Tag Archives: cards

Don’t be a dik.

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Or a Dik Dik as the case may be.

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Ever since I bought Poetry for Neanderthals from Facebook ( which we still haven’t played because Covid has killed game night with friends ) I’ve been getting ads. Some are interesting, some are ridiculous. I think this one falls into the latter category.

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*Note to self… Google Large Cockchafer*

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And while I’m sure having a handful of Slippery Dicks can be delightful, I think I’m probably going to pass on this one.

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I’d like to think my sense of humor is a tad more advanced.

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Though I am blogging about this… so the point might be moot.

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Did you know….?

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It’s true, I do.

Did you know…

Russian men who wore beards during the reign of Peter of the Great were required to pay a special tax?

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For his sake, I hope the rate was per beard and not per hair.

Did you know…

John Lennon’s first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles?

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thelma

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I feel like I should comment on that, but it would probably go south quickly so I’ll refrain.

Did you know…

Reindeer have glands between their toes? They leave scent trails for the herd to follow and, wait for it –

It smells like cheese.

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I don’t know about reindeer, but I’d follow the scent of cheese anywhere.

Did you know…

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than it’s brain?

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23zeki

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Sorry big guy, but yes. It’s true.

Did you know….

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great historical king. Spades – King David. Clubs – Alexander the Great. Hearts – Charlemagne. Diamonds – Julius Caesar.

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Did you know…

According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the most difficult tongue twister is :

The sixth sick Sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick.

That didn’t look so hard, until I tried to say it a few times.

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For me? It’s a definite no.

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I recently commented on a blog friend’s post about my dislike of the ever popular photo Christmas card. After voicing my opinion, I was asked “Are you… Scrooge?” To which I answer most emphatically… no! 

But for me… the joy of the annual Christmas card exchange is knowing that someone far away, someone I may not have seen for 15 years, someone I don’t communicate with on a regular basis, took the time to sit down and think of me. To actually pick up a pen and jot down a message of holiday cheer…. in good old fashioned ink. In the virtual, digital, and (don’t get me wrong I love my tech) impersonal world in which we live? That still means something.

So when I get cards like this –

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They leave me cold. Want to include a family photo in your card? Great, I’d love to see you and your hoard of grandchildren. But not like this –

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Where I have absolutely no idea who’s who or from which loins they sprung.

Nope. You have to do more than format some photos online and stick it in an envelope with no handwritten signature or bon mots for me to feel that merry tingle.

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Old fashioned? Probably. But then I still send handwritten thank you notes like my momma taught me.

And if I’m the only one who feels this way? So be it. You do you, I’ll do me. My cards and envelopes always have been… and always will be… hand written. And if you’re lucky enough to make the cut on my ever dwindling Christmas card list (deadbeats who haven’t reciprocated in 5 years are history) you won’t get a typewritten letter detailing the mind numbing minutia of my life in the past year. (Do not get me started on those! I neither need, nor want to know the results of your step son’s colonoscopy or how great aunt Edna is dealing with those pesky cysts.) But you will get a few words from someone who thought enough of you to take the time to put pen to paper.

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*Disclaimer – the post to which I refer is this one by Swinged Cat.

And while my dislike of photo cards stands, I’d like to give him a shout out for at least going the extra mile and doing something humorous.

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A Merry Christmas to all.

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Wherever you are and however you choose to celebrate, I hope it brings you joy. There’s been a decided lack of that this year… and I doubt I’m alone when I say I’m ready to kiss 2020 goodbye.

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Our holiday will be small and quiet, and in true 2020 fashion the only thing Santa saw fit to bring me this year was a torrential rain storm with 65 mph winds that will melt the snow, cause a power outage, and make our ceiling spout water like the Bellagio’s fountain. Good times!

But my husband and I have our health… and each other. I can’t ask for more.

So instead of boring you with some sappy Christmas post, I’ll leave you with two pictures.

1. Is it any wonder this was one of the Christmas cards I sent out this year?

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I think not.

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2. A little blast from the past…. yours truly on Santa’s lap.

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It’s the only such photo I have, as my mother told me I ditched St. Nick at a very early age and refused visits after this one. To those who know me well, this shouldn’t come as any surprise.

Ho! Ho! Hmm….

Pass the eggnog.

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You know I have to share these things.

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I do. Even though I’m sure you’d rather I didn’t.

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Yes, this exists. Though I think they’re wrong about the Olympic event.

And if you’re thinking…. that’s great River, but I don’t really care for cereal?

I’ve got your back.

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Pooping Champion Gummies.

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And tea.

You’re welcome.

But if that’s not enough to get you excited about this oh so helpful product? Visit their website and check out the fabulous club you can join.

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Now tell me you don’t want to be a card carrying member of that!

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Pandemic humor.

 

Because it’s not over yet and laughter is still the only medicine.

 

 

Okay ladies, who’s with me?

 

 

I hope this was helpful.

Personally, I’ve never been peed on…. but you can never be too careful.

 

 

Fess up.

Which one of you morons did this and cursed us all?

 

 

Corona like a Viking!

Sword optional.

 

 

So take one for the team.

If I have to wear a bra in public, it’s the least you can do.

Products worth a second look.

 

 

 

Does anyone need a banana phone?

No.

But buy one and save a gorilla just the same.

 

 

 

A must for Star Wars fanatics.

Yes James,  I’m talking to you.

 

 

 

Cake.

On a stick.

Need I say more?

 

 

I’m not sure my bar game could possibly be more up, but bottles of gin are definitely my favorite DIY.

 

 

While I take umbrage at the horrible people designation (I’ve always thought of myself as just slightly awful) this is one seriously  bawdy, provocative, risqué  fun party game.

Does it surprise you to know I have all 6 expansion packs?

 

 

It shouldn’t.

So if you like  raunchy, crude, earthy  blue humor?

Give it a try.

Pandemic humor.

 

Because we all still need a laugh.

 

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Now that’s just rude.

 

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This looks like a great idea since I always whup the husband at gin rummy and he won’t play with me anymore.

*Note to self – borrow neighbor’s rooster*

 

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I really do miss traveling.

Even if it’s just to the next town.

 

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Indeed.

 

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Yeah.

Gwyneth  (correct spelling)  can bite me.

( Did I already post this one? Maybe… but the sentiment holds true. )

 

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Cats.

They think they know everything. It happens to be tequila.

Stuff it Mittens.

 

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Jesus… neither do I!

We’re doomed.