.
When I bought this calendar I thought it would be rife with blog fodder, but sadly… it’s not sad enough and I’ve had to wait an entire month for a worthy example.
.
.
So after a long absence, I bring you the fly.
.
.
I’m sure Jeff Goldblum didn’t have this problem.
.
.
Next up is mice.
.
.
Eat twenty times a day and still keep my girlish figure? Where do I sign up..
.
.
.
If you know me, you know I’d walk a mile for a good cannoli. (Okay, who are we kidding… with my bad knee? I’d drive, but that didn’t sound nearly as dramatic.)
And now? It looks like I’ll have to drive an hour.
.
.
Yes boys and girls, it’s true. A small Italian market in Portland will now be carrying Modern Pastry’s ever so scrumptious tubular slices of heaven.
.
.
Mike’s? Don’t even bother, it’s Modern all the way.
.
.
There’s a reason Clemenza chose pastry over firepower, and trust me… it’s Modern.
.
.
Dipped shell, Chantilly cream filling with chocolate chips. Be still my heart.
❤️
.
.
This week, my headlines were full of questions….. and I’m counting on you to provide some answers.
.
.
I once ate a chocolate covered grasshopper. Unknowingly, because I was a child at my father’s office party and the buffet table that was laden with caviar, oysters and foie gras held absolutely no appeal. I saw chocolate. I ate chocolate. I was immediately sorry and spit the crunchy chocolate into a napkin. When I saw the chocolate had legs? I may have screamed. Needless to say that was the last Wall Street brokerage firm party I ever attended.
.
.
This must be a trick question. It contends that people acquire whiskey and fail to drink it. This does not compute.
.
.
I have to admit I’ve never thought about this….. but damn. I’m hoping my brain dies with me. The thought that I’ll be navigating the afterlife without one while my brain is still here contemplating the mysteries of life (The Yeti… missing link or just Nick Nolte after a particularly rough weekend? Justin Bieber…. they say he’s Canadian, but I’m thinking alien life form. Jimmy Hoffa… is he really dead, or just kicking back in Boca enjoying the early bird special at Golden Corral? ) is quite troubling.
.
.
Tough call, right?
.
.
A melting and refreezing winter means ice. And ice means icicles.
.
.
I don’t know why, but this one downspout on the edge of our garage always puts on a show.
.
.
A few years back we measured it at four and a half feet. Of course come spring, all that melting and freezing will yield this:
.
.
And that’s not nearly as much fun.
.
.
I still haven’t discovered where the local emus are hiding, but from the price of those eggs I’m thinking maybe we should start raising them. $15 a pop? Yikes!
.
.
It’s like Facebook doesn’t know me at all.
.
.
A Spam cookbook? No one needs to see that.
.
.
Is it really harder? This woman got it right with straw bug.
.
.
And clearly this one is bug boy. Easy peasy.
.
.
Why does Facebook think I need a third breast? And plus size to boot.
Why….
.
.
What passes for news these days is beyond ridiculous.
.
.
I neither know nor care what the Rock eats for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. However, if you find a chunk of quartz that eats three squares a day? Now there’s an article I’ll read.
.
.
Hold on… what?
.
.
There you have it. Proof you can earn a living wage without a college education.
.
.
When the headline promises to reveal the number one ice cream in the US? I pay attention. But damn, look how small that container is.
.
.
That’s not my normal type of pint, but with flavors like that I’d be sorely tempted to switch.
.
.
No, I really won’t. Cut flowers are lovely but I will not be sharing my Grey Goose with a bouquet of tulips anytime soon.
.
.
Mainers. We’re known for being down to earth no nonsense folk. Frugal? You betcha. So with gas prices on the rise? I wouldn’t be surprised to see more of this alternative form of transportation my friend photographed at the beach the other day.
.
.
It may be slower, but it’s certainly green.
Now how fun is this? Real life Dr. Seuss furniture!
.
.
There was big news in my town today.
.
.
Moxie is back! Introduced in 1876 and still going strong, it’s an acquired taste you either love or hate. Think bitter herbal medicine meets Coca Cola. As the old saying goes, it will put hair on your chest.
.
.
My mind is officially blown.
.
.
In my continuing attempt to bring you all the weirdest products and gift ideas on the planet … may I introduce the raindrop cake?
.
.
Imagine serving that at your next dinner party.
.
.
My mind is apparently a very dark place, because when I first saw this picture? I didn’t think mountain climbing.
Nope. Not even close.
.
.
I’ll say this just once. If you’re buying me a birthday gift? A Christmas gift? Or worse yet a wedding anniversary gift? It had better not be a box of vegetables.
.
.
And if you do, this product might be coming your way shortly after.
.
.
My husband has a weakness for health food stores. Does he eat healthy? Not unless I force him, but he loves to stroll the weird item laden aisles all the same.
.
.
Whipped cream or whipped rice? That’s a no brainer for me, but I suppose someone might buy that sorry excuse of a substitute.
.
.
I really wanted to buy this bizarre looking fruit… But the husband balked at the price. Good grief, it’s named after a hand.
.
.
If that isn’t worth a little extra scratch I don’t know what is.
.
.
He’ll bitch about high prices but then go get a ridiculously small container of freshly churned peanut butter. Probably because he knows I won’t eat it.
.
.
Worst waste of money that day? This cleverly marketed bag of dried fruit. I love kiwi, so I bought it.
.
.
They weren’t lying, it’s ugly. And completely unpeeled. Who the hell wants to eat that!
.
.
Have you ever given any thought to spaghetti? It’s not my favorite dish, but the husband loves it so I have to cook it more often than I’d prefer.
.
.
Now I can’t stop thinking about all that back and forth. Ridiculous, no?
.
.
Lord Dudley Mountcatten was cackling up a storm the other day. And no.. my windows are not normally that dirty, but the poor cat was positively drooling.
.
.
That little red bitch is such a tease.
.
.
The mere mention of Baby Shark has set that awful tune playing in my head again. If they’re going to roll out another equally as terrifying ear worm? We’re all doomed.
.
River's world..... 