Tag Archives: wordpress

Yay me…?

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A blogging milestone was reached by yours truly recently.

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Although I’m not sure recognition was necessary.

Now if they had a banner that said, Congratulations on posting copious amounts of useless drivel people inexplicably continue to read I could understand it.

I mean really, celebrating this post –

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Where I wax poetic about meatless meat and utterly wrong rice seems a trifle excessive.

But who am I to argue with the WordPress gods?

I’ve been here since July of 2018 and have thoroughly enjoyed the experience. If the powers that be choose to recognize my productivity? Who am I to argue.

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Yup. That’s me.

If you can’t dazzle them with content, flood them with redundancy.

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They just don’t take the hint.

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Every single day I zap them.

And every single day they come back.

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I zap business blogs and blogs that don’t exist. I zap bot blogs and blogs that have 100 posts with no comments or likes.

I don’t need inflated follower stats and have no idea why these people, or machines, keep following me.

Can’t they take the hint?

They follow, I zap. Every day. Twice a day. Ad infinitum.

Give it up Car Kudu. Admit defeat Laundry Tips.

You won’t win.

I can out stubborn you…. just ask my husband.

Oh FFS.

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My hatred for the new editor abated slightly when I played with it on my computer the other day.

I scheduled some critter posts filled with pictures and thought alright, I don’t love it… but I can pull up my big girl panties and deal.

Until I tried to edit one of them on my phone today.

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What?

The picture was there in the scroll….

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But when I opened the post it basically said F you.

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Yeah.

so I’m back to hating it again.

I suppose it was inevitable.

My site has finally been flipped to the horrid new block editor.

So far, I’m not impressed.

And while I don’t rail at change in other areas of my life,  not having to think about formatting a blog has always been pleasant…. until now. I switched back to classic, but it still doesn’t let me space the way I want.

So does anyone like this new format?

Sing its praises and regale me with its infinite wonders if you do.

Because right now?

This is me:

Lead, follow or….. well, you know the drill.

 

I think we’ve had this conversation before, but if you’re a business…. hawking vitamins, web design, crptyocurrency, pet meds and/or ways to increase my readership…. I will drop your follow-ship like a hot rock.

 

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I don’t need an inflated follower count and am perfectly happy with old fashioned bloggers who rather read and interact than sell me something.

So, yay me.

 

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I’ve been zapping people left and right lately, and I’m sorry…..

 

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But sex young girls love you can find here?

You didn’t make the cut.

 

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No, not really.

InTheNameOfSeitan gave me pause…..

 

Untitled

 

Until I learned Seitan just means wheat gluten.

Phew!

That could have gone bad quickly.

The internet is a funny old thing….

 

I had to laugh yesterday when I checked my stat page and saw that something called The Cape Cod Daily News was listed as a referrer.

Since we just got back from a trip to the Cape,  (and yes, we tend to be talkers and meet a lot of people)  I was wondering which one had found me.

Not to mention how.

Because while I am a girl, it may surprise you to learn that my real name is not actually River.

 

2cbtkg

 

Shocking, I know.

And it’s not like I start conversations with strange people by saying, “You really should check out my blog at WordPress. There’s plenty of woodchuck drivel for everyone.”

So I perused the Cape Cod Daily News site and found this:

 

 

news

 

 

I had tagged Cape Cod, so they included my post.

this post

Now I can only imagine the reaction of the poor native Cape Codders who clicked on it and found me channeling Khaled. That couldn’t have been pleasant.

And while I won’t tag Cape Cod this time… because let’s face it, I’m basically making fun of what they consider news…. the coastal cities residents are going to rue the day when Cape Cod Daily puts that action to work when I start my latest vacation series photo blitz.

There’s bound to be rocks.

Won’t they be thrilled?

http://capecoddaily.com/

Scrambling…

 

 

 

No, not eggs.

Vacations.

You see, for the entire year my husband has been saying he’s going to retire in December. He also forbade me to book any vacations because he works for the Federal Government and can sell back his leave when he goes.

(He gets 5 weeks off every year, so the payout can be substantial.)

 

 

Except now that the day is rapidly approaching, he decided he’s going to work a little longer.

Yes, his reasoning is sound.

 

  1. The old boss he hated has left and been replaced with a laid back, drama free manager.
  2. Starting next year, they’re going to push teleworking from home 2-3 days a week…. and since he already works four 10 hour days, it will probably be a 1 day a week commute.
  3. Good benefits.
  4. Good pay.
  5. The ability to dump more in our TSP (Thrift Savings Plan, the government’s answer to a company matching IRA).

 

I get it.

I do…

But our retirement plan was to travel, and I’d like him to be semi-mobile and breathing without a respirator when we do. (Hauling a corpse in and out of resort elevators is such a drag.)

 

Zombie-nuts

 

But back to the scrambling….

