Tag Archives: husbands

We don’t need no stinkin’ downspout!

July 29, 2020 Rivergirl 28 Comments

Or so my husband said when we were redoing the deck railings.

He took the old one down and elected not to put it back up.

Why?

Oh, he mumbled something about tearing down all the old gutters and replacing them, but honestly I think he just didn’t want to mess with it. Which was fine, until rain was in the forecast and I told him it might be a good idea to put it back up.

Life would be so much easier if he listened to me…. but no.

So, it rained.

Not a lot, but enough so we had a torrent of water flooding the garden bed and sloshing mulch and dirt everywhere.

I didn’t say a word… though I might have smirked.

I mean really. How could I not?

So out he went, poor guy.

And naturally the downspout didn’t pop back on as easily as it came off.

Numerous adjustments were made.

With a hammer and some colorful language.

By the time he was done, he was soaked and the spout was screwed. Literally and figuratively…. because he broke a piece and had to Jerry rig it.

Now wouldn’t this have been easier…. not to mention drier…. if he had just listened to me in the first place?

Men.

You never learn.

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The baby nightmare continues…

October 29, 2019 Rivergirl 30 Comments

Baby barns.

Totally not worth the trouble.

When last we left our intrepid deconstructor, he had finished the back side of the main building and was moving around to the side.

Please note that his loyal wife and help mate was not thrilled to see a large pile of dirt growing ever larger on her lawn.

Problem #1 this past weekend? The husband had so much ~~junk, crap, useless rusted nonsense~~ treasure stored in that section, he had no room to work.

Of course, he assured me it was all wonderful stuff.

I assured him it was not.

What? Why? How much….

I didn’t even want to know.

Yes…. that’s a filthy old door with a mail slot that weighs roughly 5,000 pounds.

No… I have no idea why he has it.

But if you need 2 rusted iron frames for your wooden wagon wheels? He’s your man.

Although on second thought, he never parts with anything… ever. So I guess you’re out of luck.

You might have noticed this jewel in the previous photo…

I think it’s an ancient torture device from the early 14th century.

I know it damn near broke my back dragging it across the lawn to the big barn where it will now gather more cobwebs.

It’s days like these that I have to keep telling myself…

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I really do.

Because otherwise? I’d kill him…

And I don’t think they’d let me blog from prison.

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My only question is… why?

September 10, 2019 Rivergirl 33 Comments

I never know what I’ll find in my husband’s barn.

The other day? I found this hanging on the wall….

After I was through shuddering, I named it Creepy Baby.

Because, it’s a baby. And it’s creepy. I swear it’s eyes follow me around the room, and you know that never ends well.

I also saw this perched on the window sill.

Yes….

It is what you think it is.

The question is….

As a decorative item, it leaves a lot to be desired.

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And I can only hope the mechanism used to make it go boom isn’t in there as well.

But with my husband?

You never know.

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So I got excited.

July 3, 2019 Rivergirl 31 Comments

No, not that kind of excited.

Although now that I think about Chris… well, never mind.

I got excited because at 11:00am last Saturday the husband told me he was going to clean out the barn and set up a small yard sale.

My husband was going to get rid of his crap?

I was happy!

I was thrilled!

Hell, I admit it.

I was positively orgasmic.

I looked out the window and saw him sell something to a biker.

Yay!

All the useless Harley knick knacks and paraphernalia…. gone!

All those extra Kawasaki parts and accessories…. gone!

And then I looked out the window again.

And saw my late mother’s plant stand that I use on the porch…. gone.

My glass hummingbird feeders…. gone.

I was no longer excited.

And when I went outside to check exactly what it was he was selling?

Yeah.

It was 100% mine.

Bags of clothes slated for Salvation Army donation, kitchen ware I was going to give his niece who’s moving into her first apartment, books that I trade with a friend.

He even had my hydrangea fertilizer on the table.

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But the worst part? The part that really had my jaw clenched….

He set this all up, and left.

Went to visit his brother and expected me to sit there and sell all the items I had no intention of selling in the first place.

The man has a death wish.

There’s really no other explanation that makes sense.

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We will prevail….

June 23, 2019 Rivergirl 29 Comments

Time for our annual battle with the flowering quince.

My husband hates trimming this bush. Hates it with a passion.

The monster is covered in thorns and not easily tamed. Cutting a path through uncharted Amazon rain forest while being chased by pygmies with poisonous darts might actually be preferable.

Every year we do it, and every year he grumbles.

This year he suggested using the chain saw.

But I had visions of this:

And managed to dissuade him.

I started with the electric hedge trimmer…

And managed to cut smaller branches away from the house.

Then the husband brought the ladder and the muscle.

Quince bushes are hard wood, and mature ones like ours fight back.

I was tempted to suggest something like this:

But managed to hold my tongue.

While he was angrily hacking away at that, I moved over to the also out of control Burning Bushes.

These turn a vibrant red in the fall and are much easier to trim.

But I didn’t get very far because hidden in between them and the boxwood? I found a catbird’s nest.

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No, not that kind.

This kind.

And I scared the poor mother right off it.

(Worry not, she’s back.)

Avoiding the nest meant the bushes are still large, but at least you can see the windows now. The top half anyway.

As for the quince…

My idea of a neatly shaped shrub differs greatly from the husband’s …

But he had a sharp implement in his hands and I figured I shouldn’t push the issue.

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Yes, dear.

It looks fine.

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It was a Game of Thrones day miracle….

April 17, 2019 Rivergirl 18 Comments

In case you didn’t notice, Sunday night ushered in episode 1 of the final season of the epic HBO series Game of Thrones.

I’m a huge fan girl and had been looking forward to it for a long time.

I was wearing my shirt…

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Twitching in anticipation…

And expecting the usual – I don’t like GOT even though I’ve never actually watched GOT – look from my husband.

It goes something like this….

But this was the final season!

I was excited, I was nervous, I was sad….

But I was also speechless, because at 9:00 Sunday morning my husband…. the husband who for 8 years had refused to even entertain the idea of watching GOT… asked to watch GOT.

From the beginning.

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