Tag Archives: amazon

A little pandemic humor.

 

(Because we all need to laugh or we’ll kill the spouses we’re locked in the house with.)

This person found an interesting, albeit slightly creepy…. way to re-purpose Amazon boxes.

 

 

Imagine putting a leash on that and taking it out for a walk?

Here…. our niece’s son used his spare time to jump on a trampoline with his chicken.

 

                                 The chicken was unavailable for comment.

 

I admit I didn’t know about the latest ribbon trend…

 

 

But I sure do wish I lived in this fellow’s neighborhood.

 

Margarita home delivery?

Long live the quarantine!

Product Hell.

 

Have you ever walked through a store and spotted products that make you do a double take?

I do it quite often and always stop to take pictures to rant/blog/post about later.

Here are a few of my latest finds:

 

IMG_E9851

 

Pickle In A Pouch.

Unrefrigerated and languishing for God knows how long by the cash register?

That’s just wrong.

 

IMG_E9854

 

But Big Papa anthropomorphized Pickle…

The Portly Pickle who’s arms are open wide and ready to wrap you in his pickley goodness??

So very, very wrong.

 

 

Then… there was this:

 

IMG_E9847

 

A remote control Tom Brady helicopter.

Maybe Bill Belichick will use these to spy on opposing teams from now on,  who knows.

But I have to admit…

 

IMG_E9817

 

I think they got Tom’s shade of lipstick just right.

 

 

And finally, there was this wireless keyboard and mouse I ordered from Amazon for the husband.

 

IMG_E9819

 

Which looked great until we opened it and found it didn’t include a dongle. I went back to the Amazon listing and it said “Just plug and play”, so where the hell was it?

Let’s check the instructions.

 

IMG_E9821

 

“Keybord”?

 

IMG_E9820

 

Yeah.

Shame my Japanese is a little rusty.

 

a2d33dfdc0a323ef11ba8754db0c143cc7924f97_hq

 

P.S.   The dongle?

Hidden in a compartment on the back of the mouse.

It’s always the last place you look.

 

 

 

Do you need one of these?

 

Stupid products. They’re everywhere…

Even here.

 

 

IMG_5706

 

I heard you. You think gas filters aren’t stupid?

Well, this one is for your butt.

 

IMG_5705

 

The bad part of a fart?

Pray tell, what exactly is the good part…

 

IMG_5707

 

For those of you who were looking for the perfect stocking stuffer for Xmas this year?

 

 

Next… no tie shoelaces.

 

IMG_5713

 

Because yes, apparently we really are that lazy.

 

 

 

On first glance this looked promising….

 

 

IMG_5712

 

Until I remembered the best thing about making S’mores on a campfire is that you don’t have to clean up anything.

Can you imagine the mess that contraption would make in your oven? Melted chocolate and gooey marshmallow crystallizing and baking onto the racks?

 

 

 

Finally, I admit this last stupid product has infinite potential.

IMG_5709

 

IMG_5710

IMG_5711

 

Now call me crazy, but a gentle reminder to change the toilet paper is not the first thing that came to mind when I thought of recording a message.

No…

I want more bang for my buck and was thinking more along the lines of the Tidy Bowl Man yelling  “Incoming!”….. or an upper class British accent begging you not to make a second trip to the buffet at Taco Loco.

 

 

As I said, infinite possibilities.

 

Things I don’t like today… Part 4.

 

I don’t like….

Ordering flowers over the phone for a friend who just had surgery down in North Carolina. I wanted a large, impressive arrangement and was very specific with my request. I said….

No carnation fillers.

All pink and purple.

An interesting vase… definitely no clear glass.

So what did they deliver for $160?

 

IMG_6109

 

A clear glass vase, filled with carnations… and a few yellow roses and orange gerber daisies stuck in for no other reason than to piss me off.

$160 worth of everything I didn’t want!

 

 

I don’t like….

Ordering a pair of hard to find little batteries from Amazon that fit in an envelope.

 

IMG_6080

 

And having it come in a box.

 

IMG_6079

 

Talk about overkill.

 

IMG_6078

 

I don’t like…

Reading Maine native Stephen King’s latest,

 

IMG_6133

 

And realizing he’s lost his touch.

This new book? Meh…

Don’t bother.

 

I don’t like…

Buying a tin of Altoids to keep in my car,

 

IMG_6137

 

Getting them home and realizing…

 

IMG_6138

 

They’re slightly past their prime.

2009?

Damn. That’s worse than what I have in the back of my kitchen cabinet.

 

I don’t like….

My husband getting called into work on a weekend because,

 

IMG_E6096

 

Some idiot doesn’t know how to steer his hot air balloon.

Oops!

Orange in da house!

 

Okay, technically…. outside the house.

 

IMG_0284

 

But I spotted a few of these beauties the other day…

 

Img_2541

 

And realized it was time to get the Baltimore Oriole feeder out.

20 minutes later…. after tearing the utility  (read – I don’t know where else to put all this crap)  closet apart, I remembered a raccoon had broken last year’s feeder trying to drink the nectar and I never replaced it.

 

yes-thats-rightfill

 

May in Maine means Orioles.

It also means there’s not a feeder to be had within 500 miles. We northerners are starved for color after a long white winter and take our bird feeding seriously.

Jeff Bezos to the rescue.

 

bezos

 

Good thing I don’t use Alexa.

 

IMG_0276

 

2 days later Amazon Prime came through with an interesting new triple threat feeder.

 

IMG_0280

 

A flat dish for nectar.

 

IMG_0291

 

Spikes for holding orange halves.

 

IMG_0282

 

And 4 reservoirs for grape jelly.

I’d never done the jelly before, but Holy Hell!  They love it.

Welch’s….

 

SAMSUNG

 

Giving birds diabetes since 1923.

 

Fat-bird-Meme

Turns out you really can get anything from Amazon….

 

But sometimes, my question is this…

Why would you want to?

 

IMG_4232

 

Personally, I’ve never felt the need to shed my skin like a snake…

But okay, whatever floats your boat.

 

And while I enjoy a good bug museum as much as the next girl…

 

IMG_4228

 

I’ve never felt the need to actually snack on them.

Eww.

 

This one?

 

IMG_4225

 

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it just looks…

Wrong.

 

IMG_4226

 

Likewise for Fred and friends dunking their nether regions in my cup of hot tea.

Just…

No.

 

IMG_4227

 

I could probably get behind the bread alignment pad…

 

IMG_4231

 

And sure.

Wine condoms, if anyone actually ever has leftover wine.

(Is that even possible?)

 

But this last one –

Is not only an affront to common decency…

But the ruination of every backyard bbq and clambake in my foreseeable future.

 

 

IMG_E4210

 

Damn you Amazon…

I may never eat corn again.