Tag Archives: humor

Let’s play

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It’s Friday.

You know the drill.

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I’m a December baby. A Sagittarius, the archer. Or in this case…

Rizzo.

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I can’t tell you how pleased this makes me.

And to be honest, my Muppet pretty much nailed me.

I am both a wisecracker and sarcastic. (An old friend of my husband’s once told him I was “a bit much” 🤣)

I’m also Jersey born and bred with a distinct Sopranos twang.

Do I love food? Ask my ever expanding waistline.

Yup. I’m Rizzo.

Which muppet are you?

And how close does it come to your personality…

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The reveal.

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The home physical therapist came this morning to remove my bandage.

He’s sweet and calls me a rock star.

And Super Girl.

And the ideal patient because I’m doing so well so quickly. Honestly, he’s amazed I’m walking easily, doing exercises and caring for myself without assistance ten days post surgery.

My pain tolerance leaves him speechless. Especially since the nerve block wore off and I didn’t reach for the narcotics.

Sadly most people are still suffering at this point but he was so impressed with my progress, he decided to discharge me early… even though my insurance would cover three more visits.

Yay me.

And now, the reveal.

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Ta da!

The purple permanent marker is what the surgeon uses to line up your skin after he cuts. They take forever to fade and it’s not like you can use anything to scrub them off on a fresh scar.

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The PT guy carefully used a few alcohol wipes to remove some of the outer lines.

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But damn, I still look like Frankenstein.

🥴

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Good neighbors, good husbands and bad bruising.

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On day 8 post partial knee replacement…. our neighbor delivered a home cooked meal.

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This was a lovely gesture and much appreciated.

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It was also delicious.

The husband has been wonderful this past week helping me navigate recovery, though admittedly he was getting a little bored.

Luckily he has a wife with ideas.

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Yesterday was as good a time as any to change those blinds that have been languishing in boxes for the past few weeks.

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Lord Dudley Mountcatten helped, as cats are apt to do.

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We tried to come close to the color of the previous set…. ⬆️

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But weren’t even close.

These are much lighter but as long as they block the sun, we’ll deal.

In other news my swollen leg’s bruising has ratcheted up a notch.

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And I’m sporting some deep dark purple, dare I say aubergine, sections now.

🥴

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News you can’t use.

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More news.

All of it useless.

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He wants you to keep your urine and use it as fertilizer.

Yeah, that’s not happening here.

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Yes friends, you can be the proud owner of a 26 foot tall building shaped like a blueberry. A price hasn’t been announced yet, but really… does it even matter?

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If our resident red squirrels hear about this, we’re doomed.

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A portal?

Maybe, but not to another world.

🤣

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Jay Leno is a decent human being. When we visited Newport, Rhode Island twice last year we heard a lot of locals speak of him fondly. He has a large waterfront home there but appreciates being able to go into town without any fanfare. He frequents local shops and restaurants, watches local high school games and has been known to browse the farmers market. Caring for his wife who has advanced dementia at home and donating time and money to local charities has endeared him to Newporters and this story is further proof.

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Home baked cookies.

Somehow I can’t see Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos being quite as gracious.

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That’s a whole lotta of pie!

🥧

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Let’s play.

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I may be down for the count, but the Friday show must go on.

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I can’t imagine anyone choosing 100 rental properties. That sounds like hell on earth to me.

And since I already have the spouse part down…

Never age? I don’t know. It sounds good but if it means I never die, outlive everyone I love and have to see humans destroy this beautiful planet? I think I’ll pass.

Give me perfect health, $600 million to enjoy it and a private island when I don’t feel like peopling.

How about you?

Pick three.

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Husband nursing, aka – porn for women.

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Day 3 of partial knee replacement.

Horribly swollen, stiff, uncomfortable and starting to show some bruising.

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Last day with the sexy compression stocking and I’m doing the best I can to remain positive. I ice, I elevate, I hobble around with the walker I said I wouldn’t use.

Ha!

Shows what I know. That thing is my best friend right now.

Home physical therapist came for the first time today and damn. Just that little bit of exercise knocked me for a loop. Tired doesn’t begin to describe it.

The nerve block hasn’t worn off yet, which is a bit unusual but not unheard of. They say 4-48 hours and I’m past 80, but if it keeps the pain at bay I won’t complain about the constant numbness.

My husband? He’s really stepped up.

When I had my hysterectomy 11 years ago he was a lousy nurse so I had my doubts this time around, but the man has been wonderful. He brings me everything I need, feeds me, makes sure I don’t fall, keeps tracks of my meds and yes…

He’s doing housework.

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Be still my heart.

I’ve waited 42 years for this!

He vacuumed, swept, dusted, does the dishes and ran a load of laundry. He scrubbed the shower and feeds the cat. He even took everything out of the fridge and washed it clean.

This is (almost) better than sex.

