.
I should have known this was coming. It’s the Christmas season and that can only mean one thing to my Facebook algorithms…
A veritable ball wash cornucopia.
.
.
Holiday balls.
.
.
And assorted ball related gifts….
.
.
I can honestly say I know more about ball hygiene products than I ever dreamed possible.
.
.
And I hate to be the one to tell you..
.
.
But Jolly Jewels are a no go, as in… sold out.
Better luck next year.
.
Through with our outdoor touring of the site….
We found the museum.
An odd looking building we were assured was totally green.
Although it looked pretty brown to me.
Although I called it a museum?
They call it an Archaearium.
Technically that means an archeological excavation covered by a glass building.
Which it was.
Because the remains of the first government building was literally under your feet.
The exhibits were well done and history rich.
And it shouldn’t surprise you that we spent a good couple of hours here.
They’ve apparently taken a good deal of flack over the display of actual remains.
But to be honest, it was fascinating.
Granted if JR was my 10th great grandfather I might feel differently….
I mean, it doesn’t look like he died peacefully.
But then again, this poor fellow had to be in dire need of some Excedrin as well.
Early surgical instruments?
Or the Marquis De Sade’s toy chest?
Tough call.
I’m guessing this poor soul didn’t get any Novocain either.
Of course back in the day…. this pointy little piece of metal?
Yeah.
Not your average Q Tip.
Way.
And if you remember my post from yesterday about the hardships the settlers endured?
This 14 year old girl was eaten.
It doesn’t get much harder than that.
Have you ever been out shopping and stumble on a product that makes you go….
I did that the other day when I turned the corner and saw this:
Catchy name.
And I admit… it made me look.
Then?
It made me sorry I looked.
Really?
Let’s break this down.
#1. King of the Throne? Please.
This is the only king who will ever be on our throne.
#2. Tear, unfold and wipe, DUDE.
There are only two people who can get away with saying those words.
#3. *ALSO SWEET FOR FACE, HANDS, PITS & DUDE REGIONS
Dude regions? I don’t want to explore that statement further.
Truly.
I don’t….
#4. Ingredients include flower extract and citric acid.
Considering the purpose of the product… and the location of it’s use? I’m hoping there’s more of the flower and less of the acid.
Last week I was doing what I love most in the world, kicking back with an ice cold margarita while being hand fed tasty morsels by Bradley Cooper, waiting in an urgent care clinic for my SIL who I agreed to drive there.
** Warning for male readers – this post is going to go south about halfway through. Literally and figuratively. **
Medical facility waiting rooms are my least favorite place in the world. Crowded, obnoxiously loud, human petri dishes. Breeding grounds for the passage of whatever plague is currently circulating. Worried about mad cow disease or the bird flu? Forget the barnyard…. you’ll catch it here. Had I owned a bio hazard suit, I would have worn it proudly. With triple duct tape at the joints.
As I was sitting in an unobtrusive corner trying not to breath, I realized my phone had died and I was at the mercy of the magazine rack. (Not reading is out of the question. Someone might want to start up a conversation and that’s entirely too much close contact when you’re trapped in a disease ridden incubator from Hell.)
As you know, medical waiting room magazine racks are filled with riveting copies of Breast Feeding Monthly, How to Avoid Herpes newsletters and Let’s Identify that Secretion Digest.
I figured Oprah’s magazine would be the least revolting choice and grabbed her new issue.
Oh, Oprah…
( Now would be a good time to point out that I detest women’s magazines in general. I have never needed to know how to bake a better bundt, why the soles of my feet are making me unhappy or what to do if my husband is cheating on me with my mother. )
And Hell, I didn’t even get past Oprah’s cover before I was rolling my eyes.
While I have a girlfriend whose husband thinks hers has been on vacation since 2006…
I was guessing this article wasn’t about sex and shuddered to think about the tips hidden inside.
I’d rather you didn’t, but thanks all the same.
The teaser didn’t bode well.
And it made me wonder how mine has survived all these summers without the benefit of expert advice.
There…
Now that’s advice you can use.
I refuse to go into detail about the article, but will post a picture of it for anyone who’s interested.
In a nutshell? Treat Her Right.
Remember..
You heard it here first.
River's world..... 