Tag Archives: fashion

Facebook? Stay out of my closet….

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Why does Facebook insist on picking out clothing for me?

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And why doesn’t this dress have arms? These are the kind of questions that keep me up at night.

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Dolly Parton called, she wants her coat back.

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Is that a shawl? An air conditioned skirt? So many unanswered questions…

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Oh goody. No need to buy the matching pom poms, they’re already attached.

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Since I don’t own an open bust cat suit? I doubt I’ll be needing the required undergarments.

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I’m sorry. But that just looks like a giant maxi pad.

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Food and fashion are a bad mix.

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Some things naturally go together. Cookies and milk? Of course. Macaroni and cheese? You know it. Gin and tonic? I’ll bring the limes, cheers!

But fast food and shoes?

No.

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Clearly Madison Avenue was on a 6 martini lunch that day.

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And if that’s not stupid enough?

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Crocs – Ugliest. Shoe. Ever.

And I live in Maine, home of the L.L. Bean boot.

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KFC Crocs?

For the love of God, why.

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Things Facebook wants me to wear .

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As if all the weirdo products aren’t bad enough, now Facebook wants to dress me.

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At first glance I thought that was a skirt.

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Do I want to walk around furred and feathered?

I do not.

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Gender neutral? How about plain hideous.

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I despise Crocs and have never worn one. Adding a flashlight to the toe will not change my mind.

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I’m picturing me trying to get in (or out) of this dress after a few martinis. It’s not a pretty picture..

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Can I call a time out?

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Being in my fifties and happily married for 38 years, I admit there are days when my normal beauty routine takes a back seat to comfort, convenience and a why bother attitude. My pedicure is in need of a touch up and no, it wouldn’t hurt to retire those comfy yoga pants that are wearing a bit thin in places.

Our house is a no judgement zone but clearly my news feed is not. They’re constantly bombarding me with ridiculous articles and ads pushing the idea that I’ll never be pretty, thin or young enough.

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I have special conditioners for my hair, my face, my hands and my feet… for the love of God, I do not need one for my eyebrows.

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I fear for this generation. I really do.

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Did they really say mature women with a straight face? No one wants to see mature women in a pair of Daisy Dukes and a sleeveless top cut down to there. Don’t believe me? Go shopping at Wal Mart on a warm summer afternoon.

😳

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What does your fashion channel?

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I’m hardly what anyone would call fashion savvy these days. When I was young and thin? Sure. But now, since I’m… curvy, voluptuous, fluffy, …. not, Maine has had her way with me and my wardrobe mainly consists of jeans and boots for winter, tee shirts and sandals for summer. The older I get the more I dress for comfort, but that hasn’t stopped me from glancing at the occasional clothing site from time to time.

It’s hard to believe these are the most loved styles, but what do I know? I’m from Maine where dressing up consists of ironing your flannel.

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This looks a bit too much like a lampshade for my taste, but okay.

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The next time I’m feeling the urge to step out with Budweiser Clydesdale feathered fetlocks… these will be my go to jeans.

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A modern spin on the classic black cocktail dress. For those nights you feel like channeling both Mrs. Maisel and a Brontosaurus.

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Let’s play.

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This one is going to be fun.

Trust me!

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It’s going to be hard to beat me for awful fashion trends, but please…. I beg you.

Try!

Acid washed jeans ruled in my day. And were made even more obnoxious by the fact that we wore them head to toe. Here I am sporting the required jean jacket ensemble while making friends with a crow.

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Not that bad you say? Then get a load of this…

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Me (on the right) and my future SIL wearing matching acid washed jean outfits, complete with multiple zippers. ( Yes, that’s a bottle of Tanqueray on the counter, gin and tonics may or may not have been consumed. Don’t judge. )

If most of my old high school photos hadn’t been destroyed in an attic leak 30 years ago, I would have flooded this post with personal pics instead of the following Google images. But let’s continue with the awful trends of my formative years.

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Track suits. Nothing I say can excuse them, the picture tells the tale.

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Jumpsuits. Preferably with hideous wide belts.

I’m ashamed to say this trend continued into my early married life as proven by this photo of me in France, wearing my Banana Republic flight suit with leopard print belt and beribboned hat.

Sigh.

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Anyone remember leg warmers?

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It was the 80’s. We were all feeling Jane Fonda’s burn.

So how about you? What horrible looks were you rocking in high school…

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I hate false advertising.

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In a delightful break from the Ball Wash and testicle hammock ads, I’ve been seeing women’s fashion on my feed instead.

Not sure why since I never buy clothes I can’t try on first, but anything that replaces random male crotch shots is an improvement as far as I’m concerned.

I do however take issue with their product claims.

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For every body?

Trust me, this suit is not made for any woman over a size 4 and is why young girls grow up hating their bodies.

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Adore Me?

More like Obey Me or Else. Whip and handcuffs not included.

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News headlines I could happily have done without reading.

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It’s been a shitshow of a year hasn’t it?

While I normally roll with the punches, I have to admit sitting here on the last day of 2021 has got me a trifle depressed. Our lives have been put on hold for too long and I’m more than ready to disconnect the pause button.

With that in mind, reading the news probably wasn’t the best idea… but what the hell. How much worse could it be?

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*Note to self – don’t ever ask that question*

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Of course it will. I would expect nothing less.

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I’ve never been on a cruise, and to be honest that type of vacation never interested me. ‘Floating petri dish’ has done nothing to change my mind.

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Apparently NASA is going to rent space stations from private companies in the future. I don’t even want to know how many billions of dollars will literally go up in smoke when the current station goes poof.

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Is that what I look like in my skinny jeans?

Now I really am depressed.

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