Tag Archives: amazon

Why it’s important to thoroughly read descriptions.

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I’m an avid reader, some might say voracious. I never feel complete until I’m knee deep in a good book and if I don’t have a stack of at least 10 ready to go? I get twitchy.

Needless to say I live on Amazon and worship their Prime 2 day delivery. (If you mention the word Kindle? You’re dead to me. Reading is, and always will be, a tactile pleasure. Period.)

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About a week ago I did the unthinkable and ran through my unread pile in record time leaving me with *gasp!* only one book unread.

So just as I logged on to cruise the new releases, the husband started hollering at me to go help him with something in the barn. Rushing, I made a few quick picks because bookless is something I can not be. Without fully reading descriptions or reviews, I picked this one about a food critic because it had 4 out of 5 stars.

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Well… technically it is about a food critic. But after sampling an exquisite torta ai fichi e limone, she has raunchy, not to mention quite descriptive, sex with her lover… kills him… and then harvests his tongue to cook and savor later.

Yes. She’s a sexually insatiable Hannibal Lecter.

*Note to self- always read descriptions and reviews*

Randomness.

 

We’ve been busy with other things outside, but I’m still managing to keep Amazon afloat during the pandemic.

 

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And if you’re dying to read the new Hunger Games book? Don’t bother, it was rather disappointing. And while I’d given up on Stephen King… this new collection of short stories has my late BIL in it again, thinly disguised but still recognizable to those who knew him. He and Stephen went to school together.

And no, I won’t tell you which character. I’m evil that way.

 

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The fabulous rose I planted last year has finally decided to bloom.

 

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And it was worth waiting for.

On another note, isn’t it great when your friends get you?

 

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My girlfriend gave me this the other day and damn, it’s perfect!

 

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As is this beauty.

 

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Have you ever tried to photograph butterflies?

It’s not easy. This was the one lucky shot out of 20.

 

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Our raccoon decided to take a bath, dig through my garden bed and then attempted to climb up the garage the other night.

Why? I have no idea.

 

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But even I can’t argue with that.

 

 

A little pandemic humor.

 

(Because we all need to laugh or we’ll kill the spouses we’re locked in the house with.)

This person found an interesting, albeit slightly creepy…. way to re-purpose Amazon boxes.

 

 

Imagine putting a leash on that and taking it out for a walk?

Here…. our niece’s son used his spare time to jump on a trampoline with his chicken.

 

                                 The chicken was unavailable for comment.

 

I admit I didn’t know about the latest ribbon trend…

 

 

But I sure do wish I lived in this fellow’s neighborhood.

 

Margarita home delivery?

Long live the quarantine!

Product Hell.

 

Have you ever walked through a store and spotted products that make you do a double take?

I do it quite often and always stop to take pictures to rant/blog/post about later.

Here are a few of my latest finds:

 

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Pickle In A Pouch.

Unrefrigerated and languishing for God knows how long by the cash register?

That’s just wrong.

 

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But Big Papa anthropomorphized Pickle…

The Portly Pickle who’s arms are open wide and ready to wrap you in his pickley goodness??

So very, very wrong.

 

 

Then… there was this:

 

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A remote control Tom Brady helicopter.

Maybe Bill Belichick will use these to spy on opposing teams from now on,  who knows.

But I have to admit…

 

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I think they got Tom’s shade of lipstick just right.

 

 

And finally, there was this wireless keyboard and mouse I ordered from Amazon for the husband.

 

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Which looked great until we opened it and found it didn’t include a dongle. I went back to the Amazon listing and it said “Just plug and play”, so where the hell was it?

Let’s check the instructions.

 

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“Keybord”?

 

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Yeah.

Shame my Japanese is a little rusty.

 

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P.S.   The dongle?

Hidden in a compartment on the back of the mouse.

It’s always the last place you look.

 

 

 

Do you need one of these?

 

Stupid products. They’re everywhere…

Even here.

 

 

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I heard you. You think gas filters aren’t stupid?

Well, this one is for your butt.

 

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The bad part of a fart?

Pray tell, what exactly is the good part…

 

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For those of you who were looking for the perfect stocking stuffer for Xmas this year?

 

 

Next… no tie shoelaces.

 

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Because yes, apparently we really are that lazy.

 

 

 

On first glance this looked promising….

 

 

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Until I remembered the best thing about making S’mores on a campfire is that you don’t have to clean up anything.

Can you imagine the mess that contraption would make in your oven? Melted chocolate and gooey marshmallow crystallizing and baking onto the racks?

 

 

 

Finally, I admit this last stupid product has infinite potential.

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Now call me crazy, but a gentle reminder to change the toilet paper is not the first thing that came to mind when I thought of recording a message.

No…

I want more bang for my buck and was thinking more along the lines of the Tidy Bowl Man yelling  “Incoming!”….. or an upper class British accent begging you not to make a second trip to the buffet at Taco Loco.

 

 

As I said, infinite possibilities.

 

Things I don’t like today… Part 4.

 

I don’t like….

Ordering flowers over the phone for a friend who just had surgery down in North Carolina. I wanted a large, impressive arrangement and was very specific with my request. I said….

No carnation fillers.

All pink and purple.

An interesting vase… definitely no clear glass.

So what did they deliver for $160?

 

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A clear glass vase, filled with carnations… and a few yellow roses and orange gerber daisies stuck in for no other reason than to piss me off.

$160 worth of everything I didn’t want!

 

 

I don’t like….

Ordering a pair of hard to find little batteries from Amazon that fit in an envelope.

 

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And having it come in a box.

 

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Talk about overkill.

 

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I don’t like…

Reading Maine native Stephen King’s latest,

 

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And realizing he’s lost his touch.

This new book? Meh…

Don’t bother.

 

I don’t like…

Buying a tin of Altoids to keep in my car,

 

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Getting them home and realizing…

 

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They’re slightly past their prime.

2009?

Damn. That’s worse than what I have in the back of my kitchen cabinet.

 

I don’t like….

My husband getting called into work on a weekend because,

 

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Some idiot doesn’t know how to steer his hot air balloon.

Oops!

Orange in da house!

 

Okay, technically…. outside the house.

 

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But I spotted a few of these beauties the other day…

 

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And realized it was time to get the Baltimore Oriole feeder out.

20 minutes later…. after tearing the utility  (read – I don’t know where else to put all this crap)  closet apart, I remembered a raccoon had broken last year’s feeder trying to drink the nectar and I never replaced it.

 

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May in Maine means Orioles.

It also means there’s not a feeder to be had within 500 miles. We northerners are starved for color after a long white winter and take our bird feeding seriously.

Jeff Bezos to the rescue.

 

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Good thing I don’t use Alexa.

 

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2 days later Amazon Prime came through with an interesting new triple threat feeder.

 

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A flat dish for nectar.

 

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Spikes for holding orange halves.

 

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And 4 reservoirs for grape jelly.

I’d never done the jelly before, but Holy Hell!  They love it.

Welch’s….

 

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Giving birds diabetes since 1923.

 

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