Tag Archives: plants

They’re just screwing with me now.

 

The woodchucks.

 

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Adorable, but hungry.

And there’s no rhyme or reason to what they’ll eat.

This echinacea?

 

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Stripped to a stalk the same day I planted it.

They devoured it before I could even get a picture, and if you know me? You know that’s fast.

 

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This candy cane Dianthus? Nope. They left it alone.

The exact same plant on the other side of the garden bed?

 

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A mere shadow of itself.

WTF?

So when it came time to replant the bed I had removed the woodchuck chewed mallow from, I went to the experts and got a list.

 

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A list of woodchuck proof flowers they were guaranteed not to eat.

Blanket flower? Check!

 

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Planted two, they haven’t touched them.

 

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(Please note dianthus is on the list and we all know how that turned out.)

Foxglove? Check!

 

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They literally took one bite and ran.

Good thing since it’s the source of  digitalis.

 

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Last on the list? Yarrow.

If you’ve ever had deer nibble your gardens to a nub, you know they hate yarrow.

Every critter hates yarrow…. so I planted yarrow.

 

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So…..

Yeah.

 

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The little buggers are screwing with me.

There’s no other explanation.

 

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And look at that belly…

They’re getting fat doing it!

 

 

Do you ever feel like you’re being watched?

 

On a late afternoon trip to Home Depot for baby barn supplies….and okay, maybe a plant or two…. we were desperately hungry and hit the McDonalds drive thru.

If you know how much we hate McDonalds, you’ll know how desperately hungry we were.

 

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Geranium perched between my legs, we scarfed down the  (is this supposed to be edible?)  food.

And while we were doing that?

 

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They gathered.

 

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One  by one, on both sides… as well as in the front and the back.

Not wanting to re-create a Tippi Hendren phone booth scene, we ate quickly and fled.

I love my town….

 

And their slightly off balance Facebook page.

 

 

 

Not off hand, no.

But I hope he finds one. Pigless is a terrible thing to be.

 

 

 

This picture of our local sheriff’s truck was posted by a resident.

Because really, who needs blue lights when you have a chicken?

 

 

 

 

This post was met with the incredulity and the scathing derision it deserved . Reveal your fiddlehead location? To a stranger!!

Mainers have been killed for less.

Fiddleheads are a precious ($15-$20 per pound) and extremely fleeting commodity in the spring. Locals protect their secret gathering spots like they do their virgin daughters. Personally I can’t stand the slimy things…

 

 

 

But Mainers go berserk for them.

And speaking of barely edible food, some well meaning townie posted this:

 

 

 

Now really, if I’m not going to eat the delicate unfurled leaves of a fern?

You can damn sure bet I’m not baking helicopter seed pods that look like bugs.

Damn.

It felt good to play in the dirt, until….

 

Spring has been a long time coming and I’m way behind on my garden work.

By this time I’ve usually got all the beds cleaned out and a few flowers blooming.

This year?

I’ve got weeds.

 

 

And random spikey things.

 

 

I spent 3 hours today getting rid of both.

 

 

I also reseated the brick border and tackled a bit of the bush from Hell.

 

 

If anyone ever asks if you want a flowering quince? Run.

Run far, and fast.

Preferably after you punch them in the throat for suggesting it in the first place.

Ours was here when we moved in and we’ve been battling it ever since. It grows over the roof each season and has roots that are 300 friggin’ feet deep. We’ve tried to dig it up, burn it out and hack it down to nubs numerous times.

I believe it likes the challenge….. and comes back stronger every time.

 

 

Did I mention it’s also full of thorns?

 

 

Good times.

I did 6 beds in the back and on the side of the house and felt good….

 

 

Until….

 

 

I turned over a brick and disturbed an ant nest. Within seconds those little suckers were crawling all over me and I had to run for a hose.

I rinsed most of them off but not before a few crawled up my pant leg.

 

 

Sadly, yes…. there were.

And the little bastards bit me too.

You’re never too old to learn… Succulent Picture Frame.

 

Gather round students…. the Maine  is this for real?  Adult Education classes continue.

If you live in Maine  you can learn some wonderful things. So far in this riveting series we’ve had:

 

You’re never too old to learn…. Spoons.

You’re never to old to learn…. Potatoes.

You’re never too old to learn…. Ukulele

You’re never too old to learn…. Chakra Toning.

