Tag Archives: headlines

News you can’t use. .. the critter edition.

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Because the critters deserve equal time.

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I don’t know about you, but I could name a few people whose relentless sex drive gets them in trouble as well.

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Proof positive governments will tax anything and everything.

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Permanent physical fusion”? Imagine if that had happened to you on that blind date back in the ‘90’s?

Oh, the horror.

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A parasite that doesn’t grow a pair of balls until after he’s attached to you?

I think we’ve all dated that guy at one time or another.

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News you can’t use.

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Unless you need a laugh that is.

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Bears.

They’re just like us.

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I’m not a gamer, and I’m absolutely not a zombie fan but I stumbled on this HBO series and am enjoying it despite myself. The fact that it could actually happen? Makes me wish I’d turned the channel.

😳

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I’ve been saying this for years.

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Which will kill us first? Fungus or AI?

The race is on.

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Cute. But if the batfish ate the fungus? I might be a little more excited.

😉

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News you can’t use.

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Or want, but I’m posting it anyway.

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And TSA is worried about my shampoo bottle? Geesh.

This next headline falls under the category ‘you know you’re a redneck when’….

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Because nothing says I’ll love you forever like a Chicken McNugget.

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Stop drooling Mark. I doubt your new neighbors would approve.

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If their pasta recipes include footwear? I’m going to pass….

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News you can’t use.

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Because the world is filled with crazy headlines.

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It could be…. but it won’t.

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Is $11,500 too high a price for an air dried tush? I’m going with yes.

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I wondered why I couldn’t find any spinach at the grocery store this week. Mystery solved.

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The very definition of unusable news.

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Take two turds and call me in the morning?

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Imagine the black market possibilities here. Street corner conversations between dealer and buyer will be epic.

🤣

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News you can’t use.

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Because the world is a ridiculous place.

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This does not surprise me in the least.

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Men have been obsessed with their one eyed trouser snake since the dawn of time, and now we have proof.

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Why this particular fellow thought his penis would be an appropriate weapon against a charging leopard…. I’m sure I don’t know.

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I can just hear the hippo now… “needs salt”.

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And in case you’re in the mood to let the girls run free?

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Get thee to Cape Cod and jump on a ferry.

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Nantucket winters can be a bit brisk, so be careful you don’t take anyone’s eye out with a quick turn.

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Now there’s something you don’t see everyday.

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News you can’t use… and some that doesn’t bear thinking about.

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Get ready for a bit of ick factor in the headlines this week.

You’ve been warned.

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I don’t care if it cuts the water bill out completely, I’m not doing it.

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Oh, holy hell. There’s a topic I never gave a second, no less first, thought.

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Jet propelled poop?

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Excuse me while I go throw up.

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It’s statements like these that make me realize how marvelously out of touch I am.

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Well isn’t that just peachy.

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Watch out gentlemen. You may like the fact she makes more money than you, but that luxury comes with a price.

🤣

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News you can’t use.

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Another year, another collection of ridiculous headlines.

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Now that’s rude.

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On second thought, that bypasses rude and is rapidly approaching psychotic.

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Because you were dying to know.

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Is it me, or is a grown man referring to his member as a pee pee a bit odd?

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That is a man who seriously loves his wife.

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Thanks for sharing Jenna.

Not.

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Groaning… from the bad pun and the over the top eyelashes.

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News you can’t use.

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Think of me as the anti Walter Cronkite.

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And I thought I had trouble finding shoes because of a bunion. Damn!

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Nothing says down to earth Royal like a couple of hens.

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Proof positive there is such a thing as too much tech.

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Do I need to feel like I’m competitive skiing while voiding my bowels? No. I do not…

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Sorry night owls, you’ll have to get up with us early birds if you want to top our Trivial Pursuit scores.

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