Tag Archives: fashion

Can I call a time out?

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Being in my fifties and happily married for 38 years, I admit there are days when my normal beauty routine takes a back seat to comfort, convenience and a why bother attitude. My pedicure is in need of a touch up and no, it wouldn’t hurt to retire those comfy yoga pants that are wearing a bit thin in places.

Our house is a no judgement zone but clearly my news feed is not. They’re constantly bombarding me with ridiculous articles and ads pushing the idea that I’ll never be pretty, thin or young enough.

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I have special conditioners for my hair, my face, my hands and my feet… for the love of God, I do not need one for my eyebrows.

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I fear for this generation. I really do.

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Did they really say mature women with a straight face? No one wants to see mature women in a pair of Daisy Dukes and a sleeveless top cut down to there. Don’t believe me? Go shopping at Wal Mart on a warm summer afternoon.

😳

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What does your fashion channel?

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I’m hardly what anyone would call fashion savvy these days. When I was young and thin? Sure. But now, since I’m… curvy, voluptuous, fluffy, …. not, Maine has had her way with me and my wardrobe mainly consists of jeans and boots for winter, tee shirts and sandals for summer. The older I get the more I dress for comfort, but that hasn’t stopped me from glancing at the occasional clothing site from time to time.

It’s hard to believe these are the most loved styles, but what do I know? I’m from Maine where dressing up consists of ironing your flannel.

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This looks a bit too much like a lampshade for my taste, but okay.

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The next time I’m feeling the urge to step out with Budweiser Clydesdale feathered fetlocks… these will be my go to jeans.

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A modern spin on the classic black cocktail dress. For those nights you feel like channeling both Mrs. Maisel and a Brontosaurus.

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Let’s play.

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This one is going to be fun.

Trust me!

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It’s going to be hard to beat me for awful fashion trends, but please…. I beg you.

Try!

Acid washed jeans ruled in my day. And were made even more obnoxious by the fact that we wore them head to toe. Here I am sporting the required jean jacket ensemble while making friends with a crow.

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Not that bad you say? Then get a load of this…

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Me (on the right) and my future SIL wearing matching acid washed jean outfits, complete with multiple zippers. ( Yes, that’s a bottle of Tanqueray on the counter, gin and tonics may or may not have been consumed. Don’t judge. )

If most of my old high school photos hadn’t been destroyed in an attic leak 30 years ago, I would have flooded this post with personal pics instead of the following Google images. But let’s continue with the awful trends of my formative years.

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Track suits. Nothing I say can excuse them, the picture tells the tale.

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Jumpsuits. Preferably with hideous wide belts.

I’m ashamed to say this trend continued into my early married life as proven by this photo of me in France, wearing my Banana Republic flight suit with leopard print belt and beribboned hat.

Sigh.

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Anyone remember leg warmers?

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It was the 80’s. We were all feeling Jane Fonda’s burn.

So how about you? What horrible looks were you rocking in high school…

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I hate false advertising.

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In a delightful break from the Ball Wash and testicle hammock ads, I’ve been seeing women’s fashion on my feed instead.

Not sure why since I never buy clothes I can’t try on first, but anything that replaces random male crotch shots is an improvement as far as I’m concerned.

I do however take issue with their product claims.

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For every body?

Trust me, this suit is not made for any woman over a size 4 and is why young girls grow up hating their bodies.

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Adore Me?

More like Obey Me or Else. Whip and handcuffs not included.

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News headlines I could happily have done without reading.

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It’s been a shitshow of a year hasn’t it?

While I normally roll with the punches, I have to admit sitting here on the last day of 2021 has got me a trifle depressed. Our lives have been put on hold for too long and I’m more than ready to disconnect the pause button.

With that in mind, reading the news probably wasn’t the best idea… but what the hell. How much worse could it be?

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*Note to self – don’t ever ask that question*

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Of course it will. I would expect nothing less.

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I’ve never been on a cruise, and to be honest that type of vacation never interested me. ‘Floating petri dish’ has done nothing to change my mind.

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Apparently NASA is going to rent space stations from private companies in the future. I don’t even want to know how many billions of dollars will literally go up in smoke when the current station goes poof.

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Is that what I look like in my skinny jeans?

Now I really am depressed.

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Happy November

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Temperatures are dropping, as are all the pretty autumn leaves. Late fall is setting in and winter won’t be far behind. Pumpkins will be tossed … but before you do, consider this:

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Critters love pumpkins. And if you aren’t blessed with chickens? Please cut them in half and toss them in your nearest woods. Many creatures can’t cut through the rind, but they love the juicy interior.

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Funny, and very true. I’ve never canned a single thing in my life and don’t intend to start now.

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If you’re tempted to wear these on Thanksgiving? Please… for the love of all that’s holy… post pictures.

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Sometimes you have to be ruthless.

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Especially when your closet looks like this.

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I spent 5 solid hours sorting, cleaning and trying on a shockingly large collection of things that no longer fit… but only managed to finish one little section.

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It was exhausting… as well as depressing and I called it quits when I hit the jean pile, mumbling tomorrow is another day in my best Scarlett O’Hara voice.

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I had to ditch multiple pairs of cute boots due to my I’m not 90 but my feet think they are bunions that have ruined the joy of shoe shopping and turned it into a loathsome chore I’ve come to dread. Gone are the days of fashionable heels… now? I live in sandals, sneakers and boots.

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Three garbage bags later my closet looked better… but I was more than ready for a consolation cocktail. Or two.

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Things for which there are no reasonable explanations.

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Have you noticed the new trend in flour? They make it out of everything now. Back in my day you had Gold Medal and the only choices were 1 pound or 5. Now? There’s rice flour, almond flour, spelt flour and….

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Good grief, don’t people know the only acceptable alternative use of watermelon is margaritas?

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I saw this coffee table in Home Goods the other day and it made me wonder….

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Has caging misbehaving children and dinner guests now become acceptable?Because I’m fine with that.

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Crocs…the hideous abominations are everywhere.

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They’re basically the Honey Boo Boo of footwear and people need to stop wearing them.

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And fruit themed Crocs?

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Do nothing to alter my opinion of these pathetic plastic horrors. Please… for the love of all that’s holy, let these things die the natural death of outdated ugly footwear.

Like Jellies.

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They were hideous, but at least they had the decency to die.

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Random drivel.

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I don’t usually pay attention to the Facebook memories section, but this one from an old blog friend popped up the other day and I had to laugh.

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It really does.

🤣

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That sounds simple and delicious.

If you try it before me? Let me know.

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And for Brian at http://brianlageose.blog

Because we were chatting a while back about the ridiculous old station wagons we had to drive as teenagers. Here’s my husband and I posing in front of my parent’s ‘62 Ford Falcon.

Complete with wood on the side… because we stylin’.

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If you look closely you’ll see the entire passenger side is crumpled from me side swiping a telephone pole when I was 16.

Oops.

This baby had a top speed of 51mph by the time I got her…. complete with vacuum wipers, a manual choke, and AM radio. I was the envy of exactly (count ‘em) none of my friends.

Please don’t judge the head to toe stone washed denim… it was the late 80’s. We had to.

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Finally, here’s Lord Dudley…

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In typical goober mode.

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He should, but thank God he can’t.

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