You’re never too old to learn…. Mindfulness.

You’re never to old to learn…. Tin Cans.

You’re never too old to learn…. Knotweed Flutes.

 

And today we continue with Succulent Picture Frames.

(Disclaimer – This class does not require sucking. But I think that’s offered at PT’s Showclub in Portland.)

 

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Course description:

Succulent Picture Frame 

Having live plants around as we transition into fall will brighten every day and beautify your home. You will set up your own succulent picture frame with a variety of plants to create your own living art! You will also receive instruction on how to care for this gorgeous creation to enjoy it all year long. The price of the course includes all materials to make one succulent picture frame. Materials fee of $60 included in the price of the course. No discounts.

 

A frame. Made out of plants.

My first question is why?

Don’t get me wrong, I love plants… they’re beautiful and versatile.

 

 

As well as great disguises when you’re stalking an ex.

 

 

They can even rid your house of pesky flies… I get it.

 

 

Though we all know that can go horribly wrong…

 

 

But hell, I can hardly be bothered to dust my current picture frames, now they want me to water one?

No.

Because while I have lovely outdoor gardens, and a house full of healthy green leafy plants?

I will kill each and every succulent I touch.

 

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I must over water….. or love them too much.

Because yes, apparently that’s a thing.

 

 

So if I want my walls to be covered in framed plants?

 

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I’ll just dye my cobwebs green and call it good.

 

 

 

Some garden fluff.

 

Japanese Iris season.

 

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I like it.

 

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The butterflies like it.

 

 

 

Life is good.

I also like shopping at ginormous greenhouses.

 

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Rows upon rows of blooming beauty.

 

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The colors.

 

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The pointy planters.

 

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The endless succulents.

It doesn’t suck is what I’m saying…. and I always come home with a car load.

 

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And yes, there’s that.

This particular greenhouse even had a Dr. Seuss tree.

 

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And something called a Sensitive Plant that I couldn’t stop touching.

 

 

Have you seen these things?

They’re bizarre.

Touch them, and they cringe like Melania when Donald rolls over in bed.

 

 

But I didn’t buy one because…. let’s face it, it has to be touched. And I’d never get anything done if I sat around touching my plant all day now would I?

 

 

And while I’m sure some of my readers have a similar problem?

Please…

Try to refrain from sharing.

There are some mental images I just don’t need.

 

Nursery chuckles and organic weed control.

 

I’ve never met a flower I didn’t like, so I never pass a nursery without stopping in to check out the new arrivals.

The other day?

This made me laugh.

 

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Best name for manured soil…

Evah!

 

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And then there was this little succulent…

 

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Who clearly wanted a hug.

 

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When I got home that afternoon and saw all the dandelions popping up on our lawn, I lamented the fact that we don’t use chemicals for weed control.

But then I saw this out our bedroom window.

 

 

 

Bless his little Chucker heart.

He wandered around and ate every bloom he saw.

Suck on that Monsanto!

 

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I knew it!

 

 

Because I’m a very technical gardener.

 

My back is breaking, but the annual planting of annuals is done.

(See what I did there? Word play. I live for that shit.)

 

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A nice combination of pink and white for the stone wall bed.

 

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There’s this pretty daisy-ish one…

 

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And the pink tinged green leafy thingies.

 

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(See what I mean by technical?

Please try to keep up with the detailed scientific plant descriptions.

There may be a quiz.)

 

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I liked this purple violet thingamabob…

 

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So I planted 3 with a couple of petunias.

 

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A few coleus for the only little plot of shade we have.

 

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It will be a miracle if I can keep the slugs off them this year.

I plant, they eat. Slimy little bastards…

Note to self – buy more salt.

 

 

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Orange lilies…

 

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Spikey purple whatchamacallit, an impatient and two soft fuzzy green mounds.

 

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I don’t think the fuzzies bloom…

 

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But they’re silky, delicate and sweet, so I don’t care.

 

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Every year the husband says he’s going to tear down our rotting shed, and every year he doesn’t, so I plant yellow and orange stuff in front of it.

Like this whozit which has both.

 

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If you can recite all the Latin names for those plants?

Bravo.

I tend to read them on the tags at the nursery and then forget them as soon as I get home.

 

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That won’t work.

I don’t know enough rappers.

 

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That’s better.

I do love me some Cleese.