Tag Archives: presents

Have you ever gotten one of those gifts?

 

You know the ones I mean.

The  “Oh holy crap, did someone really just give me that?”  variety.

When I was a teenager I had an aunt who ran a department at Time/Life. She attended numerous publishing conventions and thought it was great fun to collect the freebies off the exhibitors tables and then wrap them up as gifts. Over the years I received Exxon pencil sets, IBM keychains, and Dow Chemical clipboards. I got Sheraton note paper and Hilton shampoo. I even unwrapped Army camouflage toilet paper for my birthday one year.

Good times.

 

 

But every once in a while, she would actually purchase something. Not a hardship, considering the woman had a blue chip stock portfolio as long as my arm.

When I was 15, she must have gone to a thrift store….because she came home and gifted me with a slightly used  “pretty blue and white porcelain thing.”

That’s what she called it, The Thing….. not knowing what it really was. When she apologized for the strong smell and told me I should probably wash it?

I realized it was a bong.

 

 

Okay, so she nailed it that time.

Me and The Thing had many happy years together.

But by far the most interesting and ludicrous gift she ever gave me was this book I found when cleaning out my closet a few weeks ago.

 

IMG_4550

 

She majored in English Lit at Smith and probably thought a collection of light hearted verse would be nice.

 

 

But sadly…

Attention to detail was not her strong suit.

As witnessed by the table of contents.

 

IMG_4551

 

Yeah.

When you have a chapter on buggery?

They’re not your mother’s limericks.

 

 

I’m not a prude, but wow.

Some of those rhymes make even me blush.

And as much as I’d like to share the truly colorful ones with you, I don’t want to get WordPress blacklisted.

So here’s a small sampling of the mildest instead.

 

IMG_4553

 

IMG_4554

 

IMG_4555

 

IMG_4556

 

IMG_4557

 

The moral of the story?

If you’re buying a book as a gift,  it’s probably a good idea to scan a few of the pages for content first.

That being said, if you’re ever in need of a filthy limerick…

I’m your girl.

 

 

See?

There’s a way to sneak Game of Thrones into everything.

Even better than rocks…

 

I’ve been known to give some interesting birthdays gifts in my time.

Some elicit laughter, some tears….

Some? Downright befuddlement.

It’s all good.

In the past few years, I’ve gifted my husband with experiences as well as tangible items.

2014 was a beer making lesson.

 

008

 

Friends and family joined us for what I thought would be a laugh a minute celebration…

 

010

 

Ah, look at those happy faces.

(Word of warning –  if you’re thinking about trying it? There’s a lot more to beer than drinking. And I don’t recommend any of it.)

Beer drinking? Fun!

Beer making?

 

015

 

Not so much.

It’s a long involved process…. that I completely stopped caring about two hours in.

 

013

 

Poor husband.

Look at him… he had his tasting glass ready and it wasn’t anywhere near finished.

Birthday experience gift rating on a scale of 1 to 10?

4.

 

Last year I nailed it with a School of Falconry class.

This was fabulous and we both enjoyed it immensely.

 

IMG_7302

 

Husband got up close and personal with a Harris Hawk and a Peregrine Falcon.

And they were both beautiful creatures.

 

IMG_7318

 

Learning to handle them can be challenging.

 

IMG_7323

 

As well as a little intimidating.

Of course, they were nothing compared to the instructor.

 

 

She was downright terrifying.

(I think the husband had flashbacks to boot camp and reverted to a quivering PFC before my eyes.)

But baggie of dead quails aside?

 

IMG_7329

 

An awesome day.

Birthday experience gift rating?

A definite 10!

 

So this year, along with the rock and other assorted presents…

I gave him a helicopter.

 

 

aircraft-helicopter-piston-robinson-r44-raven-ii-353523_cb0843e83ec51499_920X485

 

Okay, calm down.

Those babies go for $425,000.

I gave him the experience of learning how to fly a helicopter.

Half an hour class instruction, half an hour flying time with 2 guests.

I’m not sure when we’ll do it, most likely after the weather warms up.

But I’m guessing it’s going to be a good one!

Assuming we don’t die in a flaming fireball of a crash…

That’s bound to reduce the rating.

 

 

 

Birthday presents no one gets excited about.

 

We recently celebrated my husband’s birthday.

And as I posted earlier, among other things….

I gave him a rock.

Because I’m that kind of wife.

We celebrated at a friend’s house, and naturally he was speechless.

 

IMG_4253

 

Okay, at first he didn’t know what the hell it was.

But that’s not always a bad thing. And he could honestly say no one had ever given him a rock before… so that should count for something.

 

imagesHBTZVIT7

 

But if you thought that was odd?

Witness the gift our friends gave him.

 

IMG_4261

 

At first it was a box filled with the weirdest packing peanuts I’d ever seen.

 

IMG_4262

 

Then it was a little box that said..

 

IMG_4264

 

And then…

 

IMG_4265

 

And…

 

IMG_4266

 

Are you noticing the trend?

 

IMG_4267

 

This went on forever.

 

IMG_4270

 

And while I’m sure it was funnier with the 3 margaritas I’d had, even sober ….you have to applaud the effort.

Finally he reached the end.

 

IMG_4271

 

And I thought, oh yeah.

This is going to be good.

I was wrong.

Very, very wrong.

 

IMG_4272

 

Huh?

 

birthday-present_o_1088364

 

 

Turns out it was a war nickel which had popped up while my husband was playing poker with the guys a while back. Husband is a coin collector, and had explained what it was to the group.

war nickel

So….

Yeah.

They gave him a nickel.

And I gave him a rock.

Do we know how to make a birthday boy happy or what?

 

now-thats-just-sad