Tag Archives: headlines

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News you can’t use.

23 Comments

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All the news that’s not fit to print… but you know I will anyway.

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Sorry, if I had to see it… so do you.

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Gee, no. I can’t imagine that happening. You mean a programmed robotic fiancé who agrees with everything you say and finds your belching the National anthem charming isn’t realistic?

Who knew.

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Can you imagine living next to that Pepto Bismol monstrosity? I’d vomit on principle alone.

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Here’s a simple way… don’t buy them.

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For a society that always screams about invasion of privacy we’re pretty willing to hand over all our information.

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Be careful what you say in front of Teddy.

🥴

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Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

12 Comments

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You know I’ll never run out of stupid headlines. The world can be a stupid place…

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I have to wonder about this. Wouldn’t 30 bottles of bull sperm have been sufficient?

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Kendall, give your nipples a rest. I’m tired of their antics.

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I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say swim.

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I think I’ve been listening to music incorrectly for a long time. Damn.

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Ear boners.

I have officially heard everything now.

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Just… wow.

🤣

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Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

22 Comments

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And if you can, I’ll try not to judge.

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Woodchucks, a hoarding husband and a ditch from Hell? They’re welcome to it.

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Bowel nesting?

That’s a mental image I didn’t need.

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Is there a right and wrong way to sit on the toilet?

Turns out there is.

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Small angles. Got it.

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I don’t know about you, but I leave setting the “go” routine to my colon.

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I don’t blame them. Humans make me nervous as well.

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It wasn’t me, I swear.

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🤣

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Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

22 Comments

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And if you can use it? I’m a little afraid..

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Hope you’ve had breakfast already…

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Sorry Kendall.

For the good of the general public, my girls will continue to be well restrained.

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We once had a cat climb into our neighbor’s truck, but thankfully he only made it to the end of the cul de sac. Clearly Sox is a better traveler.

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I have problem feet and though I didn’t hear word from on high, bought a pair of Birkenstocks… which are both ugly and uncomfortable.

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Just in time for my husband to go back to work.

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The FAA is having a hard enough time regulating drone flight… grandmas flying to Wal Mart is a headache they really don’t need.

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Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

17 Comments

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The fact that you can’t use it is what makes it worth reading.

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I think canine love is in direct proportion to the biscuit level of a Milkbone box.

Full box? Adoration

Box almost empty? Derision.

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Is it? This almost makes me afraid to open the pantry door.

(In case you’re wondering? It’s coffee. )

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Of course it was, it’s Florida.

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And let’s face it, that beats Ron DeSantis any day of the week and twice on Sunday’s.

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To be honest, I’d prefer to talk with the donkey.

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Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

22 Comments

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Far be it for me to blog about something useful. I wouldn’t want to break my trend…

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Finally! An acceptable use for artificial intelligence.

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You go girl.

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This will be me. Seriously, I take photos of videos of everything else… why not death?

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Times are tough, even in Hollywood.

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$248,000 a month for three teenage kids? That sounds about right.

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Well color me surprised.

Not.

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Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

34 Comments

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You can’t use it, but keep reading anyway.

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Giving new meaning to their slogan “we’ve got the beef”.

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And I’m supposed to care about this why…?

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How glad are you to be a loyal reader now?

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Approachable size. 

I’m dying.

🤣

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I can barely stand myself in this universe. Meeting another 100 versions of me is not on the top of my bucket list.

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I don’t envy that town’s Chamber of Commerce. Spinning cannibal crickets to the tourist trade has got to be tough.

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Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

20 Comments

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Because I doubt I’ll ever run out of ridiculous headlines.

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I’ve never been so glad to not be a doctor.

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Methinks Dr. Willis enjoyed his job a little too much.

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I’m totally signing up for that bus tour!

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For me?

It’s been roughly 59 years and counting…

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Good grief Florida, what next? You and Texas are neck and neck for weird happenings this year.

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Being quarantined and sprayed with chemicals isn’t my idea of a good time, but whatever. .

And if you’re wondering how toxic that chemical is?

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If it’s illegal… why and how is the Florida government using it!

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