Tag Archives: stupid products

When three times the fun is not more fun.

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Every time I see a ridiculous advertisement for poop themed merchandise I think… this can’t be real.

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Then I do a little research and realize how feces obsessed this nation has become.

( Is it me or does that turd look like an extremely excited brown gherkin?)

And if the original singular flying excrement wasn’t bad enough….

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Now there are three.

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One of which is looking quite smug.

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Because there’s nothing funnier than poop!”

I beg to differ.

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Etsy picks.

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Every once in a while I cruise Etsy because they have some wonderfully creative things. Some are useful….

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(Though a few decades late for me.)

Some are… not.

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Personally I don’t feel the need for a human dog bed…

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But if you do? Know that I am rolling my eyes at the thought of you sitting in that giant floor pillow… and so is your dog.

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This was kind of cute until I read what it was for.

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Dermatillomania is an obsessive skin picking disorder, and judging from the bestseller status of this product… it’s more common that I thought.

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This.

For when you really want to feel like you’re sitting on the throne.

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And the poop keeps coming.

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Why is everyone so obsessed with poop these days?

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How bad do you have to be to find one of those in your Christmas stocking?

Yes, the classic emoji has its uses …

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But does it need to be flung in a mini slingshot? No. Even with the added incentive of 3 free flying feces.

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Thanks for clearing up the fake versus real controversy. Those outstretched arms and googly eyes might have come from Uncle Harold’s commode. He always was an odd duck.

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I’m going to go out on a limb and say English is not the ad copy writer’s first language. But hey… poop is universal.

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Products you don’t need, except for Mark.

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I have a shelf full of cookbooks I never use. Some are low calorie, some are comfort food, some are Italian, some are French. None of them however, are from Sing Sing.

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With all due respect to Goose, I think I’ll pass.

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Do I need to play Bingo with various shaped feces?

I do not. Nope. Not ever.

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If someone gave me this? I would probably do just the opposite and lob it at their head.

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Now where was this when I was young? Talk about missed opportunities. Damn.

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And finally, something for Mark, aka Swinged Cat, aka Madtown Migrant, aka Mark My Words…. who, for some unfathomable reason likes to eat this canned abomination. Throw them with abandon my friend. Personally, I’d rather eat the dice.

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Things I don’t need.

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My Facebook and Apple News algorithms are always coming up with ridiculous products they think I need to purchase.

I’m passing on all three of these.

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#1…. Swimsuit season is not approaching quickly in Maine, unless you count the Polar Bear plunge in February and I’ve never be crazy enough to do that.

#2…. My derrière is awake as it’s ever going to get. No caffeinated butt cream required. 

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No.

Just… no.

While I spoil Lord Dudley Mountcatten far more than my husband thinks I should, even I have limits.

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Do I want to carry around a 28 ounce gelatinous pouch of my own urine? I most assuredly do not.

Also, I spent my teenage years on an island in Maine where there were no public restrooms. I’m completely familiar with pissing in the woods if necessary.

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Things I don’t need today.

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While it’s true my face may not be as firm and tight as it once was…

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I have no desire to cover it in Pepto Bismol rubber either. Sometimes the price of beauty is too high.

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Is it? Because that doesn’t look the least bit appetizing to me. I need my meat to bun ratio a lot lower than this.

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Would duct tape work just as well?

Asking for a friend.

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I saw this remarkably accurate John Wayne doll in an antique store the other day and was ready to lambaste the seller for spelling effigy incorrectly…. until I did some research and discovered Effanbee is a company that produces collectible dolls. It’s a good thing my husband didn’t see it. I don’t need that horror staring me down in the man cave bar.

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I see your dogs playing poker velvet wall hanging and raise you one toothless, cigar smoking set of gambling scallops.

My money’s on the straight flush mollusk.

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Things Facebook thinks I need.

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Facebook… in its infinite wisdom… has posted yet another list of ridiculous products it thinks I must buy, and this time? They’ve outdone themselves.

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Do I need to remotely drive a pile of poo?

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I most assuredly do not.

Am I ancient enough to require a ladder’s assistance to sit up in bed?

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Not quite yet.

And while a recipe book of quick cook meals does have a certain appeal…

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I doubt I need a potty mouthed granny to deliver them.

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Why?

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The following are three things I can find absolutely no reason for being.

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Meat is not and can not be made from plants. You want a kale sandwich? Fine, but please identify it as such. Impossible is an apt name.

Here’s something that should be near and dear to my heart – a wine purse.

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So why in the name of Bacchus are they filling it Gatorade? Epic fail.

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I’m sorry, but you have to be a special kind of stupid person to pay $14.99 (plus shipping and handling) for a single apple. I don’t care how cute the box is.

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I think I speak for all dogs..

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Dogs of the world? Unite and bite your owners… at least the ones who invented and sell this nonsense.

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And if you think that’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve seen today, hang on. It gets worse.

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While the chihuahua dog umbrella might seem cute, let’s visualize the Great Dane sized version and move on.

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I didn’t click on this oddity so I can’t relay any details. I get enough weirdo advertisements as it is, exploring canine penile wraps would take me down a dark tunnel I’d just as soon not visit.

🤣

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