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Lately Facebook’s algorithms have given me non stop ball wash and butt deodorant. I have no idea why …. as I don’t have balls or need to perfume my ass.
But this?
This is definitely a bridge too far.
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Tofu!
For the love of all that’s holy…. no.
I don’t eat it.
I won’t eat it.
And you can’t make me eat it.
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A more disgusting thing to put in my mouth I have never met.
And that’s saying something.
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Because I’m still laughing. (Mostly at myself, but hey… you’ve got to work with what you’ve got.)
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Actual selfie of author
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Now that’s what I call following the CDC guidelines.
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Wow. Now I’m really glad we got another cat.
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Agreed. I listen to my husband’s all the time and trust me, they would be greatly improved with a keg or two.
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I vaguely remember wandering aimlessly through brick and mortar stores sometime in the distant past….
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Technically this last one isn’t pandemic humor… but we’ve all spent so much time on social media lately it seemed appropriate.
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Husband was flipping through a magazine the other day and came across this…
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I think we all know our fair share of those.
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While I adore my phone, I have a strict no tech in bed policy. That way there be monsters….
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Karen. What a bitch.
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I admit to not being familiar with that term.
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But yes, it seems every day is Blursday lately.
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Needless to say I am very familiar with that term.
🍸
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You upload one little photo of your new family member to Facebook.
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Just one, to show everyone how sweet he is…. and that damn algorithm kicks into high gear.
Now, along with the constant ball wash and toilet incense ads?
I’m getting these:
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Cat butt pillow cases?
No.
I love our new little furry friend…. but have absolutely no desire to slip off into dreamland with my face on his ass crack.
One feline does not a crazy cat lady make.
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The beautiful stray cat we fell in love with and gave a home?
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Has been returned to his rightful owners.
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I think you can guess that wasn’t my choice…. but when you receive a call from the local police department, there really isn’t any way to avoid it.
Apparently his people had been frantically searching for him but aren’t active on social media and didn’t see my original posts about finding him. A friend of theirs alerted a lost animal site…
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And there really was no doubt.
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After the police gave me their phone number, I found this on my FB messenger.
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Damn.
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They live right up the road from us.
The guilt was strong, because I really wanted to keep him.
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But look, he has a twin brother.
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Double damn. There were worried children.
I had to call.
So I called.
They came, they thanked us profusely, they took their beautiful kitty, and yes…. I cried.
Now the house seems emptier than ever.
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Because we all need a little chortle now and then.
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I hear ya sister.
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This is a brilliant idea.
I shall be cc’ing the CDC immediately.
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That’s pretty much been our last 10 months. You?
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Rode hard and put away wet.
Yup.
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This is almost too true to be funny.
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Wish that happened when I tried it.
Though I do firmly believe in sanitizing from the inside out when it comes to tequila….
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Facebook ads. They’re never ending and annoying and I pay them very little mind.
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Yes, I like Hint water… but don’t need to see daily videos.
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And yes, those are some sweet shades I could easily see myself rocking next summer, but they don’t need to join the other 15 pairs I never wear in my junk drawer.
While I realize these ads are targeted to me specifically based on algorithms of my search history, every once in a while they surprise me.
As this one did the other day:
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Not being in possession of a pair, I assure you I have never actively searched for ball wash.
Trust me on this.
Of course since it popped up, I had to click. For research/ blog fodder purposes only you understand.
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Don’t be whack, GIVE A SACK.
There’s an ad slogan designed to burrow deep into your frontal cortex.
And while I admit I chortled over this, I’m not chortling now. Because you know what happens when you click on a Facebook ball wash product ad?
This:
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And this:
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I am now being inundated with less than helpful product placement.
Man meat.
What have I done!
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Because my knee still hurts and I’m bored.
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Mine are as follows:
🍸 🙄 😉 🍷 😳 😈
It shouldn’t surprise anyone that martini holds the top spot, with eye roll right behind.
That’s where I live.
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A blogging milestone was reached by yours truly recently.
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Although I’m not sure recognition was necessary.
Now if they had a banner that said, Congratulations on posting copious amounts of useless drivel people inexplicably continue to read I could understand it.
I mean really, celebrating this post –
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Where I wax poetic about meatless meat and utterly wrong rice seems a trifle excessive.
But who am I to argue with the WordPress gods?
I’ve been here since July of 2018 and have thoroughly enjoyed the experience. If the powers that be choose to recognize my productivity? Who am I to argue.
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Yup. That’s me.
If you can’t dazzle them with content, flood them with redundancy.
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And the ridiculous things they post on their Facebook page.
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Must float didn’t seem too much to ask… which is why some smart ass posted this photo:
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I love smart asses.
In other news, coyotes.
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We hear them all the time. It’s quite eerie…
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Free roosters are the one and only free item I can’t talk my husband into.
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Hoe downing squirrels are nothing to take lightly, trust me on this.
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Chicken theft.
The world really has gone crazy.
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