Tag Archives: news

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News you can’t use.

26 Comments

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Or maybe you can. Who am I to judge?

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Unbearable heat. Sink holes that can swallow your house. Hurricanes. Anacondas and boa constrictors in the waterways. Now there are giant snails? Makes me glad I’m at the other end of I-95.

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Did she hide them in her hair? If so, it’s easy to see how she got away with it for so long….

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This guy had a period for 20 years and didn’t know it. Bloating and homicidal mood swings weren’t enough to make him wonder?

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This doesn’t surprise me at all. Matter of fact, I’ve known a few guys like that myself…

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Miscellaneous silliness

32 Comments

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Because we all need a little more silly in our lives.

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I’ve had my share of asshole plants. Matter of fact, I’m looking at one right now.

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See it up there taunting me? Scraggly, half dead. Yellow and brown tipped leaves so I don’t know if it has too much water or not enough. What a jerk. And talk about a misnomer. It’s called a Philippine money tree but hasn’t dropped a single 20 dollar bill on me in the 5 years he’s lived here… the rat bastard.

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Umm… far be it for me to argue with granny, but that doesn’t look like a lady to me. Check your ad copy nana. He doesn’t need a bra as much as a girdle.

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Unexpected? How hard is it to chop celery for heavens sake.

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When they’re right, they’re right.

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Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

18 Comments

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Because it’s so much more interesting than news you can.

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That’s good to know. I’m tired of worrying about Covid anyway.

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Why the alarm? I think they sound perfectly delightful.

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Yes, I’m here to tell you first hand… it most definitely is happening. On the plus side, this is the first time I’ve been glad I came up allergic to lobster 9 years ago.

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Of course she did. I would expect nothing less.

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Mr. Happy? How can you tell….

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And is it me…. or is this one of those owners who starts to resemble their pet?

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News you can’t use.

15 Comments

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In the continuing makeup inspired by weird things trend…

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Chocolate scented nail polish? Ewww. Who needs random people trying to lick your fingertips in the Covid era.

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This makes me even more reticent to go down in the husband’s crap filled cellar. There no telling what’s been living down there….

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Real estate has always been astronomical in my state but the recent inflation in the housing market is now completely out of control.

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As far as I’m concerned there’s only one mistake. Eating it.

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At this point, a Mats car is probably easier to book than anything from Hertz or Avis.

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News you can’t use.

30 Comments

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Because the nightly news is too depressing and hate filled.

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I shop at Goodwill all the time. Closest I’ve ever come to art is Elvis on velvet and dogs playing poker.

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I don’t eat Cup Noodles, why in the world would I want to paint my face or nails to match?

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When you have a head that looks like you’re constantly flipping someone off, it pays to look surprised.

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Guest house might be stretching it, but boy… I wish these had been for sale when my MIL was alive.

🤣

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News you can’t use.

24 Comments

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Because I live for odd headlines.

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If they’re anything like Twinkies, I’m sure they still tasted fine.

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Yes, in 1945 American GI’s liberated a little girl’s birthday cake along with Italy. She looks quite happy now, so I guess what they say is true… it’s never too late for cake.

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While we welcome all wild visitors for a nosh at Casa River … this makes me glad I don’t live in Florida.

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Is this really a gift? I’m going with no.

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Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

26 Comments

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Because I prefer news that makes me laugh.

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This would be my husband’s dream come true… and might very well happen to whoever buys our house when I’m a widow.

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Is this a thing? Damn. I’ve been missing out on extra income for decades.

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This photo makes me realize my beloved Boston Red Sox are slackers who’ve just been phoning it in.

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Joseph Yoon can bite me.

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News you can’t use.

28 Comments

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The plethora of stupid headlines assures I will never run out of things to share.

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I’m going to pass on ordering one of those, just as I do on the extended car warranties.

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Now there’s an item positively screaming to be hung in the man cave bar.

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I don’t know about you, but I honestly don’t want to know the answer to that.

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*crosses Texas off her vacation destination list*

Who am I kidding? It was never on there in the first place.

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News you can’t use.

18 Comments

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You can’t use it, but it’s news all the same.

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Wait a minute… they’re growing brains in laboratories? Can we please send a few to the nation’s capitol, they seem to have run out.

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Gee, I never saw that coming.

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I can think of a few uses myself. Boat anchor, fire starter, brick mortar, roof sealant… the list is endless.

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Because admit it, you’ve been wondering.

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There. Mystery solved.

You’re welcome.

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