Tag Archives: humor

Just in case you were wondering.

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This first news flash is for my male readers.

Hang on men, help is on the way.

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It’s funny, but the first place my mind went with this was wondering if it’s run by the good people at Butterball who provide us with the how to cook a turkey hotline at Thanksgiving. If so, I hope the operators don’t confuse the two. Asking the masturbation experts what to do with the giblets could positively ruin the holiday.

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I must be seriously out of touch with what’s new and trending because naked pickle ball never crossed my mind when planning fun summer activities this year.

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I used to have a garden.

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I used to have a beautiful perennial garden in our back yard. It was a lovely little brick bordered bed and over the years I filled it with a varied assortment of colorful flowers.

There was purple lupine.

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The harder to grow white lupine.

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And some fabulous red bee balm.

A few years in, a little apple tree seeded itself and since I didn’t have the heart to pull it up… it grew happily alongside the phlox, black eyed Susans and Shasta daisies.

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My garden made a wonderful foreground in photos of the big barn construction progress.

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And I had many happy years of bright blooms and vases full of freshly cut flowers.

Until my husband bought the beast.

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The monster zero turn lawn mower that flings grass clippings and weeds what seems like 100 miles. No matter how many times I begged him to reverse direction and steer clear, over the years my bed was overtaken by weeds. No matter how many of the damn things I pulled, dug up or chopped… I couldn’t contain the growth and they slowly started choking out my flowers.

By 2019 I gave up.

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I bought numerous bags of mulch.

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Weed whacked everything down to ground level…

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And covered the whole thing, leaving only the tree. And while I missed my riotous blooms, the aesthetic was pleasing enough to satisfy.

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Of course the husband and his big orange beast kept throwing grass in the bed so I kept getting down on my hands and knees to weed. Until I blew out my knee in the fall of 2020 and could no longer crouch or kneel without considerable pain.

So I gave up again, and now? It looks like this.

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A large brick bordered bed of weeds. It disgusts me on a daily basis but I vowed not to touch it again until a new, taller stone border could be built. And now that the husband is retired with nothing but time on his hands….?

To be continued….

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News you can’t use.

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In all the years I lived down south I could never bring myself to enjoy okra. Even deep fried I found it to be a slime filled snot ball.

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But if it can clean up plastic waste? I may have to rethink my aversion.

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That is some seriously vengeful lightning right there. In my head I’m hearing Liam Neeson’s voice. “I will find you”.

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Where has this been all my life?

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And what the Hell Canada! We’re your friendly lobster filled neighbors to the south…. please share.

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Now that is a yacht worth having.

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I love popcorn as much as the next girl…

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A good movie and bucket of popcorn dripping in melted butter makes me happy. A popcorn engagement ring? Not so much….

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My engagement ring… bought after we were married because we like to do things backwards…reflects a 38 year old paycheck and while fine quality, it isn’t even a carat. So 3.66? Sure. Sign me up.

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But a diamond that’s shaped and colored like buttered popcorn?

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That’s a hard pass from me.

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Of food and turtles…

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It’s that time of year again.

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Rhubarb time. When everyone who grows the noxious plant tries desperately to pawn it off on unsuspecting strangers. This rarely works, but if you’re visiting Maine in June, be warned.

Our small town has a wonderfully inventive food bank and is supported by many of our organic farmers. You never know what they’ll whip up next.

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Lots of items are advertised for free around these parts.

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No free turtle? I’ll pass.

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Believe me when I say you don’t want this fellow nibbling on your toes.

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Amazon always brings it.

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I saw something interesting advertised on Facebook the other day.

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It’s some kind of fruit filled bubble that bursts when dropped in cocktails and I thought hey… that might be fun for the man cave bar. Until I saw they were $25 per plus tax… and $24.95 shipping. Undeterred, I sought them on Amazon.

While I was a bit disappointed they didn’t have the same brand, I was tickled by the imposter bubbles’ name.

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I might have to order them.

I mean really, who could resist?

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Let’s play!

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Because I have written proof some of you love these.

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I could say he left the top off the toothpaste or the toilet seat up, but that seems like an extreme reaction for such a small infraction.

Think I’ll go with one that’s bound to get him tossed to the curb, never mind his clothes ….

“He told me this dress does make my butt look big.”

So what do you think he did?

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