lobster made us laugh. There’s nothing worse than cheeky crustaceans.
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I had my eye on that wagon to the right. But at $520 it seemed a bit pricey for empty beer bottles.
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Even the chicken thought so.
And then I found it…
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Buried in the back and full of oars.
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$50 later…. the old barrel with original lid… made a perfect returnable container.
River's world..... 