Tag Archives: plants

Recent additions to the Barn Mahal.


After thoroughly whipping my other half in a marathon Scrabble session in the barn last weekend, I took a good look around.



And realized what an amazing storage building filled with absolute crap ….



To seriously alcoholcentric man cave transformation we had wrought.



Yay us.

And to this glorious rustic palace of play? I added a few new things.



Because if there was ever a more perfect place for my fully operational spastic poop drone… I don’t know where it could be.



To the bar, I added an acrylic box of appropriately themed cocktail napkins.



Each more true than the last.



Alongside the napkins there are now swizzle sticks.



Some are shaped like twigs in honor of their origin.



And some are shaped like jazz hands… because it’s just delightfully creepy.


And since no man cave with a bar should be without them?



Hair spray and a comb to repair follicle damage the walk from our wind blown house wreaks on my unruly tresses.

And if you’re cringing over that addition gentlemen?




I also added a plant.

Granted, it’s a just small succulent…. but I believe my eventual takeover of the premises is progressing quite nicely.



Last minute Christmas gifts for the weirdos on your list.


For those friends who like to play in the dirt?



Pencils. They’re not just for chewing anymore…



I thought this next one was cute.



But realized I might be attacked by that hungry red squirrel bitch and had to pass.



Yoga dice?

How am I supposed to play craps if a winning roll is downward facing dog.



I see the appeal here.



We’re building a barn bar and the husband has been known to tick me off.




Because an internal kind message will take the sting out of an F Bomb gift.



And finally there’s jewelry.



Because no woman can resist a man who gives her turd themed bling.


The rodent revolution has begun.


It was bound to happen. You can’t evict multiple families of vermin over the course of a summer and not expect retribution.

The other day? I spotted this:




Do you see it?




It didn’t look impressive, just a weed growing in the gutter. But when I asked the husband to grab a ladder and remove it?



We realized it was more like a potted plant.



With a large amount of potting soil.



Half of the down spout was packed with dirt and had to be removed.



Shaken heartily.



And unclogged with a screwdriver.



Piles of lovely dark potting soil were packed in there for what I can only surmise were nefarious purposes.

It was momma red squirrel, I know it.



That bitch has been plotting her revenge ever since I chased her children out of the eaves. And if you think a rodent revolution is ridiculous?



History disagrees.


My favorite kind of sale!


When the local nursery has a half price and buy one get one free sale in July?




You fill the back of your car.




Find room for some in an already full bed.




And replant the pots that your resident woodchucks munched to stalks.




Hopefully with flowers they don’t like.




And when the nursery extends the sale to the end of the month?

You go back again.




And cram even more flowers in a bed that’s already full just because you can.




While a red squirrel watches.

When you’re done?

You sit back on the barn porch and enjoy an adult beverage before dinner.




And watch the old doe walk up to have a snack.




Life is good.

Because it made me laugh.


So for the past few weeks the half dead mallows that the woodchucks munched to nubs have been soaking up Miracle Grow and sun on my deck table.

They’re coming along, but it’s slow going.

Completely out of reach of little mouths and teeth, they might have a chance.

So when I looked out the window the other day and saw momma woodchuck sniffing around the deck….




Eyeing the plants and poised for action….




I had to laugh.




Stretch all you want.




You and your buck teeth can’t reach them!

Neener, neener.

They’re just screwing with me now.


The woodchucks.




Adorable, but hungry.

And there’s no rhyme or reason to what they’ll eat.

This echinacea?




Stripped to a stalk the same day I planted it.

They devoured it before I could even get a picture, and if you know me? You know that’s fast.




This candy cane Dianthus? Nope. They left it alone.

The exact same plant on the other side of the garden bed?




A mere shadow of itself.


So when it came time to replant the bed I had removed the woodchuck chewed mallow from, I went to the experts and got a list.




A list of woodchuck proof flowers they were guaranteed not to eat.

Blanket flower? Check!




Planted two, they haven’t touched them.




(Please note dianthus is on the list and we all know how that turned out.)

Foxglove? Check!




They literally took one bite and ran.

Good thing since it’s the source of  digitalis.




Last on the list? Yarrow.

If you’ve ever had deer nibble your gardens to a nub, you know they hate yarrow.

Every critter hates yarrow…. so I planted yarrow.


IMG_4417 (2)







The little buggers are screwing with me.

There’s no other explanation.




And look at that belly…

They’re getting fat doing it!



Do you ever feel like you’re being watched?


On a late afternoon trip to Home Depot for baby barn supplies….and okay, maybe a plant or two…. we were desperately hungry and hit the McDonalds drive thru.

If you know how much we hate McDonalds, you’ll know how desperately hungry we were.




Geranium perched between my legs, we scarfed down the  (is this supposed to be edible?)  food.

And while we were doing that?




They gathered.




One  by one, on both sides… as well as in the front and the back.

Not wanting to re-create a Tippi Hendren phone booth scene, we ate quickly and fled.

I love my town….


And their slightly off balance Facebook page.




Not off hand, no.

But I hope he finds one. Pigless is a terrible thing to be.




This picture of our local sheriff’s truck was posted by a resident.

Because really, who needs blue lights when you have a chicken?





This post was met with the incredulity and the scathing derision it deserved . Reveal your fiddlehead location? To a stranger!!

Mainers have been killed for less.

Fiddleheads are a precious ($15-$20 per pound) and extremely fleeting commodity in the spring. Locals protect their secret gathering spots like they do their virgin daughters. Personally I can’t stand the slimy things…




But Mainers go berserk for them.

And speaking of barely edible food, some well meaning townie posted this:




Now really, if I’m not going to eat the delicate unfurled leaves of a fern?

You can damn sure bet I’m not baking helicopter seed pods that look like bugs.


It felt good to play in the dirt, until….


Spring has been a long time coming and I’m way behind on my garden work.

By this time I’ve usually got all the beds cleaned out and a few flowers blooming.

This year?

I’ve got weeds.



And random spikey things.



I spent 3 hours today getting rid of both.



I also reseated the brick border and tackled a bit of the bush from Hell.



If anyone ever asks if you want a flowering quince? Run.

Run far, and fast.

Preferably after you punch them in the throat for suggesting it in the first place.

Ours was here when we moved in and we’ve been battling it ever since. It grows over the roof each season and has roots that are 300 friggin’ feet deep. We’ve tried to dig it up, burn it out and hack it down to nubs numerous times.

I believe it likes the challenge….. and comes back stronger every time.



Did I mention it’s also full of thorns?



Good times.

I did 6 beds in the back and on the side of the house and felt good….






I turned over a brick and disturbed an ant nest. Within seconds those little suckers were crawling all over me and I had to run for a hose.

I rinsed most of them off but not before a few crawled up my pant leg.



Sadly, yes…. there were.

And the little bastards bit me too.