Tag Archives: Florida

News you can’t use.

.

The fact that you can’t use it is what makes it worth reading.

.

.

I think canine love is in direct proportion to the biscuit level of a Milkbone box.

Full box? Adoration

Box almost empty? Derision.

.

.

Is it? This almost makes me afraid to open the pantry door.

(In case you’re wondering? It’s coffee. )

.

.

Of course it was, it’s Florida.

.

.

And let’s face it, that beats Ron DeSantis any day of the week and twice on Sunday’s.

.

.

To be honest, I’d prefer to talk with the donkey.

.

News you can’t use.

.

Because I doubt I’ll ever run out of ridiculous headlines.

.

.

I’ve never been so glad to not be a doctor.

.

.

Methinks Dr. Willis enjoyed his job a little too much.

.

.

I’m totally signing up for that bus tour!

.

.

For me?

It’s been roughly 59 years and counting…

.

.

Good grief Florida, what next? You and Texas are neck and neck for weird happenings this year.

.

.

Being quarantined and sprayed with chemicals isn’t my idea of a good time, but whatever. .

And if you’re wondering how toxic that chemical is?

.

.

If it’s illegal… why and how is the Florida government using it!

.

They’re dying to get in.

.

I do like an interesting bar…

.

.

Any of my Florida friends ever have a drinkie poo here?

.

.

Weird, yes. But I think I’d have a hard time partying under a hanging tree.

.

.

Twigs and leaves aren’t the only things it sprouts…

.

.

To be clear this is not one of my favorite decorating themes. I have enough trouble with bras in every day life, I really don’t need to drink under a ceiling of them.

.

.

Wow.

.

.

The oldest bar in Florida definitely has history.

.

.

Damn.

.

.

I’ve had drinks with my share of dead beats, but this takes dead to a whole new level.

Weirdest. Bar. Ever.

.

News you can’t use.

.

Because there’s no limit to the crazy.

.

.

Et tu Cookie?

.

.

Girl Scout cookie extortion? That seems a little too on point.

.

.

Do my male readers have any wisdom to impart on this subject?

.

.

How huge?

8.7 million tons and the size of a shopping mall huge.

.

Our beach could literally be clean at 8 a.m. and three to four hours later a giant mat of sargassum the size of a mall will come in like the blob, like a Stephen King movie,” said Tom Mahady, city of Boynton Beach (Florida) Ocean Rescue chief. “It’s not pleasant for swimmers.”

.

I keep reading about this and hope my Florida friends will share some first hand photos when it arrives. Just remember to wear a gas mask, it’s pretty stinky.

.

.

Okay climate change deniers… shit just got real.

😳

.

Miscellaneous nonsense.

.

Autumn in New England. The pumpkins, the apples, the brightly colored foliage. You really can’t beat it.

.

.

Nice try Florida, but you’re not even close.

.

.

The poor man has been eating tofu burgers and kale sausage… can you really blame him?

.

.

Gee, here’s an idea…. how about cleaning the litter box you freakin’ idiot.

.

.

I think the parent foxes have booted the kids out of the den. They’re here every evening now.

💕

.

News you can’t use.

.

Or maybe you can. Who am I to judge?

.

.

Unbearable heat. Sink holes that can swallow your house. Hurricanes. Anacondas and boa constrictors in the waterways. Now there are giant snails? Makes me glad I’m at the other end of I-95.

.

.

Did she hide them in her hair? If so, it’s easy to see how she got away with it for so long….

.

.

This guy had a period for 20 years and didn’t know it. Bloating and homicidal mood swings weren’t enough to make him wonder?

.

.

This doesn’t surprise me at all. Matter of fact, I’ve known a few guys like that myself…

.

News you can’t use.

.

Because I live for odd headlines.

.

.

If they’re anything like Twinkies, I’m sure they still tasted fine.

.

.

Yes, in 1945 American GI’s liberated a little girl’s birthday cake along with Italy. She looks quite happy now, so I guess what they say is true… it’s never too late for cake.

.

.

While we welcome all wild visitors for a nosh at Casa River … this makes me glad I don’t live in Florida.

.

.

Is this really a gift? I’m going with no.

.

News you can’t use.

.

A few useless headlines from my news feed, just because.

.

.

Help me out here Florida people. Does this really happen? And if so, why are you not posting pictures! Random lizards falling from the sky should rate a blog now and then.

.

.

It’s official… even the Queen is feeling the pinch of inflation. Keep your eye on eBay, there might be some nice jewelry up for bid soon.

.

.

Most excellent. Here’s hoping they let Willow roam the halls of Congress and poop in Ted Cruz’s briefcase.

.

.

Are we?

I’m not, but if you are … please share. I’ve heard it’s called the God molecule and people experience death when tripping. That doesn’t sound like my idea of a good time, but to each their own.

.

.

Sonoran desert toad is not impressed.

.

Only in America

I read something the other day that literally made me snort.

It was a list of people’s thoughts on visiting the United States for the first time…. and what they found unusual.

Here are a few.

I dare you not to laugh.

Because really…

Sometimes you need more from 7/11 than a raspberry Slurpee.

Well, we do like to super size things.

Including our hips, thighs and waistlines.

That’s so true you don’t have to laugh.

Also true.

And before your uber patriotic fingers start typing hate mail… we’re a family of veterans, I love my country. But you have to admit, we are very in your face about it.

Ha!

They have a point there.

How does this happen?

 

A little background before we begin:

I have a YouTube channel.

The only reason I have a YouTube channel is so I can post short ridiculous videos of meaningless drivel here on my blog.

 

normal

 

Nests, ducks, ants, roof leaks and the ever popular baby barn.

As you can see by the number of views, my audience is limited. And who can blame them? Watching my roof leak will only excite a small demographic.

Yes, occasionally a friend will stumble on my channel and watch a few…. but without my blog narrative they don’t make a whole lot of sense.

Which is fine, because I don’t have time for… nor interest in…. promoting this channel.

So I have to ask… why?

 

huh

 

Why have I gone from 8 subscribers to 805?

 

youtube

 

And while I don’t mean this to be a racially charged statement…. there aren’t any John or Jane Smiths on the list.

 

 

 

Totskie Pacino.

Al’s 3rd cousin twice removed? Could be.

After a little research, I found comments.

 

 

 

I didn’t understand them, but I found them.

And upon further study it seems this video, that I posted when we visited the Jacksonville, Florida Zoo 2 years ago….

 

 

 

Is the reason.

 

 

Holy mother of wombats!

It went from 7 views to 100,000 in the span of a week.

And a few days later?

 

 

Another 92,000 views. WTH?

Is there some lame international search engine that was so desperate to provide results they chose my far from riveting 51 second clip over this?

 

 

https://youtu.be/0S-oOTzjXn8

 

 

I’m befuddled.

I mean hell,  my video wasn’t titled Look At This Awesome Tiger! So why are 192,988 people searching the web for IMG 5867?

Yes, I’m befuddled. And also a little ticked.

 

 

Clearly Evelyne Robinson hasn’t been paying attention.

If I did indeed have a tiger?

He’d be as fat as momma woodchuck and unable to nimbly traverse my lovely backyard waterfall.

*Note to self – check into installing lovely backyard waterfall. Red squirrels can’t swim*

 

 

 

Yes, my views are up.

But once these subscribers realize it’s nothing but woodchucks and barn insulation, I fear my stats will be taking a dramatic downturn.

Sorry Totskie.