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Be warned Hallmark, your days are numbered.
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And the humble potato is hammering that final nail in your coffin.
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Nothing says I love you like a Happy Anniversary potato.
Please pass the butter.
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Oh, you versatile spud.
Tag Archives: cards
Valentines Day cards for the rest of us..
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Tired of giving the same old saccharine sweet and sappy Valentines Day card to your other half?
I’ve got you.
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Take that Hallmark!
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I live in Maine. Birthplace and home of Stephen King. It’s perfect!
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I never did like that song.
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If that doesn’t melt their heart, I don’t know what will.
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An unpopular opinion. Don’t sue me…
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Christmas cards started rolling in right after Thanksgiving.
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Lovingly selected and filled with handwritten sentiments of holiday cheer from friends and family scattered across the country, continent and globe.
For some of the cards we receive, it’s the only time of year we’re in contact with the sender. An annual what’s up! and long distance wave.
In an era of instant digital communication, I look forward to this tradition of old school well wishes.
And then, there are these:
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I can hear your snorts of annoyance… but please, a moment.
While I’d love to receive a current picture of you and your family in a Christmas card, I’m not a fan of the photo card in general.
Preprinted holiday greetings with no explanation of whose grandchild is who, why you’re embracing an iguana in a tropical rain forest or who the strange man with the lightning bolt tattoos hovering in the background might be. There’s no handwritten note, no unique flourished signature and Hell, a lot of people even print out their address labels.
You can hate me, but I find them impersonal.
*Disclaimer- to each his own and if you’ve included me on your list and sent me a photo card? I sincerely appreciate the thought and would rather receive one of them than nothing… it’s just my opinion*
So as you curse me for being rude and ungrateful, imagine this –
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Me. Chained to the table for days, hand cramping from writing and addressing cards and envelopes, A through H completed and rubber banded… hoping I can still my flex my fingers by Christmas Day.
🥴
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I am so buying this.
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There’s nothing I like more than having friends over for dinner and drinks and games.
That hasn’t happened for quite some time, because, ya know…. global plague. But it hasn’t stopped me from finding fun things in anticipation of normalcy’s return.
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House of Carbs?
It’s like they know me already.
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Nine drunk bitches?
Damn, I need to check for hidden cameras.
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Fifty shades of gravy?
That describes my Covid lockdown protocol to a T.
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Miscellaneous musings.
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I saw this the other day and was sorely tempted.
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I totally need cherry tomato toting ants.
In other local news….
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Such a neighborly thing to do.
And lately a dip in the pool has been sounding wonderful with temps being hot, hot, hot.
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Of course this is Maine, so while it felt like 104 one morning…
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Two days later it felt like 45.
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I replanted my left over garden bed with geraniums after the baby woodchucks ate all the petunias.
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But not before the little bastards darlings chewed all the leaves off my gay feather.
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At least they left the blooms this time.
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Now I’m wondering what an appropriate beef jerky card message would be.
I wanna hold your ham?
Nice to meat you?
Don’t go bacon my heart.
I have a t-bone to pick with you?
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Don’t be a dik.
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Or a Dik Dik as the case may be.
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Ever since I bought Poetry for Neanderthals from Facebook ( which we still haven’t played because Covid has killed game night with friends ) I’ve been getting ads. Some are interesting, some are ridiculous. I think this one falls into the latter category.
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And while I’m sure having a handful of Slippery Dicks can be delightful, I think I’m probably going to pass on this one.
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I’d like to think my sense of humor is a tad more advanced.
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Though I am blogging about this… so the point might be moot.
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Do you look like your cat?
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Whoever dreamed up this card game is a genius.
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Apparently it’s some kind of memory game…
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But that doesn’t matter.
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Because even though I’ll never play it?
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I adore it!
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I mean really…
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How can you not?
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Did you know….?
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It’s true, I do.
Did you know…
Russian men who wore beards during the reign of Peter of the Great were required to pay a special tax?
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For his sake, I hope the rate was per beard and not per hair.
Did you know…
John Lennon’s first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles?
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I feel like I should comment on that, but it would probably go south quickly so I’ll refrain.
Did you know…
Reindeer have glands between their toes? They leave scent trails for the herd to follow and, wait for it –
It smells like cheese.
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I don’t know about reindeer, but I’d follow the scent of cheese anywhere.
Did you know…
An ostrich’s eye is bigger than it’s brain?
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Sorry big guy, but yes. It’s true.
Did you know….
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great historical king. Spades – King David. Clubs – Alexander the Great. Hearts – Charlemagne. Diamonds – Julius Caesar.
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Did you know…
According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the most difficult tongue twister is :
The sixth sick Sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick.
That didn’t look so hard, until I tried to say it a few times.
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For me? It’s a definite no.
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I recently commented on a blog friend’s post about my dislike of the ever popular photo Christmas card. After voicing my opinion, I was asked “Are you… Scrooge?” To which I answer most emphatically… no!
But for me… the joy of the annual Christmas card exchange is knowing that someone far away, someone I may not have seen for 15 years, someone I don’t communicate with on a regular basis, took the time to sit down and think of me. To actually pick up a pen and jot down a message of holiday cheer…. in good old fashioned ink. In the virtual, digital, and (don’t get me wrong I love my tech) impersonal world in which we live? That still means something.
So when I get cards like this –
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They leave me cold. Want to include a family photo in your card? Great, I’d love to see you and your hoard of grandchildren. But not like this –
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Where I have absolutely no idea who’s who or from which loins they sprung.
Nope. You have to do more than format some photos online and stick it in an envelope with no handwritten signature or bon mots for me to feel that merry tingle.
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Old fashioned? Probably. But then I still send handwritten thank you notes like my momma taught me.
And if I’m the only one who feels this way? So be it. You do you, I’ll do me. My cards and envelopes always have been… and always will be… hand written. And if you’re lucky enough to make the cut on my ever dwindling Christmas card list (deadbeats who haven’t reciprocated in 5 years are history) you won’t get a typewritten letter detailing the mind numbing minutia of my life in the past year. (Do not get me started on those! I neither need, nor want to know the results of your step son’s colonoscopy or how great aunt Edna is dealing with those pesky cysts.) But you will get a few words from someone who thought enough of you to take the time to put pen to paper.
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*Disclaimer – the post to which I refer is this one by Swinged Cat.
And while my dislike of photo cards stands, I’d like to give him a shout out for at least going the extra mile and doing something humorous.
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A Merry Christmas to all.
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Wherever you are and however you choose to celebrate, I hope it brings you joy. There’s been a decided lack of that this year… and I doubt I’m alone when I say I’m ready to kiss 2020 goodbye.
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Our holiday will be small and quiet, and in true 2020 fashion the only thing Santa saw fit to bring me this year was a torrential rain storm with 65 mph winds that will melt the snow, cause a power outage, and make our ceiling spout water like the Bellagio’s fountain. Good times!
But my husband and I have our health… and each other. I can’t ask for more.
So instead of boring you with some sappy Christmas post, I’ll leave you with two pictures.
1. Is it any wonder this was one of the Christmas cards I sent out this year?
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I think not.
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2. A little blast from the past…. yours truly on Santa’s lap.
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It’s the only such photo I have, as my mother told me I ditched St. Nick at a very early age and refused visits after this one. To those who know me well, this shouldn’t come as any surprise.
Ho! Ho! Hmm….
Pass the eggnog.
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River's world..... 