Tag Archives: humor

And then there was wood.

But you probably guessed that from the first picture.

 

More specifically it was 16 foot long boards that weighed a ton and had to be dragged out of the big barn and across the lawn with yours truly trying my best not to drop them on her toes.

 

 

Of course it would have been too easy if they’d fit in the 16 foot long spaces. Where’s the fun in that? No… each one had to be measured and cut around the wonky interior frame.

 

 

After tar paper was laid out.

Why tar paper? Because the husband wanted a moisture barrier… but more importantly, because he already had two ancient rolls buried in the garage.

 

 

What was holding down the tar paper as we attempted to fit the boards you ask?

Absolutely nothing.

Good times.

 

 

Was it hot?

A mere 92 degrees in the shade.

 

 

Vintage tools and make shift tables?

Check.

 

 

Did he have enough boards?

Not really.

 

 

Were they all the same width?

Of course not.

 

 

Did he care?

I seriously doubt it.

 

Something for everyone.

 

Can’t find a mask to suit your personality?

I think I can help with that.

For all my wonderful women friends?

 

 

For all my slightly wine addicted friends?

 

 

For Star Wars fans like  James.

 

 

Do you love horses… or just want to look like one?

I’ve got your back.

 

 

There are even masks for those who need to read lips.

 

 

And of course, there are masks made just for me..

 

 

And because I shamefully admit there are multiple tie dye items in my closet….

 

This one is calling my name.

 

 

I should probably wear one of those when assisting my husband with outdoor projects.

Dr. Seuss has a say…

 

 

And finally,  if you’re just sick and tired of everyone?

 

CSA, grocery store oddities and…. pie.

 

Our neighbor’s farm is still churning out a bounty.

 

 

 

This week it was fresh basil, beets, parsley, Boston lettuce, giant scallions, heirloom zucchini and a large radish.

But oh, what a beautiful radish it was…

 

 

Who knew they could be so gorgeous!

This week at my local grocery store…

 

 

Seriously, are we back to hoarding paper towels now?

WTF.

It’s enough to make me want to grab a pitchfork and storm someone’s pantry. The world is not ending Karen… you don’t need 72 rolls of Bounty.

On another note, this –

 

 

Parmesan style what?

And why in hell would anyone buy fake cheese.

 

 

For all we know that stuff is grated styrofoam.

Sprinkle it on your spaghetti or cushion that garden gnome you’re mailing to Aunt Edna.. it’s nothing if not versatile.

And finally…. pie.

But not the fruit or cream variety.

 

 

Shepherd’s Pie, one of my husband’s favorite comfort foods.

 

 

Made with ground lamb thank you very much. If it’s beef, it’s Cottage Pie.

It shouldn’t surprise you to know the husband ate every drop of these two dishes. I’ll cook it, but rarely eat it. Too bland by far.

Perfection in miniature.

 

Hummingbirds.

 

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More precisely our resident Ruby Throated Hummingbird.

 

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He’s laid claim to the feeder….

 

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And ferociously fights off all the others who attempt to sip.

 

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I’ve tried to get videos of the aerial ballets….

 

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But they’re much too fast for my lame camera equipment.

 

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You wouldn’t think something so tiny would be so fierce.

 

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But even this guy keeps his distance.

 

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Because size doesn’t matter.

 

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Or so I’ve been told.

2020 can bite me.

 

Just when I think this horrible year can’t get any worse…..

2020 snickers and rubs its hands together in glee.

 

 

That’s right, a Great White Shark is in Maine waters and has killed a woman. We used to think this was impossible ….. but it’s 2020.

All bets are off.

Shortly after the tragedy, these pictures were taken off the coast of the Island where I used to lived.

 

 

Lunch.

 

 

That’s my Island in the background.

*Gulp*

And if Great White shark appearances in Maine aren’t crazy enough?

This happened early Wednesday morning:

 

 

It felt like a bomb had exploded in our basement.

And if that’s a 2.2?

I’m never moving to California.

Of course, we’re Mainers.

Tough….

Resilient.

 

 

We will rebuild!

 

Woodchucks vs starlings.

 

What’s a baby woodchuck to do?

 

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All he wants to do is peacefully munch the bounty thoughtfully provided by that crazy woman in the house.

 

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It’s bad enough his pesky brother shows up….

 

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But then that pesky bird tries to steal his blueberries.

 

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And before you know it…..

 

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The bird calls in reinforcements.

 

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And things go downhill fast.

 

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What’s a woodchuck to do?

I thought we were done!

 

The baby barn.

It really is the gift that keeps on giving. Like venereal disease, but with splinters.

As you know, the baby barn had a hard packed dirt floor when we remodeled it. It had a hard packed dirt floor when we moved here 18 years ago and it had a hard packed dirt floor when it was originally built sometime in the mid 1970’s …

 

 

And for some inexplicable reason, the husband removed some of that hard packed dirt when he was redoing the frame.

 

 

So for the last few months there’s been a decided drop off at the far end.

 

 

I’ve said repeatedly he needed to back fill that section and level it off, but no.

 

 

I walked out there the other day and found him busy with a shovel instead.

 

 

Removing 26 years worth of hard packed dirt.

 

 

Why?

I’ll let him tell you…

 

 

Good grief Charlie Brown!

The man is a sucker for punishment.

 

 

22 wheelbarrow loads full of dirt dumped on the outer edges of our property line later….

 

 

He had a smooth playing field…. and an aching back.

And I was called in to assist.

 

We don’t need no stinkin’ downspout!

 

Or so my husband said when we were redoing the deck railings.

He took the old one down and elected not to put it back up.

Why?

Oh, he mumbled something about tearing down all the old gutters and replacing them, but honestly I think he just didn’t want to mess with it. Which was fine, until rain was in the forecast and I told him it might be a good idea to put it back up.

Life would be so much easier if he listened to me…. but no.

So, it rained.

 

 

Not a lot, but enough so we had a torrent of water flooding the garden bed and sloshing mulch and dirt everywhere.

I didn’t say a word… though I might have smirked.

I mean really. How could I not?

 

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So out he went, poor guy.

 

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And naturally the downspout didn’t pop back on as easily as it came off.

Numerous adjustments were made.

 

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With a hammer and some colorful language.

By the time he was done, he was soaked and the spout was screwed. Literally and figuratively…. because he broke a piece and had to Jerry rig it.

Now wouldn’t this have been easier…. not to mention drier…. if he had just listened to me in the first place?

Men.

You never learn.

Because it made me laugh.

 

So for the past few weeks the half dead mallows that the woodchucks munched to nubs have been soaking up Miracle Grow and sun on my deck table.

They’re coming along, but it’s slow going.

Completely out of reach of little mouths and teeth, they might have a chance.

So when I looked out the window the other day and saw momma woodchuck sniffing around the deck….

 

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Eyeing the plants and poised for action….

 

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I had to laugh.

 

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Stretch all you want.

 

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You and your buck teeth can’t reach them!

Neener, neener.