It’s almost the end of the year and I don’t have much time to plan and book 5 weeks worth of vacations before time runs out. It’s not easy with the holidays right around the corner. We have a timeshare on a points system and can go anywhere, but since he’s waited so long to request time off, he can’t get more than a week at a time…. which leaves out long distance trips. I hate spending 2 days flying back and forth for only 4 days on site. With the price of tickets these days, it’s not worth it.

So thanks to WordPress’s magic scheduling ability, as you read this… we are currently returning from a week at a ski resort in the western mountains of Maine.

 

 

That’s right Lionel, I haven’t been here for a week and you didn’t even miss me.

God bless technology.

Did we ski? Hell no, it’s too early for that… even in Maine. But it’s a beautiful area and I’m sure we explored. And drank. And took pictures.

The deluge of photos will begin shortly….

 

not again

 

You’ve been warned.

 

An open letter to 1800PetsAndVets and Discount Coupons Now….

 

Dear Pets and Coupons,

While I thoroughly applaud your tenacious natures, the madness must stop. Save us both some time and aggravation and cease your current cycle of repetitive following. If you haven’t figured it out by now,  I don’t allow my reader list to be clogged with random businesses, and will continue to zap you on a thrice daily basis.

If you’re people who actually reads my blogs?

Great! Drop a comment so I know there’s a real live human being behind the clicks… and I’ll welcome you aboard.

But Pet, from the look of your page….

 

 

spam

 

You’re a bot and I won’t tolerate those just to juice my numbers… or my ego.

I remove you both every single day. Multiple times…and still, you return.

It’s become a game. Morning Follow… Morning Zap. Afternoon Follow… Afternoon Zap. Evening follow… Evening Zap. Well, I’m getting a little tired of playing.

Let this serve as a warning, I have an infinite amount of patience and will outlast you.

 

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Yup.

That’s me.

So please….

 

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And let me go.

 

Sincerely yours,

Rivergirl

 

 

A Blogiversary.

 

Happy 1rst blogiversary to me!

 

 

A little more enthusiasm would be nice but yes, it’s been one year to the day since I joined WordPress.

And while I certainly wasn’t a blog virgin….

 

 

It did take a little time for me to adjust to my new home.

WordPress is a larger and more diverse platform than my previous sites, and though it’s also filled with more businesses and spam than I was used to…. I admit I’m enjoying it more as well.

 

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Blogging means different things to different people and my posts have certainly changed over the years. They used to be filled with personal details, family strife, and raw emotion …. but I was burned by that.

 

 

And switched to a light hearted, irreverent look at the world instead.

 

pgps-cover-600-ce3

 

Yes.

That book really exists…

“Go behind the exam room door to experience the secret lives of doctors and patients. Enjoy Pap parties. Meet the Chlamydia Clown. Win a free kitten with your physical! In this laugh-till-you-cry health care handbook, you’ll learn how fun it is to be a doctor–and a patient.”
I haven’t read it…
But feel I should, and report back.

 

Finding a tribe of like minded odd balls has helped me settle in here.

 

 

So to all of you slightly disturbed souls I call friends…

The loons who regularly tune in for my mindless drivel?

 

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I shall endeavor to provide more of the same high quality nonsense…

And continue to answer some of life’s most difficult questions.

 

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Zapped!

 

So I cruised my followers list the other day and did a bit of belated spring cleaning.

 

 

Good bye mortgage company people, how to make money online people, unique items you can’t find anywhere else people….

 

 

If you’re blatantly a business and have never commented, liked or read a single word I’ve posted?

 

 

You’re outta here.

I’ve been blogging for more years than I care to count, and while I enjoy WP immensely… I have to say I’ve never been on a site that has so much digital commerce.

For pity’s sake…. I have salesmen knocking on my door trying to sell me boxes of frozen meat. I have telemarketers calling nonstop trying to sell me car warranties and vinyl siding. I have girlfriends trying to rope me into attending a dinner party so they can sell me Pampered Chef products.

Enough already! My blog is a sales free zone.

And I’m zapping.

 

 

(Sorry, cleaning analogies are over. But that’s a chicken…

Riding a vacuum cleaner…

While laying an egg.

These things must be shared.)

 

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If you’re selling Cryptocurrency?

Please move along.

That’s not my idea of blogging.

Then there are these people…

 

 

poiuyg

 

They set up a site but never use it.

Why do you bother, and why do you always follow me? I engage with my readers damn it!

So…

 

 

It’s surprising how many of these followers sneak in without you noticing.

When’s the last time you checked your list? I bet you have 50 or so lurking like I did.

Start zapping. It feels good to kick them to the curb….

 

 

Unless you’re one of those bloggers who needs a high follower count for personal validation.

Then by all means, you do you.

Feel free to have a bloated list.

I won’t judge.

 

 

Okay, maybe just a little.

The Meyer Briggs test said I have to…

 

P.S.  Sometimes I write and schedule blogs upwards of a week in advance. Since writing this?

Five of the zapped are back.

Perhaps I’m more irresistible than I thought.