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Because the nightly news is too depressing and hate filled.
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I shop at Goodwill all the time. Closest I’ve ever come to art is Elvis on velvet and dogs playing poker.
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I don’t eat Cup Noodles, why in the world would I want to paint my face or nails to match?
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When you have a head that looks like you’re constantly flipping someone off, it pays to look surprised.
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Guest house might be stretching it, but boy… I wish these had been for sale when my MIL was alive.
🤣
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My girlfriend and I had a long overdue day of thrift store shopping recently. I’ve missed that. Good company, a nice lunch and of course, a few laughs.
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I know nothing about yoga and have never tried it but if you’re so inclined, please tell me…. are bubbles required?
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Because my behind is round enough without bubbles and puckers thank you very much.
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I always cruise Goodwill’s book section. Sadly along with every other damn thing lately, the prices have doubled. Books I used to buy for $3 are now $6-7. Still cheaper than buying new…. unless you’re this particular book of course. $7.98 new, $9.00 at Goodwill. Not much of a bargain there.
🥴
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Protein bars with attitude.
And then there’s this last treasure. I didn’t buy it because my kitchen is already crammed with dozens of cookbooks I never use.
But damn…
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It would have made a great gag gift someday.
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A girlfriend and I hit Goodwill the other day and if nothing else, it’s a great place to pick up cheap books.
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16 books for $21? A little slice of heaven right there.
Of course, even thrift store shopping isn’t immune to politics these days…
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And while I didn’t buy that tee shirt, I did buy this one. Because, honestly…. I had to.
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I shall wear it and point at myself the next time my husband disagrees with me. That should go over well.
My girlfriend was in the mood for Cracker Barrel so that’s where we headed for lunch. The restaurant was almost empty but the hostess told us there would still be a 20-25 minute wait to be seated due to short staffing. (I’m seriously tired of waiting for meals… have all the pre Covid waiters and waitresses been abducted by aliens and given the anal probe? If not… please go back to work. River be hungry. )
Since it was raining we chose to wander the store instead of sitting outside on the rocking chairs, and that’s where I saw this:
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For which I have no logical explanation.
But perhaps the biggest surprise of the day?
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Alcohol… at Cracker Barrel!
When did that happen? Granted it’s not a favorite restaurant of mine and I probably haven’t stepped foot in one since my mother passed but it seems like I would have noticed such a momentous event.
Since their beer was dishwater I opted for a mimosa, which was close to dishwater only fizzy… but yes, it was alcohol!
At Cracker Barrel!
The world really has gone mad.
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I spent a long over due retail therapy day with my girlfriend recently. Of all the things I’ve missed over the past year, that ranks pretty high on the list. One of our stops was Goodwill, where I saw this:
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Here’s hoping they hire someone who knows how to spell this time.
Further down the road, I saw this oddly named store.
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And something tells me they’re not talking about the corned beef variety.
At TJMaxx I found this disturbing product.
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No need to wash that blouse you’ve worn 27 times. Just give it a little spritz and be on your malodorous way.
🤢
Halfway through our shopping extravaganza… it was time for lunch. This is normally not a problem since South Portland has a plethora of restaurants. But since no one wants to go back to work, every single place we tried was understaffed and had an hour long wait. With a groan of desperation, we ended up at Red Robin where I spotted a most unappetizing burger on the menu.
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#1. Putting a burger between two pieces of greenery does not magically transform lettuce into a bun. Just, no.
And more importantly –
#2. Do not name your abomination of a burger ‘The Wedgie’. Creeping underwear issues do not make my mouth water.
(And if they make you salivate? Please exit my blog and don’t come back.)
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Being fully vaccinated, I’m starting to feel safer venturing out with a friend for some long over due retail therapy. First stop? A nursery.
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Because as I’ve said previously, you can never have too many flowers.
Second stop? Goodwill… where I saw this.
