Tag Archives: amazon

You scratch my back, I scratch the furniture.

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Lord Dudley Mountcatten is an exemplary feline with very few destructive habits. When he first agreed to cohabitate with us and let the husband and I be his slaves… he did however choose one chair to sharpen the royal claws. Not wanting to have shredded upholstery, his minions shopped for an alternative.

But when… after 4 replacement items were tried and rejected … an acceptable substitute scratching post was purchased? He transferred activity there and has been happily loyal to his sisal ever since.

As you can see, His Lordship gives it a workout. Which is why he has to have one with a weighted base so it doesn’t tip over and scare him back to the chair.

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His servant has repeatedly glued, tied, cut and attempted to fix the damaged areas but came to the conclusion a new post must be purchased.

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Problem is, the favorite can no longer be found.

Oh! The horror!

After repeated shopping trips to every pet store in the area, Amazon was checked. And May I say… the selection was impressive. Had His Lordship wanted a palm tree …

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An orange…

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Or even a cactus it would have been no problem.

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Though I can’t say that cat looked too thrilled.

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A cherry? Sure…

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A giraffe that could swallow Lord Dudley whole?

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It could be his for a mere $265.

Hell, there was even a carrot.

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But what there wasn’t …. was the only plain, square, weighted base scratching post he wants.

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The search continues.

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Not no. But Hell no…

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Have you seen the advertisement for Amazon’s latest toy?

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I don’t know about you, but if my home has gone unmonitored until now, I say leave well enough alone.

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Do I need a robot following me from room to room?

Of course not. That’s what cats are for.

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Is it me.. or does the blink make this robot look like a demented duck with an open beak ?

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A periscope? That might come in handy if my husband is trying to sneak another piece of crap into the house… but still, no.

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Nope.

Lord Dudley Mountcatten would not enjoy that at all.

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Because sometimes you do get what you paid for… and then some.

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Years ago I had a wonderful little purse size green bottle of perfume with a funky top. It was a lightly herbal, somewhat floral refreshing scent. Naturally I couldn’t remember the name of it, but I knew it wasn’t expensive so I went shopping on Amazon just on the off chance I’d see it.

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Green, funky top, inexpensive…needing a new small bottle for my purse, I thought that could be it and ordered one.

I was wrong.

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So very wrong. The stupid thing towers above every other bottle I own and is most definitely not purse sized.

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Here it is next to a bottle of Chanel for scale. I’m sure it’s my fault for not noting the size when I bought it, but damn. Now I’m stuck with what seems like a gallon.

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It’s my blog’s fault.

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After chatting with a blog friend about Amazon recommendations, I decided take a peak at what Jeff Bezos thinks I should buy. And after seeing his choices…. I realized they’re not based on my buying history with the company, but drawn from my crazy and sometimes off color blog topics.

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I can guarantee you I’ve never purchased any squirrel paraphernalia. Unicorn related or otherwise.

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And clearly no good can come from posting about poop.

Does Amazon really want me to buy a turd?

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A massage gun with extra batteries? I don’t even want to know where they got that idea..

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I do post about birds now and then… but damn.

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Things Amazon thinks I need.

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Every once in a while my Facebook feed drops a list of products Amazon thinks I need to purchase. Let’s examine them shall we….

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While I’m a Star Wars fan from way back and can totally see the appeal of droid pressed beverages, I don’t drink coffee… so strike one.

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Blobfish plush toy? It’s ugly, that’s true… but I don’t feel the need to own one, so strike two.

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A window cleaning robot? Now we’re talking!

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A window cleaning robot that has to be plugged in?

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A window cleaning robot that will lose suction and fall off my dirty window? Strike three.

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I’m guessing they intended this highly ruffled fashion faux pas to be worn while the robot cleans my windows, but since that was a bust… I’m calling strike four.

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Amazon always brings it.

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I saw something interesting advertised on Facebook the other day.

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It’s some kind of fruit filled bubble that bursts when dropped in cocktails and I thought hey… that might be fun for the man cave bar. Until I saw they were $25 per plus tax… and $24.95 shipping. Undeterred, I sought them on Amazon.

While I was a bit disappointed they didn’t have the same brand, I was tickled by the imposter bubbles’ name.

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I might have to order them.

I mean really, who could resist?

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Try it. I dare you…

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If you’ve ever been owned by a cat… and trust me, that’s the correct word placement… you’ll know they are self cleaning and do not require nor tolerate being bathed. Which is why I have to share the utterly ridiculous thing I saw on Amazon yesterday.

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I fear for the tender flesh of the unsuspecting rubes who purchase this kit. Because if you’ve ever wondered how many layers of clothing a feline can tear through? Wrapping your cat in that abomination and spraying him with water will deliver the answer in two seconds flat.

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An adventure? Sure. You can call it that….. as you try in vain to staunch the bleeding.

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Said no cat ever.

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Obediently? Proof positive these people have never met… no less lived with a cat.

The only thing this product listing had right was a question…

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No. But it should…

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That really is unfortunate.

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Remember the misfortune fortune cookies I was going to buy for the man cave bar?

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I posted about them a while back but never went through with the purchase. Which, after tracking them down on Amazon and reading the reviews, turns out was very fortunate indeed.

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Wow. Good thing I wasn’t handing these out to friends. Going home with a doggy bag is one thing, but weirdly green poo? No one wants that.

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Although it seems not everyone shares my adverse opinion of oddly hued feces.

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Yikes. When they said it turns your tongue black, they weren’t kidding.

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Let’s play.

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Admit it, you’ve got nothing else to do.

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As a voracious reader, this is an easy one for me…

Books!

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In our house there are numerous stacks (and bags and crates and shelves and closets and boxes, well you get the idea) filled with books and I have never… not once in my life, ever thought I had enough.

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So how about you?

What can’t you stop buying…

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