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Yesterday it was 62 degrees, this morning it was minus 3.
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Yesterday we had deer nibbling on green grass, today we’re shoveling snow.
Yesterday we grilled lamb chops and ate lunch on the deck.
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Today?
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I don’t think we will.
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Another attempt at winter cat walking was made this week. The husband bundled up against the chill and Lord Dudley Mountcatten happily donned his harness for an excursion into the wilds of our backyard. All was proceeding nicely …
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Until we opened the door and the cold air hit his pansy ass feline self.
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At which point he turned tail and jumped right on the heating pad.
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His Lordship is most definitely a fair weather beast.
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The husband and I stopped into a local seafood place the other day for a drink and a bite.
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The bartender whipped me up a few fabulous Snowy White Cosmopolitans…
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And somehow we got to chatting about cats. A few cocktails in I was talking about putting the harness and leash on Dudley and told the bartender that as soon as I said “walkies!” in my best falsetto… he came running. She looked at me oddly, so I explained the origin of the term.
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Barbara was a British dog trainer who had a show on PBS in the 80’s. When I mentioned her name, the bartender didn’t have a clue. Which is when I apparently insulted her by saying “You remember that show”. I truly thought she would, because ya know… we looked about the same age and she had previously commiserated with me about hot flashes. Turns out she wasn’t my age, not even close and she was less than pleased I thought so.
It was then that I realized I had broken the age old drinking rule… never piss off the bartender.
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It’s a good thing she’d delivered my crab quesadillas before my I let loose my poisoned comment.
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But clearly we’ll never be able to go back to this establishment. Which is a shame because it was a fun place, complete with an “I prefer my pets” love meter sangria dispenser…
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And an outboard motor kegerator.
Me and my big liquored up mouth. It will never learn.
🥴
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Sometimes things look a little different in my state.
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Don’t knock it, you can carry quite a few six packs in that bucket.
Some of our locals are poets.
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The benefit of living in a small rural town filled with farms? Our food pantry is always well stocked for those less fortunate.
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Maine is on a temperature roller coaster right now.
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I swear I’m getting whiplash.
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But still…
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Life is good.
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I live in Maine, Land of Lobster. We catch it, we eat it, we export it, we celebrate it with festivals. Hell, we’ve built an entire tourist industry around it.
The one thing we don’t do with it? Relieve menstrual cramps.
Yet someone, somewhere thought they should.
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Meet the Menstruation Crustacean.
Jesus wept.
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Lobsters are a lot of things…. long lived, bottom dwelling, quick swimming, and delicious in drawn butter.
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But cuddly?
Cuddly doesn’t make the top ten.
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Yes, this lobster abomination can hold tampons in its claws.
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Something I have to admit I’ve never seen ours do.
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My girlfriend and I went shopping last week and were excited to discover a new Cajun seafood restaurant had opened in South Portland. Mouth watering for shrimp ettouffe or crawfish gumbo, we entered The Shaking Crab.
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Why was the crab shaking? I have no idea. But the place being nearly empty at the height of the lunch hour should have been our first clue something wasn’t quite right.
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Six dollar drinks went a long way to calm our suspicions…
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Though the Cajuns I’ve known wouldn’t be caught dead drinking a watermelon-tini.
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Giant plastic crabs were everywhere. As were plastic starfish and randomly placed hanging plastic water bubbles.
All the waitstaff were Asian. 9/10ths of the customers were Asian. The scent of the room was reminiscent of an Asian kitchen. The menu? Not an ettouffe, Boudin, or jambalaya in sight.
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Though you could order “coleslow” and “braccoli ”. (These appeared twice, spelled incorrectly both times.) I didn’t bother taking pictures of our meals, they were just typical fried seafood baskets as the only other choices were giant plates of steamed things in a plastic wrap bubble you had to crack, and we didn’t feel like making a mess. I did try to catch a shot of one being delivered to another table, but missed.
Imagine a giant Jiffy Pop balloon encircling a metal dish, only its clear plastic instead of foil. It was an absolutely bizarre presentation of what I’m assuming was meant to be a crawfish boil.
I lived down south. I had Cajun friends and neighbors. I’ve sucked heads. Whatever The Shaking Crab meant to be? It sure as hell wasn’t Cajun.
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A jellyfish martini glass?
Yes please!
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I may be speaking for myself, but a good Camembert does more for my soul than Jesus ever has.
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Why did I ever stop drinking lemon drops? A recent visit to our favorite restaurant found me sitting next to two women of a certain age, one of whom was celebrating a birthday. They were drinking lemon drop martinis, so I did as well. It’s all about solidarity.
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Best name for a spaghetti sauce, ever.
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Remember the rat who showed up and dug a tunnel to our wood shed. The one whose demise I sadly had to hasten? He’s been gone for quite some time now, but it seems another pesky rodent has taken over his ratty super highway.
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Yes. It’s her. The red bitch we’ve been evicting for the past year and a half.
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It shouldn’t surprise me.
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She’s a resourceful little witch.
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But it does make me wonder how she disposed of the previous tenant’s remains …
😳
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I live in Maine and I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say we hate CMP. Central Maine Power is the primary electric company in my area and if you want to start a bar fight? Loudly state how much you admire them.
Prices rise on what seems to be a daily basis and every time a wombat sneezes in Australia? Our power is knocked out.
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This does not endear the company to the natives and the fact that everyone’s bill will be going up by 1/3rd starting in February… guarantees I’m going to be one very angry native.
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Of course CMP has sent extremely polite letters to all their customers stating it’s not their fault, that they only deliver the power and we should be mad at the suppliers instead. But the last bill I received looked a lot like this…
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So as far as I’m concerned CMP can suck it.
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P.S. Just received my new bill. It went from $216 to $324. As predicted, I am not happy.
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My girlfriend and I had a long overdue day of thrift store shopping recently. I’ve missed that. Good company, a nice lunch and of course, a few laughs.
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I know nothing about yoga and have never tried it but if you’re so inclined, please tell me…. are bubbles required?
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Because my behind is round enough without bubbles and puckers thank you very much.
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I always cruise Goodwill’s book section. Sadly along with every other damn thing lately, the prices have doubled. Books I used to buy for $3 are now $6-7. Still cheaper than buying new…. unless you’re this particular book of course. $7.98 new, $9.00 at Goodwill. Not much of a bargain there.
🥴
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Protein bars with attitude.
And then there’s this last treasure. I didn’t buy it because my kitchen is already crammed with dozens of cookbooks I never use.
But damn…
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It would have made a great gag gift someday.
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River's world..... 