Tag Archives: awards

If there’s an award for the world’s most patient wife…

.

I should win it.

Hands down.

.

.

Because I’ve been looking at this mess for…. count them…. 37 frickin’ days.

.

.

This giant load of useless crap was belched from my husband’s closet in the den on December 8th when he needed to climb up in the attic.

I didn’t bitch, it was a necessity.

And since he had the next 30 days off work because he didn’t take any vacation in 2020, I figured he would deal with it at his leisure.

I was wrong. So very wrong.

I didn’t bitch a week later when it was still there.

But two weeks later? I was bitching silently in my head.

Three weeks later? I was bitching in my sleep.

Four weeks later? I was bitching opening while plotting his slow, but quite painful demise.

It’s only today, 37 frickin’ days later, the day before he goes back to work….

.

.

That he decided to deal with it. Of course it’s not a matter of simply putting things back in the closet. No. That would be too simple. Instead, each and every item must be fully examined and then brought to me for the desired but never realized “Gee, that’s swell. I wish you had 6 more just like it!” response.

Then he leaves the item in front of me with hopes that I’ll look it up and find it’s worth thousands of dollars.

FYI? The Moosehead beer mirror my husband knew was a vintage bar collectible?

.

.

Turned out to be a carnival prize worth $10.

As I type he’s knee deep in a stack of tattered Look magazines from the 60’s.

This clean up may take a while.

Another 37 days is not out of the realm of possibility.

.

*Update – 5 hours later? The room is still littered with crap and there’s a ladder in the hallway.

.

.

Good times.

.

You know I have to share these things.

.

I do. Even though I’m sure you’d rather I didn’t.

.

.

Yes, this exists. Though I think they’re wrong about the Olympic event.

And if you’re thinking…. that’s great River, but I don’t really care for cereal?

I’ve got your back.

.

.

Pooping Champion Gummies.

.

.

And tea.

You’re welcome.

But if that’s not enough to get you excited about this oh so helpful product? Visit their website and check out the fabulous club you can join.

.

.

Now tell me you don’t want to be a card carrying member of that!

.

Nominations snominations.

 

My slightly twisted, but delightfully so, friend  Masercot  has just nominated me for this:

 

award

 

For which I will be  sticking pins in a doll of his likeness and waiting for parts of him to drop off  eternally grateful.

You know the drill, I have to answer questions.

Thankfully… because he’s twisted, this won’t be the hardship it normally is.

Let’s begin.

If you could choose any historical figure to hold your hair out of the toilet while you drunkenly vomit at a party, who would it be and why?

I’m going to have to go with Lord Byron. The man drank his liquor out of a cup made from a human skull. You have to admire that kind of commitment.

If you HAD to own a pet and it couldn’t be a dog or a cat, to what country would you flee  to escape such a fascist regime. Remember that “Canada” is not an acceptable answer.

Australia…. where my dream pet wombats roam free.

What is your favorite, currently active, credit card number?

Nice try. But you know my only form of currency is tequila. If I can’t buy it with a perfectly mixed margarita? I don’t need it.

You’ve been told you will be allowed to join Trump’s Space Force if you sleep with a Marx Brother and Zeppo is not available. Which do you sleep with and why?

Can’t we just jettison Trump into space and call it good?

If you had to recommend an illegal drug to the youth of America, which drug would it be and how?

Blogging. It’s horribly addicting…. but so satisfying.

Do you think pound cake is overrated?

Only if it weighs 14 ounces.

Do you like Aquaman’s new look or do you prefer the blonde hair and tights?

I actually sat through the entire new Aquaman movie. Sober. Need I say more?

 

In keeping with tradition (and not because I want to force my friends to share the misery that are these never ending awards)  I shall post the rules.

Display the award logo
Thank the blogger who nominated you and post a link to their blog
Answer the questions of the one who nominated you
Nominate some bloggers
Ask them seven questions

 

I will now gleefully nominate:

James  because I had to sit through an entire months worth of Star Wars posts and he owes me.

liveandletthai  since he’s always whining not enough people read his blog and just discovered he can make alcohol from dried hibiscus blossoms. You never know when that will come in handy.

clevergirlwrites  she’s clever, and a girl. We need to stick together.

Boo  because we’ve been blog friends a long time and I like to harass her long distance.

swingedcat  he makes me laugh and posts bison photos. Friends like that are harder to find than you think.

 

My questions:

Would any of you be willing to let a slightly pissed off red squirrel and her children rent a room? The sooner the better, I’m getting hateful looks.

If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner/significant other/blow up girlfriend what would it be, and why?

Can you talk me into eating kale in 50 words or less? I know you can’t, but it will be fun to see you try.

You win an all expense paid trip for two to Antarctica, do you bring a Kardashian or Caitlyn Jenner?

By some strange twist of fate, you’re elected President of the United States in 2020. What’s your first executive order?

And finally, if you’ve made it this far…. why do bloggers feel compelled to keep this award thing going when none of us really like them?

Wait…. what!

You mean I didn’t have to?

Sure, now you tell me.