.
Yes, again. Humor me and play along.
.
.
Those dastardly criminals better watch out.
.
.
I was in the middle of giving myself a pedicure… so I guess I’ll slather the burglars with foot cream and hope they’ll be too slippery to burgle.
.
.
.
I don’t care if you don’t want to… humor me.
.
.
I’ll get the ball rolling.
.
.
I’ve been married for 37 years… and for the most part? I have.
.
.
.
Ha! My phone knows me too well. That’s where the bar is after all.
.
.
Now there’s a vow everyone should make on their wedding day.
.
.
.
Go ahead. You know you want to…
.
.
Well, crap.
Looks like I won’t be running out of Brussels sprouts any time soon. And while I’m one of the few people who actually like them..
.
.
Calm down sprouts, I’m on your side. But a lifetime supply is probably more than even I need.
.
.
.
I just binge watched all 3 seasons of Penny Dreadful… and if you know anything about that series, you’ll know that would be one wild and crazy wedding.
.
.
.
Stop rolling your eyes. It’s not painful… and they make me chuckle.
.
.
I’ll start.
My drag Queen name is…. Julianna Creme Horn. Which, when you think about it… couldn’t be more appropriate.
🤣
.
.
.
.
I sincerely hope World War III isn’t around the corner because I’m going to look pretty silly standing on the front line waving a bag of catnip.
.
.
Unless I’m facing a feline army. Then? I’m going to cut years off the conflict and save thousands of lives.
.
.
You never know when Lord Dudley Mountcatten will feel like playing. One minute he’s sound asleep on the couch while you’re watching Ken Burns’ documentary on Ernest Hemingway. The next?
.
.
He’s nutty as a fruitcake and flinging his toys across the room.
.
.
Maybe it was all the talk of Hemingway’s romantic entanglements that got him frisky. Ernest did love the ladies…
.
.
Don’t groan, I know you enjoy these… even if you don’t want to admit it.
.
.
I’ll get things rolling….
My rap name is LIL Cellulite Cream. Making slightly pudgy menopausal women over 50 shake their groove thing like they did before their thighs resembled cottage cheese.
.
.
And before you store a disturbing mental image of my marbled thighs, summer is coming and the lotion I bought is more of a tightener. I’m not cheesy, just jiggly.
.
.
.
Ready?
Let’s play!
.
.
And for the sake of equality, let’s add ‘or penis’ to the instructions.
.
.
Yes, I’m afraid we are. Here, I’ll go first.
The name of my vagina is…. Homeland.
Which you have to admit is pretty damn spectacular.
.
.
Because he’s simply too photogenic not to share.
.
.
Dudley likes to play with balls, and basically any round thing that rolls.
.
.
Including raspberries his human drops on the floor.
.
.
He also likes to stretch….
.
.
And then runs out of energy before getting back in his original position. He sleeps like this all the time.
.
.
While his takeover of the house is pretty much complete, from the look of this photo…. I fear the television might be next.
.
River's world..... 