Tag Archives: followers

Because my readers are a high class bunch.

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A new follower is always a lovely thing.

Unless it’s a bot, a business or one of those endless fake blogs I zap on a daily basis.

Last week?

A new follower of the utmost distinction joined my list. There he is, right at the top.

⬇️

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Yes, The World’s Best Farter has joined our ranks. I’m not sure whether to be flattered or disturbed, but welcome Mr. Farter.

Pull up a chair.

Preferably over there, in the far corner.

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Now admit it…

You’re jealous he found me first.

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They just don’t take the hint.

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Every single day I zap them.

And every single day they come back.

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I zap business blogs and blogs that don’t exist. I zap bot blogs and blogs that have 100 posts with no comments or likes.

I don’t need inflated follower stats and have no idea why these people, or machines, keep following me.

Can’t they take the hint?

They follow, I zap. Every day. Twice a day. Ad infinitum.

Give it up Car Kudu. Admit defeat Laundry Tips.

You won’t win.

I can out stubborn you…. just ask my husband.

Well, no good came from that.

 

I’m speaking of the (oh so helpful) post I did the other day about that most wonderful product……  the butt mask.

I hate to say it, but I’m afraid that bit me in the ass.

You see, right after I posted it? I noticed I had a few new followers:

 

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Not the shoe woman or the wine lover… those are totally understandable.

No, I’m talking about Pistol Pete.

Whose blogs are a little out of my area of expertise.

 

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Am I ready for men’s thong underwear?

No, Pete. I most assuredly am not.

And if Pete wasn’t bad enough? I also picked up his alter ego Daniel Alexander.

 

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I must not know about this.

Really. I mustn’t.

 

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Nothing. There’s no occasion that calls for male G string underwear.

Office party? Nope!

Dinner with friends? Nyet!

Your mother in law’s birthday? Well, maybe….

 

 

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I’ll throw this one over to my male readers.

What do you say guys… are they comfortable?

 

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In closing, the moral of the story is….

Don’t blog about butt masks.

 

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And say goodbye to Pistol Pete as fast as you can.

 

 

Lead, follow or….. well, you know the drill.

 

I think we’ve had this conversation before, but if you’re a business…. hawking vitamins, web design, crptyocurrency, pet meds and/or ways to increase my readership…. I will drop your follow-ship like a hot rock.

 

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I don’t need an inflated follower count and am perfectly happy with old fashioned bloggers who rather read and interact than sell me something.

So, yay me.

 

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I’ve been zapping people left and right lately, and I’m sorry…..

 

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But sex young girls love you can find here?

You didn’t make the cut.

 

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No, not really.

InTheNameOfSeitan gave me pause…..

 

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Until I learned Seitan just means wheat gluten.

Phew!

That could have gone bad quickly.

No funny business….

 

Just a heartfelt Merry Christmas to my loyal readers.

 

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Wishing you joy…

 

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And a Christmas Day filled with everything that makes your heart sing.

 

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May your tree stay vertical, may your outdoor lights stay lit…

 

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And may the birds not strip your wreath down to the wire.

(Speaking from experience)

 

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And now seems a perfect time to say thanks….

Thanks for being there when I log in.

Thanks for putting up with the 112 part series of my vacations and my endless photos of rocks.

Thanks for the laughter, and the snarky banter.

But most of all?

Thanks for not posting those sickeningly sweet pictures of Elf on a Shelf.

 

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I really hate that little bastard.

 

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(Okay, there was a small amount of funny business.

So sue me…)

 

 

An open letter to 1800PetsAndVets and Discount Coupons Now….

 

Dear Pets and Coupons,

While I thoroughly applaud your tenacious natures, the madness must stop. Save us both some time and aggravation and cease your current cycle of repetitive following. If you haven’t figured it out by now,  I don’t allow my reader list to be clogged with random businesses, and will continue to zap you on a thrice daily basis.

If you’re people who actually reads my blogs?

Great! Drop a comment so I know there’s a real live human being behind the clicks… and I’ll welcome you aboard.

But Pet, from the look of your page….

 

 

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You’re a bot and I won’t tolerate those just to juice my numbers… or my ego.

I remove you both every single day. Multiple times…and still, you return.

It’s become a game. Morning Follow… Morning Zap. Afternoon Follow… Afternoon Zap. Evening follow… Evening Zap. Well, I’m getting a little tired of playing.

Let this serve as a warning, I have an infinite amount of patience and will outlast you.

 

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Yup.

That’s me.

So please….

 

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And let me go.

 

Sincerely yours,

Rivergirl

 

 

Zapped!

 

So I cruised my followers list the other day and did a bit of belated spring cleaning.

 

 

Good bye mortgage company people, how to make money online people, unique items you can’t find anywhere else people….

 

 

If you’re blatantly a business and have never commented, liked or read a single word I’ve posted?

 

 

You’re outta here.

I’ve been blogging for more years than I care to count, and while I enjoy WP immensely… I have to say I’ve never been on a site that has so much digital commerce.

For pity’s sake…. I have salesmen knocking on my door trying to sell me boxes of frozen meat. I have telemarketers calling nonstop trying to sell me car warranties and vinyl siding. I have girlfriends trying to rope me into attending a dinner party so they can sell me Pampered Chef products.

Enough already! My blog is a sales free zone.

And I’m zapping.

 

 

(Sorry, cleaning analogies are over. But that’s a chicken…

Riding a vacuum cleaner…

While laying an egg.

These things must be shared.)

 

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If you’re selling Cryptocurrency?

Please move along.

That’s not my idea of blogging.

Then there are these people…

 

 

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They set up a site but never use it.

Why do you bother, and why do you always follow me? I engage with my readers damn it!

So…

 

 

It’s surprising how many of these followers sneak in without you noticing.

When’s the last time you checked your list? I bet you have 50 or so lurking like I did.

Start zapping. It feels good to kick them to the curb….

 

 

Unless you’re one of those bloggers who needs a high follower count for personal validation.

Then by all means, you do you.

Feel free to have a bloated list.

I won’t judge.

 

 

Okay, maybe just a little.

The Meyer Briggs test said I have to…

 

P.S.  Sometimes I write and schedule blogs upwards of a week in advance. Since writing this?

Five of the zapped are back.

Perhaps I’m more irresistible than I thought.

Drive by likings….

 

I love to blog.

 

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(I like to think so… but in reality? No.)

I love to read other people’s blogs.

 

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(That looks more like an ostrich egg, but who am I to turn down free food?)

I love to comment on other people’s blogs and have them comment on mine.

 

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(Yes…. Yes I can.)

For me, it’s all about connecting. And I’ve been doing it for over 14 years.

Finding a small tribe of like minded weirdos is comforting, and I enjoy it.

So while I’m relatively new here, and I realize WordPress is a large site with scores of people who try to profit from, or make a living out of it…. I’m constantly dumbfounded by the amount of shadow bloggers who inhabit this space.

They like my post, sometimes they follow me…. when I know damn well they’ve never read a single word I’ve written.

Do they even exist?

 

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Example.

 

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This person (?) has 418 followers…

And 85 likes on a post that isn’t even a post.

WTH?

How can you like something that doesn’t exist?

 

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(Okay, never mind… that’s fabulous.)

But please tell me what the point is here, because I’m confused.

Drive by likings.

Shadow followers.

Why?