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Although I had no idea what it was. At first I thought it was a cat with big tatas wearing a cape and waving. Then I figured out it was a cape wearing kangaroo with boxing gloves and an open pouch. The question is… why does such a thing exist?
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We visited a gift store with strange mossy things…
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But I did like the upside down air plant stuck inside a dried urchin.
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And if you ever want a suede comforter with barbed wire?
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Complete with turquoise stars and fringed pillow shams? I can totally hook you up. ( Although I won’t be spending the night in your guest room. Uh uh. Nope. )
I had to laugh at the rainbow coalition of Crocs.
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Does anyone even wear those monstrosities anymore?
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And finally, this was the one that got away. I’m filled with regret for not scooping that little gem up when I saw it. Ice cubes in 8 minutes? I totally should have bought that for our man cave bar.
😩
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Thrift store shopping is always an adventure. And while it’s true you have to sort through a lot of trash, sometimes you find a treasure. My girlfriend and I used to make monthly pilgrimages to various shops and believe me when I say we have found some seriously odd things. So when I came across this article about the strange things Goodwill employees find, I knew I had to share.
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A suitcase full of dildos? Well, I suppose you could repurpose them like this woman did.
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Yikes. I don’t imagine the kangaroo was too happy about that.
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Damn. I wondered why I couldn’t find mine.
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Is it me? Or are you noticing the distinct trend toward the penile at Goodwill..
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They’re probably right. But it wouldn’t have been me.
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This popped up in my Facebook memories today and since I wasn’t blogging here 5 years ago?
I have to share.
As seen in Goodwill, a rubber chicken.
It was a dog toy, but a more wrong rubber chicken you’re not apt to find.
I suppose you could say they were singing…. but I’m afraid my mind went elsewhere.
And for a further chuckle?
Read the detailed description that came with them.
I dare you not to laugh.
“This rubber chicken is not any ordinary chicken, when you squeeze him he makes a loud screaming sound, it can help you relaxing your pressure and bringing you good mood. This squeaky rubber chicken will make a comical addition to your dog’s toy chest! Screaming sound when you squeeze it “Squeeze me when you are happy. I will make you and your friend laugh” “Squeeze me when you are not happy. I will help you relax” “My shrilling scream will let you have unexpected fun and entertainment, relax and release stress.” Once you have this funny scream chicken you can lose your press and became more smooth.”
So go on….. squeeze your chicken.
Hear him scream.
I like…
This tee shirt I picked up at Goodwill the other day.
If my husband would just follow this one simple rule, life would be so much more pleasant.
I like…
The new yellow kiwi fruit.
Have you tried them?
Yum!
I like….
The Annual Damariscotta PumpkinFest Regatta.
(And you thought we only raced zucchini in Maine. Pfft!)
But this year, I really like the pumpkin they’re using to advertise it.
I like…
Finding multiple praying mantises (manti?) on the baby barn we’re remodeling.
Did you know the female praying mantis bites off her partner’s head after sex?
Clearly she’s a woman who doesn’t like to cuddle.
I like…
Apple season.
Our trees are loaded with juicy fruit…
And soon my belly will be full of juicy pie and fritters.
actual video of me after eating juicy pie and fritters
In the parking lot of a restaurant I saw –
The best damn car seat covers…
Ever.
If these don’t stop your mother in law from asking you for a ride?
Nothing will.
At Goodwill I saw –
Technically no, Richard…. no one said sale.
It’s just thrifting.
But may I say…..eeewww.
Clearly there is no quality control in the thrift store business.
This was a sleeve of a blouse with hair covered velcro on the end.
Why did it have hair covered velcro on the end?
It’s Goodwill. How the hell should I know?
And finally I saw…
A full grown pregnant doe terrified of a chipmunk.
He was sitting on the edge of the stone wall, chipping… as chipmunks are wont to do.
And she wouldn’t come any closer.
I don’t speak chipmunk, but maybe….
He’d had a bad day.
River's world..... 