Tag Archives: amazon

Things I don’t like today… Part 4.

 

I don’t like….

Ordering flowers over the phone for a friend who just had surgery down in North Carolina. I wanted a large, impressive arrangement and was very specific with my request. I said….

No carnation fillers.

All pink and purple.

An interesting vase… definitely no clear glass.

So what did they deliver for $160?

 

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A clear glass vase, filled with carnations… and a few yellow roses and orange gerber daisies stuck in for no other reason than to piss me off.

$160 worth of everything I didn’t want!

 

 

I don’t like….

Ordering a pair of hard to find little batteries from Amazon that fit in an envelope.

 

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And having it come in a box.

 

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Talk about overkill.

 

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I don’t like…

Reading Maine native Stephen King’s latest,

 

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And realizing he’s lost his touch.

This new book? Meh…

Don’t bother.

 

I don’t like…

Buying a tin of Altoids to keep in my car,

 

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Getting them home and realizing…

 

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They’re slightly past their prime.

2009?

Damn. That’s worse than what I have in the back of my kitchen cabinet.

 

I don’t like….

My husband getting called into work on a weekend because,

 

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Some idiot doesn’t know how to steer his hot air balloon.

Oops!

Orange in da house!

 

Okay, technically…. outside the house.

 

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But I spotted a few of these beauties the other day…

 

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And realized it was time to get the Baltimore Oriole feeder out.

20 minutes later…. after tearing the utility  (read – I don’t know where else to put all this crap)  closet apart, I remembered a raccoon had broken last year’s feeder trying to drink the nectar and I never replaced it.

 

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May in Maine means Orioles.

It also means there’s not a feeder to be had within 500 miles. We northerners are starved for color after a long white winter and take our bird feeding seriously.

Jeff Bezos to the rescue.

 

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Good thing I don’t use Alexa.

 

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2 days later Amazon Prime came through with an interesting new triple threat feeder.

 

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A flat dish for nectar.

 

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Spikes for holding orange halves.

 

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And 4 reservoirs for grape jelly.

I’d never done the jelly before, but Holy Hell!  They love it.

Welch’s….

 

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Giving birds diabetes since 1923.

 

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Turns out you really can get anything from Amazon….

 

But sometimes, my question is this…

Why would you want to?

 

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Personally, I’ve never felt the need to shed my skin like a snake…

But okay, whatever floats your boat.

 

And while I enjoy a good bug museum as much as the next girl…

 

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I’ve never felt the need to actually snack on them.

Eww.

 

This one?

 

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I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it just looks…

Wrong.

 

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Likewise for Fred and friends dunking their nether regions in my cup of hot tea.

Just…

No.

 

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I could probably get behind the bread alignment pad…

 

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And sure.

Wine condoms, if anyone actually ever has leftover wine.

(Is that even possible?)

 

But this last one –

Is not only an affront to common decency…

But the ruination of every backyard bbq and clambake in my foreseeable future.

 

 

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Damn you Amazon…

I may never eat corn again.

 

 

 

 

Because I’m that kind of wife.

 

My husband recently had a birthday.

 

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Yes.

I’m that kind of wife as well, but I digress.

Along with some very nice, serious gifts…

I ordered him something from Amazon.

 

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The box it came in was rather disappointing.

But nothing could dampen the sheer joy I felt at giving him….

A rock.

 

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Yes, Cindy.

I did.

I bought him a rock…

 

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A rock!

Or rather, a solid metal rock replica.

 

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Because after our recent vacation in Arizona, and all the amazing rocks we saw out there… ( did I tell you about that? I seem to remember some subtle mentioning of rocks) …. I had to present my beloved with his very own rock (replica).

And may I just say?

Bravo Amazon.

 

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I don’t know what kind of algorithm you’re running, but as I was searching the mystery/thriller book section?

You recommended a rock.

Talk about knowing your audience.

 

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And so am I.

I never knew Jeff Bezos had time to read my blog.