.
Go ahead, I know you want to. But in this case I’m crazy like a fox because I’ve found a product with multiple uses.
.
.
The Woof Washer!
Okay, sure… it will clean the mud off your dog. But think of the possibilities.
Little Johnnie Jr. beat up the neighbor’s kid and is covered in blood?
Woof Washer!
Your 5 year old daughter found your stash of stripper glitter?
Woof Washer!
Your husband comes home from the bar reeking of cheap beer and even cheaper perfume ?
Woof Washer!
I’m telling you, this thing is pure gold.
.
.
It’s well established that I am not a fan of that horrible green leaf called kale.
I don’t like kale chips or drink kale smoothies, so stop asking.
I won’t eat it and you can’t make me, no matter how constant the bombardment.
So imagine my horror when I saw the advertisement for this abomination of a product….
.
.
No!
Not the children!
.
.
A kale chew toy?
Wouldn’t that be more suited for a dog?
What the utter Hell!
😳
.
.
While I do love an interesting cube in my cocktail…
.
.
I’m not sure I want one that bites back.
.
.
Spotlights at your fingertips. How cool is that!
.
.
While I realize this a type of filter for purifying water…. on first glance my thoughts went to holiday punch bowls.
Those tiny cups are ridiculously small.
😉
.
.
I’m not a big soda drinker so maybe I’m not as excited as I should be about these new flavors…
.
.
Truth. Would any of you drink those?
🤢
.
.
If this doesn’t explain the current generation’s obsession with themselves, nothing does.
.
.
Edible glitter… coming to a strip club near you.
No pun intended.
.
.
Or not.
.
.
Though you have to admit, they could come in handy.
.
.
No. No one needs that.
And the rest of us don’t need to see it.
Ever.
Trust me on this.
.
.
Personally, I’d love to see one of these on every dining table in America. Remember when we had actual conversations during meals ? Hard to believe, but yes…. we did it face to face, not screen to screen.
.
.
What the…
What?
😳
.
.
I don’t need this…
.
.
But I won’t judge you if it’s something you want to try.
.
.
Who am I kidding? That sounds disgusting. And don’t even think about wiping your hands on my guest towels after you apply it.
I will hurt you.
.
.
Good grief. Along with all the other parts of my body that are sagging…. now I have to worry about droopy gums?
.
.
Does lip temperature change?
.
.
Mood lipstick of the 90’s? Hell… I’m old enough to remember mood rings from the 70’s.
.
.
.
I certainly don’t, but maybe some of you might…
.
.
Who’s going to order these? Fess up, I know someone will.
But please, don’t post pictures.
.
.
I love a good roast beef sandwich as much as the next girl…. but soaking in beef juice bubbles? Hard pass.
.
.
I don’t wish I could wear those outside. Nope. Not one little bit.
.
.
If you’re that one friend? Please unfollow me immediately.
*gag*
.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never had any trouble finding the toilet at 3:00am and certainly don’t need it to glow neon blue like some freaky interplanetary transport system.
Rotating fluorescent colors?
Hell… if I want a rave, I can think of better locations than my bathroom.
Cleaning isn’t a problem?
The scrubbing bubbles may disagree.
You can thank me later.
I was flipping through a magazine the other day and saw this little blurb of a review.
Needless to say, I was perplexed.
Buttne?
Exfoliating ass masks?
Excuse me while I crawl back under my rock where such things don’t exist.
Yes…. it’s a real thing.
And according to the description? Will get your behind ready for prime time.
Here’s a helpful product review.
So if you’re looking for a new beauty regime… or if your posterior just needs a little freshening up?
You know who to thank.
Women will try anything to keep their skin looking supple and smooth. The illusion of youth is a powerfully motivating force.
And while I admit to buying my fair share of high priced creams and lotions in a feeble attempt to push back the hand of time…. even I have a limit.
Here it is:
Yes…
Snail mucus.
Because someone, somewhere, at sometime saw this…..
And thought, yup….
I got to get me some of that!
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