Tag Archives: fire

Things that fall into the WTH? category.

 

When checking out at the grocery store last week I saw these….

 

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Rap Snacks.

I’m sorry, but no one needs Cardi B. flavored potato chips.

The woman wore a coffee filter to the Grammys. Enough said.

 

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Something else no one needs?

This….

 

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I believe I actually said WTF when I first saw it.

 

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Now come on…. if you have that much facial hair to catch?

 

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Skip shaving altogether and put your beard in a pony tail like all fashion forward men do.

 

I think by now you all know of my lifelong aversion to dolls.

They’re creepy…. and if you don’t want me to spend the night? Put a few of them in the spare bedroom and watch me run.

But this?

 

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This is the stuff of nightmares.

And speaking of that?

I was cruising Atlas Obscura a while back for an interesting day trip and their recommendation gave even me pause.

 

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Yes, you and your significant other can visit the picturesque vistas of Turkmenistan and tour the Gates of Hell.

And if you think I’m kidding?

I’m not.

 

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Admittedly…. as tourist attractions go, it’s a little strange.

But I’d still rather go there than back to Busch Gardens.

 

 

 

Hell…. continued.

 

It was finally dark enough to check out the lights we’d paid a small fortune to see at Busch Gardens.

 

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Have you ever stood in a freezing cold circle of strangers and stared at a tree?

We did.

And I felt like a Who.

 

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Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas as much as the next person.

But Christmas in Busch Gardens? Loud and crowded, filled with screaming, unruly, sugared up children as well as their rude, cell phone addicted parents…. and utterly devoid of the old world charm they were attempting to replicate?

No.

 

 

But we smiled… and enjoyed the company of those we love.

 

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If not the techno extravaganza.

 

 

I read there were 10 million lights in Christmas Town…. and I believe it.

If it stood still? They lit it.

 

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Admittedly there were some pretty spots.

 

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But the crowds pushed you along at a pace not conducive to enjoying them.

 

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There were numerous theaters you could enter and view a show…. for a large price.

But we did stumble on this extremely blue one for free.

 

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Naturally there was no place left to sit…

 

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So we stood off to the side and listened for a while.

 

 

Until our teeth were chattering again.

 

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Thank God for the warm up stations.

At least they got that right.

 

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This was an impressive section of lights.

 

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Although I was constantly getting bumped into when I stopped and attempted to focus a shot.

 

 

That tree at the end?

 

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Shone like the sun.

It was so damn bright….. I think my retinas actually screamed.

 

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In case I forgot to mention it….. trying to stay together and find your way around this place in the dark amidst the crowds of screaming children and oblivious parents? A total nightmare. We had no idea where we were half the time and by the time we decided to head back to the parking lot?

 

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We couldn’t find a map, no less the exit. And I think they plan it that way. We even went into the stores and asked the staff how to get out …. but they looked at us like the proverbial deer in headlights.

Maybe they never get out…

I don’t know.

 

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Asking the plastic polar bears seemed like a waste of time.

 

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So we kept walking.

 

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Took a right past the ice castle…. then a left…. then a right… and another left…. and backed up… and crossed a bridge…. and turned around….. and found ourselves back at the damned ice castle.

 

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We walked and walked.

And shivered and chattered and froze.

 

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We also blessed the day man discovered fire.

But then we finally saw something familiar.

 

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And I was never so happy to see a fake European village square in my life.

 

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Joy to the World my *ss.

 

 

I was only joyful when we found the exit, waited on yet another long line for the shuttle, rode the sardine can to the parking lot with 50 tired, cranky children and worn out adults and got into our car.

Christmas Town at Busch Gardens Williamsburg?

Bah humbug.

Overpriced and over rated.

 

 

 

Busch Gardens Virginia….or as I like to call it, Hell.

 

I think we’ve established we are not theme park people.

So spending 6 hours at Busch Gardens in Williamsburg while on Christmas vacation?

 

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It’s billed as the prettiest theme park in the country.

 

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And while I doubt that’s a very high bar…..

 

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It’s plastic fantastic fake European villages failed to impress….. seeing they were less village and more overpriced stores filled with gimmicky tourist merchandise.

It was enough to make me drink.

 

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Warm Apple Pie Cocktail in hand… we continued.

(You knew it was coming, don’t look so surprised.  If ever I was in dire need of alcohol? It was then.)

 

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So we paid a fortune, had drinks in hand and a 7 year old who wanted to go on some rides. Problem was… most of them weren’t operational for Christmas.

This did not go over well with the little person in our midst.

 

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She couldn’t drink, and she didn’t care about fake Europe… she just wanted some rides!

 

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We found a few animals to distract her.

 

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But it was cold and she was growing more bored with each step. Every ride we passed? Locked up tight.

And then viola!

 

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I spotted a gondola.

 

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3 adults and a midget. We’re in!

So we get on line.

A long line.

A very long line that took us almost 40 minutes to reach the end.

We boarded, anticipating a leisurely ride over the park.

 

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And I kid you not, after taking this picture….

And this video….

 

 

Which lasted 40 seconds, we were done.

One second of ride for each minute we waited on line. Totally worth it!

Not.

 

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We landed in “France”.

And you know what? I’ve been to France…. this wasn’t even close.

Still not finding a working ride, I spotted Hogwarts and the child’s eyes lit up.

Yay me!

 

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Boo Busch Gardens…. it was blocked off and locked up tight.

I was beginning to hate this place.

 

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Psychedelic camera toting bear aside.

Did I mention it was cold?

 

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I mean down right freezing for southerners and even quite brisk for us Yankees after a few hours of walking.

 

 

At least this made her laugh.

If we had known all the fun kid stuff would be closed? We wouldn’t have gone in the afternoon but just waited until after dark for the lights.

 

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Even the scooter brigade looked disappointed.

 

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We did mange to find an old time carousel.

 

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Where we waited on line for another 30 minutes to ride for 30 seconds. You could seriously get whiplash from how quickly these things end.

 

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Magic dragons were climbed on….

 

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Towers were explored….

 

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More alcohol was needed….

Okay, maybe that was just me.

 

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Rope bridges were crossed….

 

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Even by the husband if you can believe it.

 

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Another warm up station later, it was starting to get dark enough to see some lights.

And yes, as cold and miserable as I was….. I was going to wait until dark for the lights we paid almost $300 to see.

A preview…

 

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