Tag Archives: humor

Because you can never have too many flowers….

May 23, 2021 Rivergirl 18 Comments

The weather is warming, the grass is greening and the danger of frost has passed… we hope. (I live in Maine, it can snow on Memorial Day) So now it’s time for blooms!

There’s nothing I love more than going greenhouse shopping. Being surrounded by bright flowering plants probably drops my blood pressure by 20 points. It also drops my bank balance considerably, but we won’t talk about that.

I came home with this interesting shrub.

A weigela florida. Fingers crossed it does well in the spot I picked.

Two boxes of pretties for my front garden bed…

Which turns out wasn’t nearly enough. Damn, I’ll have to go shopping again.

A hanging geranium for the back deck… and for Lord Dudley to stare at. That’s him in the window directly behind it.. plotting revenge on me for keeping him in the house.

And finally, a bouquet for the kitchen.

Flowers. They always make me smile.

Well, almost always.

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A small collection of nonsense.

May 22, 2021 Rivergirl 25 Comments

I saw this at Goodwill last week… and it made me wonder how many women in the 60’s stuck their face in a cone for the sake of beauty.

The ridiculous cat products are still popping up on my Facebook feed.

Saw this license plate and thought…. why would anyone want to be BoBo?

For anyone who doesn’t remember….

BoBo was a blow up punching bag…. and part of a groundbreaking study about learned aggressive behavior.

And if ridiculous cat products aren’t ridiculous enough? This abomination popped up on my Facebook feed the other day.

And I seriously don’t want to know what algorithm triggered that!

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In retrospect, not a good idea.

May 22, 2021 Rivergirl 26 Comments

We have a raccoon who visits nightly. And while he’s a cute, pudgy old fellow… he’s extremely destructive when it comes to our birds feeders. Every morning we wake up to one or two on the ground, often in pieces. A month ago I started taking them down at dusk and putting them in the garage overnight. When I went to bed early last week and forgot? The husband got lazy and left them on the kitchen porch.

Not a good idea.

Not at all good.

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The great escape.

May 21, 2021 Rivergirl 41 Comments

Lord Dudley Mountcatten snuck out the not quite closed back door yesterday. It was his first taste of freedom since we adopted him back in January…. and he was positively drunk with joy.

Instead of grabbing him and flinging his furry little butt inside, I let him enjoy the nice weather. At first he was calm, and jumped up on the table to lie in the sun. I petted and praised him and began to rethink my outdoor ban.

Before I knew it he’d jumped off the deck and started wandering in and out of shrubs. I kept a close eye on where he was going, thinking he’d be satisfied to slowly explore his surroundings. But then?

Bam! He took off running… across the lawn, past the garage and out towards the road. I called his name, he ignored me. I tried to catch him, he ran faster. When I finally herded him back to the deck, the little devil crawled under it… way out of reach. No amount of coaxing (or cursing) would bring him out. I spent half an hour waiting for his highness to tire of the stand off but no, he wasn’t moving. So I got a broom.

That managed to get him out from under… only to have him sprint directly to the woodshed.

Where he climbed, jumped and writhed like a madman, knocking over bricks, plant pots and basically everything he touched. There’s only one entrance, so after 10 minutes of wild scrambling trying to get away from me?

He gave up and perched on some wood…. which is when I grabbed his Royal highness, threw him over my shoulder and marched him into the house. The house he will probably never be allowed to leave again. Sorry Dudley, but you blew it.

Naturally his Lordship was quite put out with me. I got the stink eye, the cold shoulder and then the non stop howling and pestering for a repeated chance at the great outdoors.

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I love my town.

May 21, 2021 Rivergirl 16 Comments

Not much exciting was happening in our little burg this week.

It was a very mild winter and unfortunately we’re all apt to have lots of Johns. Wait…. that didn’t sound right.

John gets around.

Bad puns. They’re everywhere.

A brazen coyote? This is where my mind went….

That’s got to be a hard way to go.

With a name like Tofu, the odds are good she wasn’t eaten. Even hawks have to draw the line somewhere.

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It’s that time of year.

May 20, 2021 Rivergirl 30 Comments

The time of year Mainers go absolutely bat shit crazy over a tiny unfurled fern frond.

The season is short and anxiously awaited. Foraging sites are secret and passed down from one generation to another.

Cleaning methods are also hotly debated.

Personally? I can’t stand the slimy little things… I don’t care how you cook them, they taste like swamp. But that’s okay, it just means there are more for you.

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The bitch is back.

May 19, 2021 Rivergirl 28 Comments

And damned if she doesn’t look like she just gave birth.

We’ve sealed up every hole we could find, but that won’t stop her.

She’ll just chew through another wall.

How can something so small can be so destructive?

Lord Dudley Mountcatten spotted her from the window and was very interested.

Which might be just the incentive I need to allow him to go outside.

😈

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An exhibit no one needs to see.

May 19, 2021 Rivergirl 19 Comments

I saw this article the other day and it was like a train wreck. You know you shouldn’t look… but you can’t help yourself.

Yes, a fatberg.

A half a mile long fatberg to be exact.

I’m sorry, but who in their right mind flushes fat down the toilet!

See? Fatberg…. it’s a word. And I’m totally using it the next time we play Scrabble.

The London museum has a fatberg exhibit?

Of course they do.

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Weird perfume review #3.

May 18, 2021 Rivergirl 8 Comments

I was looking forward to trying this particular scent as it’s one of the company’s best sellers.

And as usual, the reviews/comments made me chuckle.

But when I sprayed a little on my arm… I almost choked. The first undertones to hit my nose? A bizarre combination of moldy books, burnt plastic and powdered sugar. Imagine a bakery in an abandoned industrial warehouse. Donuts infused with hot welding shards and burnt rubber. Yes, it was that bad.

It definitely smelled metallic, like a vanilla drive shaft.

Mix in some dried grass (vetyver) and a touch of gum resin (opoponax) and the result was downright disgusting. I can honestly say I’ve never washed a perfume off my body before… but I couldn’t stand more than 10 minutes of this one before I attacked my arm with a soapy loofah.

If I didn’t know better I’d say this scent was meant as a gag gift. With the emphasis on gag. 🤢

Self respecting fat electricians around the globe should be insulted.

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Goodwill horrors.

May 18, 2021 Rivergirl 25 Comments

Thrift store shopping is always an adventure. And while it’s true you have to sort through a lot of trash, sometimes you find a treasure. My girlfriend and I used to make monthly pilgrimages to various shops and believe me when I say we have found some seriously odd things. So when I came across this article about the strange things Goodwill employees find, I knew I had to share.