When you’ve been happily married for 41 years, Valentine’s Day passes quietly. A few cards, some flowers and a kiss usually suffice. We tend to avoid the overcrowded restaurants offering kitschy two for one meals and definitely bypass heart themed gifts.
Like these made for men.
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Laser engraved meat.
How romantic.
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Because nothing says I love you like highly salted and over processed meat petals.
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Yeah..,
No.
I won’t be giving my guy any of these items, but please make sure to blog about it if youdo.
I have told our contractor numerous times what type of doors we want. He relays this information to the store rep he orders through.
And while the rep was on track with the living room door for some reason the bedroom door is still a problem.
I gave our contractor the door catalog and circled these three styles.
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I texted him this photo from the website.
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I specifically described the shape and style of the top window door we want. I gave him everything he needed to order said door which he passed along to the sales rep… so you can imagine my surprise when he emailed me this.
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Does that look like the door we wanted?
No, it does not. So a few days later he emailed me this.
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Does that look like the door we wanted?
Again, it does not… so a few days later he emailed me this.
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Okay, we’re getting closer… but this half fan model is a bit old fashioned and not the door that we want.
Help me out here. Am I being unclear… or is this a man thing?
Do all pretty windows look the same to the male eye?
I swear this door will be the death of me. Or at the very least the death of my sanity.
As I mentioned a while back, my husband purchased a new weed whacker. He’s always had great big gas powered things, but with the ethanol additives in fuel and our cold winters it seems they’re always breaking down and dying.
This time around he went battery operated because he bought this brand’s battery hedge trimmer last year and loved it.
Naturally, he put it together in the living room… because that’s what one does.
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Excited to try his new toy, upon completion he took it outside and starting whacking the first thing he saw… grass along the edge of our garage.
You know, the section you see immediately upon exiting our kitchen door.
Apparently my spouse did not realize the power of his new tool because…
This happened.
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Yup.
He weed whacked a nice long strip of the vinyl siding.
A few more chuckles from Mary Roach before I put this book to bed.
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My husband does not moisturize, though at times I wish he would.
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As you know I have a spouse who enjoys filling our kitchen with overpriced gadgets…. so I totally get this. Though thankfully no $345 pentolas have crossed our doorstep.
Yet.
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Touchless trash cans with sensor eyes? Please don’t tell my husband.
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Preach sister! My spouse never ever uses coins but has them stashed everywhere. In the den closet, in every vehicle cubbyhole, and yes in jars on the bedroom floor.
With the hope that it will rain on our property sometime in this decade, my husband purchased gutters for our baby barn/shed and I attempted to help with the installation.
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Since the project was my husband’s idea and he was in charge of purchasing supplies, this meant 3 forty minute round trips to Lowes and half the day wasted because he thinks making a list is a waste of time.
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Did he buy the right size screws?
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He did not.
Did he buy the correct downspout brackets?
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He did not.
Did he buy a new section of downspout because the piece he had leftover from a previous project was too short?
Work is slowly progressing on my soon to be fabulous backyard perennial garden border.
Whether my marriage will survive it is another matter entirely.
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I’m not sure why my husband has chosen to take every single little thing I say about this endeavor as a slight, an insult or God forbid…. a question of his manly ability, but he has.
I go out and try to help, but somehow everything I do just ends up pissing him off. He’s sucking the joy out of the process with his attitude and moodiness, but I will not let him ruin it.
I will not.
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If you remember, I advised we buy at least two pallets of stone back at the start. I knew we would need at least two full pallets, but no. My husband knew better and we bought one.
So when he reached the end of pallet number one and wasn’t anywhere near finished?
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He was less than pleased to admit we needed the second pallet I had wanted since the beginning and grumbled that I was gloating.
The search for rocks to build a new border for my defunct perennial bed is underway and I can’t tell you how thrilled I am.
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We went shopping…
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For rocks!
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Did I mention the aforementioned rocks are not cheap? Many rocks will be needed for this project so we drove around all day to multiple yards to compare prices.
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So.
Many.
Rocks!
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I think I died and went to heaven right on that spot.
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This will be our border. 1-3” fieldstone. 3,000 lbs a pallet.. and at $458 per it was the cheapest we found. The bed is 10’x20’ … I say we’ll need two pallets , maybe 3 for a finished bed border… the husband says we’ll start with one.
Silly man. Doesn’t he know you can never have too many rocks?
You know the drill. The following excerpts are from a Mary Roach book about sex. You have been warned…
While Viagra is a relatively new treatment, cures for male impotence have been around for a long time. Two testicles not getting the job done? No problem, just get yourself a third.
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Yes, they really did have an add a testicle procedure, though it was not without its issues.
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Ponder that for a moment.
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Feel free to whip up that cocktail at your next dinner party. Gin, orange juice, grenadine and absinthe. Not sure what that recipe has to do with the family jewels, but I’m sure it will be a hit all the same.
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If that’s not trivia to impress your friends, I don’t know what is.
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Sodomization does seem a trifle extreme for pilfering a tomato, but clearly the Romans took their gardens more seriously than I do.
( If you want a good giggle? Do a Google image search on Priapus. That is one massive cucumber. 😳 )
Where there's only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.
River's world..... 