My recovery won’t be pleasant…. but it’s wonderful to have a caring partner help me through the tough parts.

❤️

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Swelling, flowers and home health.

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The day after surgery found me extremely tired with a leg so swollen it felt like it wanted to burst.

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Tight, stiff and with the compression stocking? It feels like a giant sausage in a too small casing. The inside of my calf is still numb so I guess the nerve block hasn’t worn off yet. Thankfully there’s no real pain, just discomfort. I’m sure the pain will hit soon, and I can’t say I’m looking forward to it.

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Our daughter of the heart sent flowers so that made me smile. Not much else does right now. I caught a few hours of sleep but not enough to feel rested. I have to use the walker for every step and lying around on the couch all day is already getting old.

I’ll have home health PT for the first two weeks and they visited yesterday to assess our house and how well I’m getting around. Had to prove I can get in and out of bed and use the toilet without help, which thankfully I can.

The husband is being a good nurse, running and fetching and making sure I don’t fall.

This isn’t going to be fun and it’s just getting started… so I’ll try not to bitch too much.

🥴

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The big day was yesterday.

Up at 3:00 am to shower, pack a lizardless bag and drink that nasty clear Ensure. Blech.

Arrived at hospital 6:00 am. It’s small as far as hospitals go but I love the larger staff to patient ratio and they’ve always treated us well.

Given a private corner room with en suite bath and peaceful wooded view. Ooh la la. I felt special.

Immediately began putting my male nurse to work.

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Ha!

He’s going to be a busy boy for a while.

Surgery at 8:00 am and all went well. Not to mention quickly. Supposed to take an hour and a half but I was done in 45 minutes. Thankfully everything else looked good and they were able to perform just the partial replacement.

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Laid in bed for a while to let the spinal wear off.

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My husband flipped out when he had a spinal a few years ago, feeling paralyzed and not able to move. For me? It was lovely. First time in 6 years I didn’t have knee pain.

😊

Once that exited my system it was physical and occupational therapy in the afternoon to make sure I could get around and dress myself. My leg buckled once ( a terrifying, out of control feeling I don’t recommend ) so they told me to lock my knee and step heel to toe when using the walker.

Bing, bam, boom… we were out the door at 4:30pm.

Home at 5:15 where I exited the car, used the walker to hobble to the kitchen landing, took one step up and felt my knee buckle again. Thank god the husband was right behind me because it was like someone pulled my plug. No control, just rubber. Bam! I crumpled and the husband caught me.

Thinking this knee surgery stuff sucks so far, I made it to the couch with my elevated wedge pillow and an ice pack.

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I think I live here now.

No pain… yet… but the stupid nerve block makes my calf so numb and weak I can’t lift it straight out or up. it feels paralyzed.

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Bought this silly leg lifter thing a while back thinking I’d never use it… but it’s a life saver right now.

Until the block wears off my husband is on 24/7 call. He’s been good but I don’t think he realized how many little things I do around the house every day….. and now that’s he’s doing them? I chuckle as I lie on the couch and give instructions..

😉

The sweetest part?

He had these delivered to our house while we were gone and I found them on the doorstop when we got home.

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Beautiful and perfect colors for the season.

He’s a good guy.

I think I’ll keep him.

❤️

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News you can’t use.

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Starting your week off right.

One Monday at a time.

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Moving is the only acceptable answer.

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In case you were wondering.

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180 cases in 88 years isn’t too bad.

Unless it’s your brain that is.

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Whaaaaaat?

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That thing would wreak havoc on the subway.

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Aside from the mimosas, this won’t bother me a bit.

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Leave it to Italy to start the flashing.

🤣

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Funky lobster, outrageous oil and bots.

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Lobsters are greenish brown when alive and scurrying around on the bottom of the ocean. Though every once in a while a fisherman will haul up a genetic mutation cotton candy blue, a yellow or an orange.

Those are rare, 1 in 10 million to 1 in 30 million.

But the other day?

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Now that’s rare.

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And wonderfully bizarre.

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People have been bitching about high gas prices for months, but in Maine…. where most houses have oil furnaces? We’re going to start bitching about heating oil now. Last year it was $3.42 a gallon…. today? It’s almost $6.

Our house uses roughly 200 gallons a month in the dead of winter … December through the end of March… and that’s set to a median temperature of 69 degrees, not the 73 my always cold husband would prefer. At today’s price of $5.96?

That’s $1,192.

A month.

Can we afford it? Yes. But it still hurts. And how about all the Mainers who can’t?

Something’s got to give.

Heat shouldn’t be a luxury.

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The hummingbirds are gone and these silly sparrows have taken over the feeders I need to bring in. Sorry guys, you’re too big.

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Since no one has ever said my weekly useless news posts “highlight crucial nuances”? I’m guessing the bots have started commenting.

🤣

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